Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
This bit of an obsession makes me do strange things like sit next to the reflecting pool for approximately an hour a day (even in the biting cold), staring up at the majestic dome, sighing dramatically; or, in the context of an impassioned speech about my dreams of winning a senate seat, pointing at the Capitol (and directly at an armed Capitol guard) and screaming, "YOU'RE NEXT!" repeatedly until my brother said, "Listen to what you're saying, god damnit," and we took off down the street.
So you can imagine how excited I was when a visit to a U Street vintage store yielded this:
A Capitol building pendant. Surrounded by pink rhinestones. On a gaudy gold chain. "Was this actually made for me?" I asked the perplexed store owner as I handed over some cash.
It's a perfect souvenir to remind me of this city, and this building, that I adore, sometimes to a disturbing degree.
Monday, October 27, 2008
The first time in a long time that I've seen a combination of my two very favorite things: shiny sequins, and bite-size frogs:
Must raise money to buy this delectable little treat. Maybe I could teach dumpster diving lessons on Wall Street?
Marc Jacobs Iris sequined bag, $1,895, netaporter.com
p.s. For a little background on Martin, click here.
Friday, October 24, 2008
First up, a super creative costume idea and ensuing humiliation from Michele:
I think it was my sophomore, maybe junior year of high school and student council decided to have a Halloween Costume contest.
I think it was my mom's idea for me to go as an outhouse. Actually I was an old lady in an outhouse. We used a big appliance box to be the outhouse. We made a peaked roof with construction paper shingles. We cut a half moon in the front of the door so I could see out. I had on a long nightgown, slippers with toilet paper stuck to one, and corn cobs tied to the side. My hair was all up in curlers and I had cold cream on my face. I had handles inside, to hold the outhouse up when I walked from class to class.
Well, chemistry class had stadium seating, and somehow I managed to trip and fall, outhouse and all.
The science teacher was very serious, the most strict teacher of all. (You know, the one with the "Bring a writing utensil to class or detention" and "No flying projectiles in class" rule).
Later, at our last period pep rally, I won $15 for the costume. I think by then every one had heard the story of my great fall and wanted to see if I could repeat it there in the old gym. At least I could hide in my outhouse!
I live in Minneapolis and it takes about 4 to 5 hours to get to Madison. My friend Megan and I set out early to stake out a good barstool. The bars literally fill up at like 4-5pm and from then on it's "one in, one out" at the door and who in their right mind is going to leave once you're in from the cold! I'll save you the boring car breaking down in the middle of nowhere in Wisconsin, walking like 2 miles down the road because we were convinced that everyone who stopped to help was going to drag us into the woods and do unspeakable things to us, and eventually getting the car started again, like 3 hours later.
So, we finally rolled into Madison at 8pm. 8PM!!! The street was packed, my friends were already in the bar but that didn't help with the 100 person line to get in the door. Luckily we had brought some flasks and were walking down State Street trying to get to the particular bar where my friends were. Then... it starts raining. Oh damn, not only is it cold and I'm wearing a tube top and tu-tu, but now I'm going to be wet.
I'd been getting compliments on my costume all down the street but then, it happened... "ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT MY LIFE IS PRETTY PLAIN, I LIKE WATCHING THE PUDDLES GATHER RAIN!" A drunk girl was singing to me, LOUDLY. Then her friends started in. Then ALL the drunks around us start singing and moving away from me. I am at the center of a large circle of drunk hipsters singing "No Rain" in the rain.
I begin to dance.
I jump. I frolic. I remember the moves from the video and shake my tutu around for all! Megan is dying laughing. I don't care, I am a dancing machine. A larger and larger crowd is gathering and I really wish I had drank more. When the song ends, everyone is cheering and screaming and I am a little proud and a lot embarrassed. Just then the bouncer at the door of the bar grabbed me, I grabbed Megan, and he threw us in the door. WHOO! Dryness! Drinks! My friends-- this is the right bar! Whoo! Best Halloween Ever!
And last but not least, this story from Sara, which came in an email titled, "You want to do WHAT to the panda?":
Our tickets were for general admission and we went early so we could be right up at the front. It was a fantastic show, with much dancing and plenty of silly costumes -- we were behind some hippie-dancing people in alien costumes so we had to dodge their flailing deely-boppers.
I shoved him off a few times, as did one of my friends who he'd shoved for better panda-humping access, and yet he kept coming back. I had no chance of getting the attention of one of the bouncers from where I was and the guy didn't stop until I turned around and faced him down with a cocked fist. He left me alone for the rest of the show, and I got the pleasure of seeing a truly wonderful concert (someone tried to lead James Brown away in his cape and James Brown REJECTED that, and kept singing) and a silly story.
Now toss aside that presidential election ballot and cast your vote on a contest that really matters:
I'll leave voting open until the end of the day on Wednesday, since weekends aren't exactly high traffic days in the blogging world and I want to make sure people get a chance to read these and help me choose the winner. Best of luck to all three finalists, and thank you again to everyone who sent me a story!
UPDATE: Congratulations, Christine! You've won the ModCloth gift certificate! Thanks to the more than 500 amazing readers who weighed in--next up, the presidential election!
OK, so last year my roommates and I went as the Mystery Gang (picture below, I am Velma). Awesome group costume that got many comments on our bus ride to school. It was unfortunate that Jill, our Daphne, had to stay late and couldn't ride home with us. While waiting for a bus, we spotted another Daphne crossing the street at the end of the block. She did a double take as we waved her over. Her companion (some sort of mad scientist) got pictures of us all. We totally made that girl's day
One of the most creative costumes I have ever seen was when a friend of mine in high school went as "The Road." It was a simple sleeveless dress that had streets sewn/drawn on it with little hot wheels cars sewn on. It was basically amazing. I wish I had a picture...
I took said flesh-toned full-body leotard (and some full-coverage flesh toned underthings, naturally) and attached three black fabric strips to it. One over the boobs, one over the crotch, and one over the butt. I added some flesh-toned character shoes (you know which ones I'm talking about, fellow former theater majors!) because hey, if I'm essentially going naked to a big Halloween extravaganza, I've got to find a way to elongate my legs.
I froze my barely-covered ass off that night, but I won the costume contest in my Victim of Censorship costume.
As luck would have it, on October 28th the next year, my mum was invited to visit her friend for a few days. She packed her bags and left my older sister in charge.
We stayed up late! We didn't brush out teeth! We had so much fun! It was Sunday afternoon, about 4pm when we realised what day it was. We took a white shirt of hers and covered it with tomato sauce making it look like she was.. covered in tomato sauce!
She then grabbed all the toilet paper she could find and began to wrap it around my legs. She told me 'Take you pants off. You're too lumpy.' I didn't even think about it. I was way too excited! Eight dollars! I pulled off all my clothes. She continued wrapping until my entire body was covered. I stuck out my arms and grabbed a bag to fill with candy. We ran out the door!
It was pretty warm out so everyone was out in the street. Kids riding their bikes, people walking their dogs. The man across the street and his wife were planting flowers! The boy next door was digging a hole!
All of a sudden it began to get very windy. Bits of toilet paper began blowing away leaving sections of skin exposed. first my arms and shoulders. I could feel upper thigh exposed!
One giant gust of wind removed all that was left of my 'costume'.
I was 100%, completely naked, standing in shock next to my sister - covered in sauce.
I couldn't think of anything to do but run. I ran the entire length of the street. All the neighbours (and their dogs) looked up to see what my sister was laughing so hard at and got to see me and my nakedness run past. I was devastated. and haven't thought about celebrating Halloween since.
My junior year of college at UC Berkeley, I was pretty poor (aren't most college kids?). I couldn't afford something extravagant. I normally make my own costumes anyway. But this year, with little time and even littler money, I walked into a costume store on a whim. In the kiddie section, I found a boys' Superman/Clark Kent costume...suit jacket, white shirt, neck tie, glasses...and a muscular chestplate! It was the day before Halloween. So naturally...everything was 80% off! I think I paid all of $12 for it. Since I'd saved so much money, I decided to get my dog a matching Superman outfit too.
Halloween morning, I was on my way to chemistry class with my dog all dressed up too (he's a good boy and has no problems waiting outside for me until I get out of class). Suddenly, I saw my professor walking towards me, huffing and puffing. "Krizia! Happy Halloween! Wait up!" My handsome professor, with his hair starting to streak silver in some places. He ran up to me saying, "I like your costume. I want to show you something."
Horror of horrors, he quickly began to loosen his tie...shrug off his suit jacket...unbutton his shirt..."Oh God," I thought..."What is this man doing?! We're in the parking lot for God's sake!" He pulled his shirt open...and underneath...a Superman shirt! "We have the same costume!" he smiled.
Sigh* of freakin' relief. I laughed. What a guy. What was I thinking? Of course my hot, intelligent, older chemistry professor wouldn't corner me in a still empty parking lot on Halloween morning to profess his undying attraction to me. It was fun while it lasted :) The kids at Berkeley got a kick out of me and my dog walking around campus in our matching outfits. A lot of people snapped pictures and shouted out comments. Was it all worth the $17 I'd spent? Supremely.
To make matters worse, my younger brother also wanted to come along, and his lame, last minute costume idea was the classic ghost: white sheet over head with eyes cut out.
I helped him cut out the eyes, and when we threw it over his head, I was SHOCKED and HORRIFIED to discover that he hadn't brought a regular sheet, but a small twin-size duvet cover, which meant, THERE WERE POINTY LITTLE CORNERS on this piece of fabric, and one of the corners ended up being on top of his head!!!! AWFUL!!!!
For some reason, we all went out to Trick or Treat anyway. Luckily, my brother didn't get beat up, but we didn't get much candy. People would open the door and be like, "Um, you guys are too old to trick or treat."
Embarassing. What an ugly, sad, and offensive bunch we were.
So I stay still while my mother cuts holes for the eyes mere millimeters from my gorgeous baby blue eyes. I am terrified. Then she realizes that it's way too long and trims the bottom up. It looks like I have been attacked by a rabid jackolope. I don't care. I want to scare the shit out of the kids at school and start for the door. That's when we realize that the sheet won't stay put. The obvious solution? TIE A ROPE AROUND MY NECK. Thanks mom.
I don't know about Sexy Pac-Man, but last year for Halloween I dressed up as the coolest Ms. Pac-Man ever! I go to college, so come Halloween, there's nothing but freshman girls in their skimpy non-costumes. In fact, last Halloween I met a girl who was dressed as... underwear. With wings.
In order to stand out from the crowd, my friend and I opted for more awesome costumes: she went as Indiana Jones if he were born a redheaded girl, and I went as Ms. Pac-Man if she were a little less circular. I bought a yellow t-shirt from the little boys' section at Target, tied a red ribbon bow around a red headband, and bought some cheap bangles with fruit charms at Claire's. Get it? Like the bonus fruits? Ha, well nobody else got it but me. At all. But I had plenty of fun running around, going "Wokka-wokka-wokka!" And at the end of the day, I got to be comfortable on Halloween in my jeans and t-shirt, while all the other girls were freezing their chochas off!
In 1976 or so when I lived in Portland, I had a friend who decided to go to a Halloween party as Adam. His costume consisted of 2 large sycamore leaves strategically glued. Needless to say, the costume made him a little nervous so he used a lot of glue. Big-time glue. I happened to be visiting him the next day as he was using turpentine to remove said leaves and glue. As you can imagine, the tender flesh did not take kindly to such treatment.
We weren't really thrilled about anything, but then I realized: I'm a high school education major and he looks like he's in high school... I'll be the teacher who has an affair with her student! I wore a mostly unbuttoned button-up shirt, long skirt with practically waist-high slits on both sides, heels, my glasses and bright red lipstick with my hair in a bun. He wore khakis, a sweater and a button-up shirt underneath that was all messed up like he had hurriedly gotten dressed after an illicit moment. I kissed his face and neck with the bright red lipstick and mussed his hair a bit - perfect! Too bad it was about 30 degrees that night, I ended up wearing his jacket the whole night, and no one could tell what we were. Oh well. Lesson learned: I'm never doing couple costumes again.
Attached are a picture of me and a picture of both the (ex) bf and me, his roommate the cowboy and dormmate the vampire. what a miserable night.
When I little, there were these dolls that were all the rage. They were princesses, and then when you flipped their skirts up they became CUPCAKES! I mean, seriously, that is way better than camouflage or playing dead like a opossum! So this is what I wanted to be for Halloween, and it was all I talked about, and I begged my mom to make me a cupcake princess costume.
That was the year I learned exactly how much whining I could get in before my mom completely tuned me out though, since I ended up with an upside-down lampshade as a skirt and a cherry-shaped hat
Finalists coming soon!
Still I was intent on going trick-or-treating. My parents decided that after being cooped up for two weeks it would do me good to go out for a little bit.
It turned out to be a really terrible Halloween for an 8 year old girl. Everyone who opened their doors commented on the great zombie make-up I had on. They thought the open sores were very realistic special effects and the runny make up was a great touch.
Unfortunately, I was actually dressed up as a kitty.
Last year, Alec and Henry went as Castro and Che, so I decided to be the only female communist figure that I could think of, Frida Kahlo. Though originally it was going to be Sexy Frida Kahlo, I ended up going for authenticity instead. I did an excellent job posing as Frida. like really really good and subtle.
First, my mother always forced us to wear a turtleneck and a jacket, no matter what. FYI, white turtlenecks, even if paired with a 1970s bridesmaid's dress, do NOT scream princess.
Then there was the time when all I could find in the basement was a giant piece of foamcore and some red felt. After lots of thought, I cut the foamcore into a 30inch diameter circle, covered it in the felt, and drew on sunglasses and a smiley face. I added some straps to the back, donned some white gloves and went as the red Spot from 7Up commercials. Unfortunately, no one could identify me and instead guessed I was the following: "a dot?", "a tomato?", "a cookie?" Yes, I'm a bright red cookie in sunglasses. The real kicker was when my friends and I cut through a side yard and the red felt of my Spot got snagged on a pricker bush. I was stuck there for about 5 minutes until I decided to ditch the Spot and finish up the night as a kid in a white turtleneck.
My sister, a friend and I, bought long wooden dowels, which we painted black and white, huge sunglasses, and mismatched thrift store clothes. We made ears, tails, and a giant foil butchers knife, and I believe one of us carried around a cup of pencils, and went trick or treating that year as the three blind mice.
He read the article and questioned me about my use of this word. I fessed up, saying I hadn't known its true meaning, but had wanted to convey "with natural flow, like water." He laughed and was not insulted.
Then, at the Halloween party his house threw later that week, he wore cords, a button down, and two clear trashbags filled with water. One on the front, one on the back, like a sandwich board dealy. He let the water out later in the evening because it was flippin' heavy. And so he could kiss me better.
I'm going as a "cougar" as in "a well to do Napa Valley, recently divorced, middle aged woman on the hunt for cute, young men." I may have to add ears and/or a tail to give people a hint. I figured that I'd need a bad fake tan, trendy highlighted hair (wig) and an age inappropriate Bebe outfit.
But, a good friend of mine held a party with theme "It's all white on the night". I didn't really know what that meant, and not being one who is half-hearted about these things, decided with my boyfriend that we should go as astronauts. (photo #1). We trekked in to a very trendy part of Sydney (where people are wayy too cool to be dressed as astronauts) and walked about half a mile to the party. By this stage, the space food sticks so carefully stuck onto my all-in-one white suit were beginning to sag, and the aluminum foil on my boots was threatening to come loose.
Happily, we made it. And opened the door to a room full of uber shocked people. The craziest outfit there was the party guy himself in "Tennis whites". ( Photo #2 where, incidentally, you can see my rocket pack complete with flashing lights). Our papier mache helmets, which were so eminently sensible in the car, suddenly seemed way more excessive than intended!
Either way, we had an amazing time and loved wandering around afterwards walking into shops and bars, getting people yelling out "Houston, we have a problem" wherever we went. It's one thing to dress up on Halloween, but quite another when no one else is in costume!
We went trick-or-treating together, even though were were way too old to be doing so, and we stalked around the neighbourhood, quoting the movie at children, threatening to turn them into cats and steal their youth.
Now, I can't remember the exact turn of events, but somehow, at the last house we visited, we ended up getting into an in-depth discussion about Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" with the owner. She offered us candy, and we ... offered to eat her children? I can't explain it, but at least she didn't call the cops on us (we wouldn't have made it far, since we wearing high heels and carrying vacuums and mops).
Thursday, October 23, 2008
In no particular order, we begin:
My favorite costume to date happened last year. I was the iPod Shadow Dancer. I have never had so much fun dressing up. Granted I did have to wear leggings as pants (please do not shun me.) My friend Jessica painted my face for me and even had to put a little paint in my ears to get the full effect, talk about intense and it was awful to clean up when I was ready to come out of the shadow. I love Halloween so much! I can't wait for it this year, I plan on dressing up as a porcelain doll and I just bought the perfect dress for it, a Betsey Johnson I picked up a Goodwill! Ek!
I blame it on my babysitter's older brother, who was allowed to sit in the den for most of his life watching WWF. When my mom asked me what I wanted to be for Halloween, I thought the answer was an easy one. I wanted to be Hulk Hogan, motherrrrr.
We don't celebrate Halloween in Australia, but I looove a good dress-up party and wanted to send you a couple of pics anyway. I recently attended an advertising industry awards night (I'm an Art Director) where the theme was pink. I dressed up as an Aussie favourite; the Iced Vo-Vo biscuit (cookie?). This biccie is one that your grandma would serve up half-stale on weekend visits; I'm sure every Australian has fond memories. They are made up of a layer of biscuit (hmmm), a layer of pink icing and a strip of jam down the middle. Coconut flakes seals the deal.
My costume is made of layers of material and wadding mashed together and run through the sewing machine and coconut is flakes of polstyrene packaging. I felt like Gretel on the night, I left a trail of flakes everywhere I went! Was totally worth looking like a tosser: I won best dressed and 5 kilos of chocolate! Yay!
So I think I was in grade six, and my friend Jess and I were trick-or-treating together. I don't even know what I was, I'm pretty sure I was "the Silver Queen" or something like that, with a big medieval style dress. Anyway, my friend was Pippi Longstocking. Her long blonde hair was braided and even stuck out, just like Pippi. So every house the people would say to her, "Ohh, Pippi Longstocking! That's so sweet! How did you get your hair like that, dear?!" and my friend would reply, "Fishing line and pipe cleaners.", very monotoned-like and straight forward. Almost every house we went to, it was the same question about the hair. It got to the point where instead of the usual "TRICK OR TREAAATT!", Jess would simply say "Fishing line and pipecleaners." with a bored look on her face.
Proof of the extremes of my outfit can be found in the comment I got halfway through the party. A group of guys and girls had been sitting looking at me and whispering for a while, then finally one guy came up to me. "Umm...are you a guy or a girl?"
We came up with the idea to make a toilet costume at the beginning of October, and have worked hard to get it finished. The costume is made mostly out of cardboard and paper maché. For some weeks, there was cardboard, newspaper, and acrylic paint scattered all around our house. The toilet bowl was extremely hard to make, but in the end, the long hours of work were worth it.
Keep checking back throughout the day--LOTS more stories to come!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
"flats for men"
This seems like it would be fairly simple request, no?
winona house centipedes
This is going to be my legacy, isn't it?
They're just fine, I'm sure. Settle down.
do awesome people tuck in shirt?
I'm sure there are a few awesome people who tuck in their shirt, although I'm not sure how many awesome people ask Google if awesome people tuck in their shirt. No offense.
shame on goodwill
fire out butt
I'm posting this solely for the amusement of my thirteen-year-old brother.
God, that's a bad pun. Personally, I hold myself to higher punning standards. Oh, wait, shit.
what fruit size are your boobs quiz?
Alright, alright, let me put something together for you real quick. Here ya go:
1. Which type of fruit do your boobs most resemble?
g) this pumpkin
Scoring is self-explanatory. Hopefully.
are sex toys prohibited on planes
Not prohibited. Perhaps frowned upon, especially if they're, umm, in use.
which mac eyeshadow is like a teal?
I wear "electric eel" at least a few times a week and I LOVE it.
daddy likey should be president
Awww I'm flattered! But honestly, I just don't think I'm a viable candidate. I couldn't bear to part with my William Ayers BFF necklace--it has pink rhinestones and everything!
he wore tights under his jeans
Well, that must have been quite a surprise...Did he go for control top or low rise? Did he have any issues with bunching? I need to talk to this guy!
how to model for shopbop
First, if you're wearing pants, shorts, a skirt, or underwear, take them off. Now, pull your dress down and look really, really uncomfortable. Study this feature for more lessons from the pros.
how do i deal with my boyfriend eyeing up other women
Dump. his. ass.
im 26 years old, is that too old to become a dental hygienist?
Oh man, that strict dental hygienist age limit will get you every time! I remember once, I was having my teeth cleaned, and these agents in black suits bust the door down and screamed, "On the floor, Loretta! We found your real birth certificate!" And then they dragged my hygienist out the door as she sobbed and clutched her mouth mirror. It was intense.
will jockstrap on stage hide my boner
I'm going to cite the experience of a certain classmate of mine with a starring role in the 8th grade Shakespeare production and say, no, nothing can save you.
ooohhhh too late, pants wet
This is getting awkward.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
A huge thank you to ModCloth for helping make this contest possible!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
In Monday's post, I mentioned the inception of House Centipede Awareness Month, and my dad's timely lectures about the benefits of these CREEPY DISGUSTING HORRIFYING CREATURES...er, I mean, beautiful helpful multi-legged children of god.
Almost immediately, the comments section and my inbox filled with queries from former house centipede haters seeking enlightenment, so I had my dad transcribe his informational lecture, which, toward the end, curiously morphs into a stirring FDR-style proclamation. Per Kendall's request, I am not posting a picture of the
And now, without further ado, I'd like to introduce Franklin Delano Roosevelt:
The house centipede is an amazing little predator that should garner more respect for its positive attributes than its perceived negative ones. When you see a house centipede in your dwelling you will not see as many cockroaches, silverfish, ants or spiders. They are active ferocious hunters of other arthropods with no desire to confront humans or, in smaller centipedes, even the ability to break the skin if you were to unintentionally trap one next to it.
While the bigger ones may be able to pinch or bite to some effect, the "intent" of the creature is to effect escape, not any sort of malice. The descriptions I have read of centipede venom suggest it to be like a mild bee sting and only those people with a known sensitivity to bee and wasp venom need to be particularly concerned.
If you wish to control their numbers in your house your best efforts should go into controlling the conditions that foster the presence of prey species. Fewer bugs, fewer centipedes. Removing or controlling sources of dampness seems to be of particular importance. Seal crevices in general to eliminate hiding places, in particular, seal off entryways into the house. Deny access to food items; if you kill one adult cockroach without eliminating its food supply, you provide plenty of munchies for 100+ baby cockroaches.
For those who currently live with House Centipedes in varying degrees of "Harmony" you might consider yourselves lucky. There are other centipedes in the world up to 10 inches in length. So, if you like getting the heebie-jeebies or the goochie-goomies, the willies or the creeps, then Scolopendra heros may be the giant centipede for you.
As a side-bar: Growing up in Florida we had Wolf spiders with a leg width close to a hand span. They would often trap themselves in our bathtub and we would catch them in a jar at morning to hold them until evening, when we would place them back in the bathtub and they would catch and eat two to three cockroaches a night to my mother's great delight.
We may not like many things we come into contact with in our lives even if we know the basis of our dislike arises from fear and ignorance. While that may be, our place in this world requires us to be Fair! We do not have to like bugs or snakes or even our fellow man. But we must be fair to this world or it will be taken from us by an act of omission or commission by our own hand.
p.s. I just saw a house centipede the size of a small dog speeding toward my bed, and I screamed and smashed it with the Sarah Palin issue of Newsweek. Sorry, dad.
Monday, October 13, 2008
My dad spent most every night delivering rousing lectures about the myriad benefits of house centipedes (if you don't know what a house centipede is, please click here to learn, and if you don't know what kind of person spends every night delivering rousing lectures about house centipedes, please click here to learn). We declared October House Centipede Awareness Month:
And finally, my crowning achievement of the weekend--a vintage clutch I found in a Maryland antique store, made from the satin love letters sent to World War II soldiers:
Hope you had a fantastic weekend too! Stay tuned for an epic Halloween contest!