Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Tights are tight, dude.

The way I feel about opaque black tights is the way Rachael Ray feels about chicken stock: add it to anything, even, like, chocolate cake, and it makes it better. I adore black tights. They make your legs look skinny, they kind of keep you warm (well, at least that's what I tell my dad when he demands to know why I'm wearing a mini-skirt and tights in December instead of his highly recommended plaid flannel-lined L.L. Bean jeans), they can look fabulously mod or European-chic, and you can add them to anything, even, like, flannel-lined L.L. Bean jeans, and they make it better.

Perhaps you've noticed that pretty much all of the hypothetical outfits I wax poetic about on this blog involve opaque black tights. In fact, I would totally bring in a new contributor to join Martin and work the Daddy Likey opaque black tights beat, but sadly, I can't think of any cute furry animals with an affinity for hosiery. I guess I'll have to do this post myself, damnit.

So, I'm never really sure if buying designer hosiery is like buying designer paint colors (I have yet to hear of someone walking into a friend's kitchen and exclaiming "Oh! What a lovely shade of white! Is that Ralph Lauren?"). That being said, I've never had a friend look at my tights and say "Oh! What a lovely shade of basic opaque black! Are those DKNY?", but I've always had really good luck with that brand. Here's a picture of them. You can totally tell they're designer, right?

I don't want you guys to stage a massive boycott due to my only advocating designer tights, so let me add that I've also heard great things about Target's generic brand tights and I have many a pair from Fred Meyer that have served me well. But I do love my DKNY.
$12.50, Nordstrom

My love for hosiery does not only concern opaque black, my friends. There are so many amazing colors and textures and designs, like these:

We Love Colors has one of the best collections of tights (and one of the most to-the-point names) I've ever seen. In addition to some very cool patterns, they have 45 different solid colors (not all of them are crazy hot pink, I swear), all the colors come in plus sizes, and they're only $8 a pair. I would wear these pink ones with a black mini dress and the riding boots I raved about long, long ago that hopefully Santa will bring me. I also have to show you the outfit they put together on the website that is as gorgeous as great art:

Even if you're a more conservative dresser, don't you at least want to print out this picture and hang it on your wall? I do.

If you don't own a pair of sparkly tights, please get some. As soon as possible. Maybe these:

I got a pair very similar to these over a year ago, and I wore them so much that they're permanently dirty and full of holes and the crotch is saggy. You're just gonna have to trust me on this one, but these are surprisingly subtle. They sparkle most when the light hits them just right. They're incredible. And Martin loves them too (you do trust Martin, don't you?)
Silver or gold, $12.00,

And I have to include these because they are called Milan Texture Tights and my amazingly chic Italian teacher actually wore this exact pattern and always looked, well, amazingly chic:


That's enough hosiery for the day. As the incredibly articulate boys in my high school class would have said if they saw this post like six years ago: "Tights are tight, dude." Well said, young men, well said.


Anonymous said...

Best post ever. I hadn't heard of these 'We Love Colors' people but I will be bookmarking their page ($8?! That's awesome!) I also love the sparkle and will take Martin's word for it that they're subtle.

I love fun tights and haven't busted mine out nearly enough this year. This is a great reminder to do so.

Moi said...

Lol, "tights are tight". Damn right! I cannot live without tights. I wear tights 5 days a weeek. The other two days I wear jeans. I love patterned ones, i have a similar a pair like the foottrafic ones. I'm working my way up to the colored ones.

Anonymous said...

I recently ordered some coloured tights from We Love Colours - they have a great selection! They do 80 denier which is a must, because 50 denier just isn't opaque!

Anonymous said...

I dont wear tights that often - because even in an aussie winter - its not really that cold!!!
I can't wait to wear them once i'm in London.
Although I dont think i'll be wearing coloured tights....they tend to make most gals, other than models, look like thunder thighs.
I luv the look of the ripped demin mini with black tights!!!

Anonymous said...

"Martin Approved"...LOVED IT! I have a massive collection of black tights including those hard to rip ones from DKNY!

Maddy said...

I love tights. So why the hell don't I have sparkly ones yet? THANK YOU for informing me of their existance. I will go forth and purchase immediately.

Eli said...

great great great great

I started wearing a pair of leggings under my opaque tights to keep me leggies warm or one pair of tights under another.

Alice said...

I used to have a pair of tights that were printed with Monet flowers on them - big blobby impressionist flowers, a la waterlilies.

I wore them to school one day and the nurse did a double take. She told me it looked like I had blood poisoning.

I wore them even more often after that :-)

yummy411 said...

whoa the glitter tights! i once had a pair of some socks like the tights and they were dubbed "my mj socks"- mj for michael jackson. the socks peeking out from under my pants gave me a 'disco underneath' effect that i let retire, a few months later....

Sonia Luna said...

I'm totally in love with coloured thights this season, I especially love dark purple thights with black ... but would love to have a pair [or two, or three] in every colour of the rainbow!

Chanel (nbr5) said...

I too love tights, although I only have them in multiple pairs of black and navy, guess I still need a little convincing on the colored ones. But I love the point that qm made about the denier of tights (never mind that I rushed to my sock drawer to check to see if the pair I recently purchased - still unopened - had the thicker denier) because without that thickness, tights can still end up looking like hosiery, and that's not cool.

Jenni said...

I have the crazy neon pink tights and they are one of my favorite things in the world. Tights are tight? Indeed.

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