Sunday, February 28, 2010

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

Here's a story about the last time there was a bee in my hair:

I was 10, and my brothers, mom and I were driving down the highway in the family minivan. My brother Tona, who was sitting behind me, tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Nona, don't freak out, but a bee is making a nest in your hair."

So I opened the sliding side door and tried to jump out of the van.

Luckily I had neglected to unbuckle my seatbelt, which choked me back as one of my legs dangled out of the car. I screamed, "I'm gonna jump!" and Tona screamed, "I told you not to freak out!" and our younger brother Devin just screamed and my mom screamed loudest, "Don't jump! Close the door! What is going on?! STOP THE INSANITY."

She swerved into a nearby parking lot and told me to get out of the van. I dove to the pavement and began rolling around as if I were on fire.

My mom's mood, meanwhile, had shifted from angry hysteria to stone faced placidity. She calmly exited the car and walked into a nearby video store.

Eventually I got back into my seat and waited for my mom to come back. She was in the store for a very long time. My brothers and I wondered if maybe she had slipped out the back door and abandoned us. Surely we'd pushed her too far this time.

Finally she emerged, struggling to carry a gigantic piece of cardboard. When she opened the sliding door we saw it was an elephant-shaped promotional poster for Operation Dumbo Drop.

"I just...I just think we need this," she said, putting it in my lap. And then, without another word, we drove home.

Maybe a cute bee bobby pin in my hair would work out better.

Friday, February 26, 2010

A Love Letter, for Walgreens.

Dear Walgreens,

My deep and passionate love for you has never been a secret. I adore your convenient selection of cosmetics, candy, hamburger helper, dog snuggies, and pharmaceuticals as much as the next girl. Way more than the next girl, actually. Once I got in a serious argument with another girl about who loved you more, and I told her that I visit you at least three times a week, and she was like, "Really? You go to Walgreens three times a week?" and I was like "At least," and she was like, "Maybe you should find other hobbies." So I totally won.

On one of my visits last week, I was on a quest to find Nic's Sticks, the much-hyped nail polish pen designed for people like me who lack hand-eye coordination and end up getting more nail polish on their face and palms than on their nails. I've been super excited to try them and I knew you wouldn't let me down, Walgreens.

I headed to the cosmetics section, usually staffed by a crotchety elderly man who says passive aggressive things like, "Yes, I can show you where the concealer is, but I'm not sure it's going to help" (It's charming, in its own way, trust me) and instead found a friendly woman named Beth Ann, eager to assist. I told her about my quest, and she went to look for the nail polish pens while I browsed the selection of ShamWows by the registers.

Beth Ann soon returned, shaking her head. "I can't find them," she said, "but I need to ask Glenda. Glenda would know. You're not leaving here without your nail polish pen, do you hear me, honey?"

"I hear you," I said back, secretly excited about the prospect of not being able to leave Walgreens.

A couple minutes later, out of the mist of the refrigerated energy drink section, Glenda emerged with glorious news: "Yes, we have your nail polish, but it's in the clearance section."

She led us over to a box of Nic's Sticks that had been marked down to about 3 bucks each. Beth Ann and Glenda and I huddled around the newly affordable loot, choosing cute colors and gossiping and giggling. This is why I come to Walgreens three times a week.

I bought three Nic's Sticks, plus some $1 eyeliner, a notebook, hand sanitizer, and a kit kat bar. This is why when I signed up for a program that would track my finances, it said, "You are spending all of your money at Walgreens," and I said, "You don't know me! You don't know my life!" and shut it off.

I really like the nail polish pens, but Walgreens, what's most important is that I really love you. Don't ever change. And please keep that mean old man out of the cosmetics section.


p.s. Exciting, non-Walgreens related announcement coming on Monday! Stay tuned!

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Advanced Fashion Quiz

One of the items pictured below is a $50 pair of chino shorts from J. Crew. The other is a pair of $2,015 cotton-canvas shorts from Paris fashion house Balmain. Can you tell the difference?

(Click on the pictures for the answer!)

In related news, I'm very honestly wondering: where exactly does one wear a $2000 pair of khaki shorts? I'd be a little hesitant to throw them on to go throw a football around in the park.


Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Top 5 Reasons This $100 Adidas Darth Vader Jacket Might Be Worth It

1. It will coordinate perfectly with the $500 movie quality Vader mask you got on eBay.

2. If you're feeling antisocial, you can pull up the hood and push the buttons on the front while making little beeping sounds, and most likely nobody will talk to you on the bus.

3. If you're trying to attract a cute, nerdy boy, you can pull up the hood and push the buttons on the front while making little beeping sounds.

4. If you wore it while meeting your long lost son, whose name was Luke, you could say, "Luke, I am your father," and then look down at your jacket and then over at him and maybe you both would start laughing and the moment would be a little less awkward.

5. Dude, face it. This jacket is awesome.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Don't Show-cha Your Chocha!

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for this week's installment of Don't Show-cha Your Chocha! If you're new to Daddy Likey (welcome!), click here for a glimpse into DSYC's humble beginnings. And if you're a seasoned chocha watcher (give it time, you'll get there), then read on, sister, read on...

File this under "Cartoon Mice Gone Bad:"

Says Brittany: I felt this was something that needed to be brought to youir attention immediately, since you can actually SEE HER CHOCHA.

Reader Jessica thought this model seemed confused and slightly pissed off (and I agree):

She says: This website has some great chocha shots. Best I can figure, they sell frilly fancy underwear--the skirts are meant to frame them, maybe??

Oh, Scary Spice:

Says Sam: It is apparent from her flattened hair and runny eye makeup that Scary Spice got herself caught in a freak downpour, which thus necessitated her removing the bottom half of her outfit so as to air-dry her chocha.

The lovely Elissa sent this one in:

She says: Here is a chocha in danger of imminent exposure. Pretty dress, just requires leggings for reals.

So, yeah, apparently we need to go over the whole shirt vs. dress thing again:

Says Nicole: It appears chocha-baring has moved off Kate Moss and the runway and be now be found at your local Wal-Mart.

Speaking of which:

This is a shirt. Like, I've seen it at stores on the racks marked "shirts." It might go nicely with some pants.

Becca, a self-proclaimed novice chocha hunter, turned in 3 outstanding/terrifying examples:

Dude, battling zombie monks is hard enough when you're wearing pants.

Found on Facehunter (chocha hunter?) by my dear friend Thomas W:

His theory: Apparently SE Asia didn't get the chocha memo.

From Laurel:

The eternal question: In what universe is this a "dress"?

My friend Sara sent me this picture on Facebook:

Wow. Read more about it over at Oddly Enough!

Here's a classic:

Says Alexandra: I'm glad they cropped out the poor model's eyes to conceal her identity.

From Isabel:

She says: Do the double-C's stand for cooch?

Here's a proud chocha shower sent to me on Twitter by the lovely Eliza:

The website says to pair this with skinny jeans or pencil skirts, but they seem to be disrgarding their own advice here.

Mary sent in the following three Etsy finds plus great commentary:

I think there's a reason that this "babydoll dress" should NOT be worn by adults.

This model has her arms raised in question: "Why is all of the material at the neckline instead of covering my chocha?"

It says that this is a shirt, but then it also says it's a mini dress. If nude tights need to be worn to cover chocha because the "dress" in question makes no attempt at modesty, is it REALLY still a dress? Or just a shirt?

Now that's a philosophical question right there: If a shirt is called a dress, but it doesn't cover your chocha, is it still a dress? Suck it, Socrates.

Aaaaaaand I'll end on that note.

Found a chocha? Send it my way!

The Problem With the Ponytail

One of my goals for this year is to learn how to do my hair. Like, literally, I wrote "Learn how to do my hair" next to "Run a half marathon," "Travel the world," "Perfect cold fusion," and "Achieve enlightenment" on my 2010 goal list.

I've always been fantastically bad at doing my hair, and even worse at doing other people's. In middle school, my friends would often ban me from the obligatory makeover portion of slumber parties, forcing me to stand in the kitchen and make awkward conversation with their parents instead ("So, that's a nice lamp. Umm, where did you get it?").

Today my specialty styles include the basic ponytail, the top of the head rat nest, and the sleep-on-my-wet-hair-and-hope-for-the-best. It's a sad state of affairs up there. Thank god it's usually out of sight for me.

So, here are a few hairdos that I'm aiming to try in between all the traveling, getting in shape, and intensive physics experiments this year will surely bring:

The messy Parisienne bun. This one looks doable, right?

The "half-up half-down," a style that, apparently, dudes love.

The patented Sarah Von Bargen Faux Mo. Badass.

And finally, the low side knot...thing. So pretty.

How about you guys? Do you wear your hair the same way everyday, or do you love trying different 'dos? Do you have any tips for cute, easy hairstyles? Or cold fusion?

Friday, February 19, 2010

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

I chose this 1960s purse as this week's Etsy find because I thought it was pretty cute. Then my boyfriend caught a glimpse of it on my computer screen, jumped up and down and shrieked, "Aaaaahhhh! That is the cutest thing I've ever seen!!"

So apparently it's really cute and a total guy magnet. You're welcome, ladies.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

An Imagined Conversation Between Myself and This Model

Me: Hey, could I talk to you for a second?

Model: No, I'm busy. Very busy.

Me: Really? What are you doing?

Model: I've gotta get to work. I'm late. Have you seen the NASDAQ numbers today? Dreadful! I'm late! I've really gotta go.

Me: You seem like you're pretty wound up.


Me: Well, no.

Model: If you saw them you'd be stressed out too. Trust me.

Me: I see that you're wearing a corset. That's kind of stressing me out.

Model: What? This? This is a Sir-set, not a corset. It's for men. It shapes and slims the torso.

Me: So it's a corset.

Model: Sir-set.

Me: Good god. You're wearing a corset. Just own it!

Model: I assure you I am not wearing a corset.

Me: Did your overbearing mother lace you into it this morning while forbidding you from seeing the man you love because he's poor and your father recently died, leaving you and your mom with nothing but bad debts hidden by a good name?

Model: Yes.


Model: Alas, this Sir-set is a metaphor for the ever-suffocating cage that is my life.

Me: Corset. It's a corset, dude.

p.s. Thanks, Tricia!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Tuesday Top 5: Tennis Outfits for an Aspiring Pro Who Currently Sucks at Tennis But Whatever

Last month I decided that I would become a professional tennis player, for the following reasons:
  • I was bored.
  • I've always prided myself on my grunting skills.
  • I realized that my previous life dream of train conducting would mean dealing with a lot of hat hair.
  • I used to play volleyball and I won the "Best Server" award in 9th grade, so I figured my skills would translate seamlessly.
  • And finally, THE CLOTHES. I mean, look at this photo:
What other sport not only lets you wear skirts, but dress like a badass biker chick and make grunting sounds?

Oh, and wear dangly diamond earrings?

I'm sold.

I'd never played tennis before, so I figured a good first step in my career would be signing up for a beginning tennis course at the local community college. So far I've taken four classes, gotten in trouble for wearing sequined shoes on the court, and seriously injured an elderly woman with a rogue serve to her spine. Oops.

Let's get back to focusing on the good stuff:

Top 5 Reasons I Am Going to Be a Pro Tennis Player; or: Cute Tennis Clothes I Want to Wear Everyday

Could you stay mad at someone wearing a dress like this? Even if they slammed you in the back with a poorly planned serve?

Slightly boring, sure, but really cute and super flattering. I already bought myself a skirt similar to this one and I wear it around the house a lot.

This is slightly more formal than how I might envision my wedding dress.

Love the colors. Love the pleats. Want to marry it.

I would wear this out grocery shopping after cleanly defeating Serena Williams at Wimbledon.

Do any of you guys play tennis? Any favorite brands or stores for cute tennis clotehs? Have you ever played a sport or taken up a hobby just for the fashion possibilities?

Monday, February 15, 2010

Don't Show-cha Your Chocha: Maybe This No Pants Dance is Here to Stay

Today is Presidents Day in the United States, and I can't think of a better way to honor George Washington than with a blog post full of chochas. If you're just joining us here at Daddy Likey, and would like an explanation of this Don't Show-cha Your Chocha business, please click here for the official intro. If you've been reading for years and are still confused, I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do for you.

One of this week's contributors, Brooke, declared in her email: "Maybe this no pants dance is here to stay." This phrase has quickly become my life motto and personal creed. Now let's get this George Washington birthday party started:

Vigilant reader Caroline found this gem in a catalog her neighbor left in the entryway:

She says: I like how the model actually looks pissed, as though the photographer just asked her who does her waxing.

This lady is totally owning it:

Reader Silje explains: I came across an exquisite chocha-shot on a Norwegian website that I just had to share with you and all the Daddy Likey readers.

From the aforementioned very clever Brooke:

She ponders: Do you think celebrity stylists don't realize how tall their clients are?

On that note, here are a couple shots of DSYC favorite, Taylor Momsen:

Says Liz: Seriously, I can see the crotch seam of her tights in that first pic. No way that's a dress!

Says S: Perhaps the costumers in Gossip Girl should think twice before they give her a shirt to wear as a dress.

This poor model shall henceforth be known as the Queen of Clenching:

Says Heather: I'm pretty sure some bad/creepy photoshop went into cover this chocha.

Here's a perfect chocha submission and synopsis from lovely reader Erica:

This chocha offender is not nearly as bad as some of the usual suspects, but it was particularly alarming to me given that 1) Banana Republic is supposed to offer modest-ish office wear, and 2) I have super short legs, and mini skirts often go to my knees, yet their “business appropriate” dresses that I tried on the other day there were freakishly short on me.


Says Beth: Yes, I know, anything from Pam Anderson is kind of cheating, but seriously? What is that? The safety pin bracelet tells me this was her 6th grade home ec project.

Next up, these hilarious photos from Lisa:

She says: What I love is the latest innovations in posing to avoid imminent chocha exposure... origami style.

Izzy titled this one, "Expensive Chocha:"

She says: As I was flipping through pictures of the Versace Spring 2010 in my living room, I saw this dangerously placed slit and immediately cried out "Chocha!" Needless to say, I received some very strange glances from my 13 year old brother.

Another concerned reader wrote: I'm scared that if i keep looking I'll actually see real chocha.

Ami found these "scary orange chochas" and sent them in right away:

Scary orange chochas, indeed. Yowza.

And finally, a photo that reminds me of my favorite poem, "I Know Why the Caged Chocha Sings:"

Says Alexandra: I think this is taking chocha-baring to a whole 'nother level, a level I wasn't quite sure existed. [Editor's note: But it's so sparkly!]

Thanks so much to all the DSYC agents working around the clock around the world for truth, justice, and bottoms. Think you have what it takes? Send me your finds:
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