Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Tuesday Top 5!

Close friends of mine know that I talk about becoming a train conductor literally everyday.

When I get overwhelmed with life I storm around the house yelling, "That's it! I'm going to work on the railroad," and when I'm feeling dreamy I'll stare out the window and sigh, "I think I'd look good in one of those cute little caps." I've been obsessed with the profession--mostly the conductor hat, if I'm being honest--for as long as I can remember.

A couple months ago my mom and I took the train up to Seattle. Somewhere outside of Tacoma I cornered an Amtrak employee selling mixed nuts in the shaky dining car and begged her to tell me about her glamorous life on the rails. "Isn't it wonderful?" I asked, "getting to see the country, meeting new people everyday, shoveling coal, wearing one of those adorable conductor caps?"

"Umm...we don't shovel coal," she said, "and we don't wear conductor caps, but yeah, it's a pretty good job."

"Wait. What? You don't get to wear the hat?"

"You don't get to wear the hat until you've worked your way up to engineer," she said.

"Really?" I said, completely dejected. "So this is going to be a major time commitment."

"Have you ever thought of just buying a hat?"

Of course I'd thought of that. Well, kind of.

Top 5 Professions I Have Considered Pursuing Solely Because of the Hat

1. TRAIN CONDUCTOR

This is the best conductor hat I found, and it costs $80, which is totally out of my conductor hat price range. I'm going to work on the railroad!

2. TRAPPER

I wear giant furry trapper hats so often that I might as well parlay it into a job, even though I would cry every time I had to trap something and then apologize and let it go. Yep, sounds like the perfect career choice.

3. NEWSPAPER BOY FROM THE 1930s

Don't laugh! My time machine is almost complete--soon I'll escape this awful economy and fulfill my dream of selling papers in the beautiful, thriving utopia of Chicago, 1933.

4. CHEF

When I met my boyfriend Nick, he had one of these with his name embroidered on the front. I can't say exactly how much that affected my decision to date him, but estimates hover at around 90%.

5. MOBSTER

I think a fedora is one of the most handsome hat options available to modern man, but whenever I wear one I feel like a hipster poser. Perhaps a career of assassinations and racketeering would add that necessary dose of credibility?

33 comments:

Claire said...

I want a fur trapper hat!! My favourite!

GLC said...

You can't wear most modern fedoras. They have a really short brim which just makes everyone (especially celebrities) look like douchebag. My boyfriend wears an old fashioned one with a suit and tie. Sure he looks like he somehow fell through time from the 1950s but he looks so snappy!

Also I have a striped conductor's hat I found a target. It is the best hat ever.

Rebecca said...

Oh, I would be a cowgirl. Then I could wear my boots and hat at the same time and not feel like I'm channeling Madonna circa the late 90's. And I could even throw some fringed gloves in the mix.

Heidi Rose said...

That was most excellent. I was letting out laugh at the same moment I read "Newspaper Boy from the 1930s"..."Don't laugh!"

You might not believe it, but you're so clever.

Bekah said...

ever since I read Catcher in the Rye it's made me want to wear a red hunting hat. I still don't have one, though.
I agree with the mafia, too! I have my opa's fedora and I always want to wear it but feel like I can't. And I have always had a strange desire to one day be a mafia boss's wife. But if I were to actually be one I'd be horrified haha.
...maybe you could wear a newsboy hat when you blog? It's like the same thing, I'd say

Elise said...

I'm a huge fan of the newsboy hat. Except in our family we call them "Bad Guy Hats" because in all the old old cartoons all of the bad guys wore those types of hats.

Could Bad Guy be a profession?

Apocalypstick said...

I still say you looked awesome in that burka. Does that constitute a hat? Blue is your color!

Sal said...

That newsboy cap is giving me the urge to watch "Newsies."

-h said...

door men have nice hats too.

Audi said...

I used to wear a chef's hat when I was a meat carver (seriously), and it gave me terribly wonky hair and a sweaty forehead; I wouldn't recommend it.

Also, my dream is to be a mariachi. Not only great hats, but pants and jackets too!

Kitty said...

Such an adorable post.... Also, I would make a kick-ass gangster. That is all.

WendyB said...

When your time machine is done, please bring me back to February 2008. I have my reasons.

crispybenfranklin said...

If you're not going to go into trapping, I recommend that you at least get the hat. Not only are they adorable, but if you wear it indoors, you can save tons of money on heating.

futurelint said...

How cuuuute! In high school they made us take those career aptitude tests and my #1 was Ship Captain, so I wore my gpa's Norwegian hat to school for a week and insisted I was married to the sea. My #2 job was MIME (no thank you, beret) - I was anti-social in h.s. obviously...

Sarah said...

So, I'm a flight attendant and I am super stoked because my airline is merging with another airline and that means our new uniforms are designed by Richard Tyler and he designs for PRADA so I like to wear my uniform and tell people it's my Prada, and also, there is a hat we can buy and wear during boarding. It's bright red (or navy, but that's not as fun) and super jaunty.

Kristen said...

If you got number 3 you could become a Newsie and then you could wear the hat and burst into song and a choreographed dance at a moments notice.

Marie said...

So glad I'm not the only one who has always wanted to be a train conductor! As a child I had the striped overalls but sadly, never a hat.

ambika said...

I've always wished I could pull off a newsboy hat. Well, hats in general actually.

Jen said...

Hahahaha! I read the first part and almost choked on my water. Whenever life gets overwhelming for me, I say I'm going to be a painter.

Juliet said...

Haha! I date too a guy that wearsfunny hats! :D

juliet xxx

KD said...

LOL! Today I wore a vintage fedora from the 30's and I felt like a mobster/hipster hybrid, but at least one with a sense of humor.

Rosie Unknown said...

Hats are wonderful, but sadly don't suit my face. I will just have to become a french street artist and wear a beret, cause they do look good on me.


Also, you might want to go back to a different decade, instead of heading into a previous recession/depression.

RachelP said...

I think 1933 Chicago is perfect for you because you could totally fit in wearing either the newsboy cap or the gangster fedora. Or you could be a newspaper vendor by day and a gangster by night!

Erin said...

not santa claus?

Megan said...

A MONOGRAMMED CHEF HAT??! That is like 100 times better than a monogrammed Mickey ears hat, which I have always coveted and my mom would never spend the money to buy.

Leila said...

love the fur tapper hat. i have secret crush on the 'park ranger hat' or 'the man in the yellow hat' (curious george) i am currently in college studying environmental science so hopefully someday i will get to wear one when i work for the national park service. They're so COOL!

Morgan said...

You want to jump out of this nasty economy straight into the wonderful Utopia of the Great Depression?

Though I must admit, those hats are pretty cute... And it would be an excellent excuse to wear little tiny button-y boot.

Michelle said...

There's a huge story behind this, but I just thought you should know I own an $8 trapper hat from WalMart that is known among all of my friends as my "nice hat."

Cyn said...

Dammit woman, you made me laugh!

(Waffle House has realized my dream of owning one of their paper hats many a time without actually having to work there. The beauty of it is you don't actually have to be sober to ask- just polite.)

Anna said...

Maybe just be in a Village People tribute band, and mix up the characters every so often?

Amanda M. said...

My fedora is quite possibly my favorite accessory. Just own it, and people will be into it.

Ilse said...

hahahahahahaha
when I was young, I had the same thing with Ronald McDonald..

don't laugh.

enc said...

You could do all these "jobs" superbly.

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