Saturday, November 24, 2007

Coats for the NonDouchebag

Editor's note: I attempted to finish up this post and publish it on both Thursday and Friday, but on Thursday I binged on turkey and then watched a four hour documentary on the genocide in Darfur (my boyfriend chooses the most uplifting Thanksgiving entertainment), and yesterday I saw No Country for Old Men. Neither of these films proved conducive to writing jokes.

So, an embarrassingly long time ago, one of my very dear friends, Lindsay, sent me this email:

I have a serious question for you on behalf of my BF Alec. This is why I'm writing to you through your very important and official website blog email. He is currently searching for a jacket, a medium weight, perhaps military inspired, appropriate for a brisk day with possibly layering at a moderate price (maybe under $100). We have been looking for a website that this could be found on, but alas I'm unskilled at online shopping and even more so when it comes to men's clothing.

Love and Bunnies,

Between my move and the ensuing Comcast dramz, I didn't have a chance to craft a full reply before today, but I did have a chance to scour the internet in search of cool men's coats. That search led me to few coats, and one big epiphany: It is borderline impossible to find men's clothes if you are not a douchebag.

I mean, Lindsay and Alec's request doesn't seem that crazy--a cool jacket, under $100--but it is, when you consider that the mid-priced male clothing world seems to be dominated by shit like this:
Seriously. Browsing the men's section of shopping sites is like trudging through a frat party at 3 am. It's an exhausting endeavor, indeed. I brought up this issue with my own non-douchebag boyfriend, and he said flatly, "Yeah, why do you think I never go shopping?"

Even when you find a non-douchebagy item, it is almost always modeled by a douchebag, hence tainting its beauty:

I love this coat. I think it is a beautiful, versatile, flattering coat. But if the model doesn't get the hell over himself in, like, the next minute, I'm going to track him down and punch him in the mouth.
If you're less sensitive than me, here's the info: Mavi Jeans Military Twill Jacket, originally $128, on sale for $65,

But anyway, I prevailed. I trudged through countless proverbial frat parties, past the puddles of beer, ass grabs, leering glances, and sexist jokes (anyone who wants to complain about my stereotyping of fraternities, go to a fraternity), and I found a few good coats.

First up, one of the few places my boyfriend does shop: J. Crew. (He'll take Hamptons gay over douchebag any day.) Since no one can afford their normal clothes anymore, the online sale section is where it's at, and two supernice, good quality, military-inspired, mostly affordable jackets are hiding there right now:

Love love love this one. It's corduroy, has great details, and is only 80 bucks.
Cord Geary Jacket,

Maybe a bit boring, but it will go with anything, last forever, and keep you warm.
Fatigue Jacket, $99 (down from $145),

During my Great Jacket Search, I came across Topman, the male version of Topshop. I didn't do enough research to be able to declare it douchebag-free, but I did quite enjoy their coat selection. A couple favorites:

Brown Wool Mix Bomber Jacket, 60 pounds (let me just calculate that in dollars real quick...hmm...let's see...factor in the stock market, the war in Iraq, interest rates, the rise of China, the world hating us, and...this coat probably costs like five grand. Damn.),

Black Longline Jacket, 65 pounds (same deal--and for Americans, "deal" is definitely the wrong word to use there),

So yeah, the one tiny problem with Topman is that whole currency exchange thing. I'm sure it will blow over soon.

And, thank the lord, you can always count on Ebay. I typed in something really complex like "military-inspired jacket" and found some great options at great prices. One Ebay store I really like is GS-Sense, where I found tons of rad, military-inspired jackets for under 100 bucks. Like these:

G-Star, $89.99

G-Star, $59.99

G-Star, $119

And now, dear readers, I reach out to you for help. Know of any places where Alec could find a sweet jacket? Have any suggestions in general for guys who'd rather not wear message tees containing slightly differentiated versions of "I have a big penis."? Please, share your wisdom in the comments!


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Ali said...

^ huh? anyhoo. Whenever I need to help my brother/boyfriend/guy friends with a shopping task, we somehow often end up at Columbia (I know this is an international brand so I'm guessing you have their stores in America?) - They've got cool stuff but not *too* cool... my brother would die if someone got the impression that he actually cares about fashion, but he still wants to look good. Columbia seems to cater to guys like that!
btw I have a "Don't Show-Cha Your Cocha" entry for you but it's in a magazine so I keep forgetting to scan it... damn non-internet things!

eerie said...

What about this one?

Robin Claire said...

it is SO hard to find sweet-ass coats for guys! My boyfriend's has camo print. /shudder

tricia of said...

douchebag is my favorite word, EVER. it's definition, last time i checked, specifically equaled "fraternity member"...or the post-college, dockers wearing, golf-playing equivalent. :)

before i scrolled down to the bottom of this post, i was thinking "g-star", as (incredibly sexy, post-apocalyptic, urban-ish) military is their look and all other similar jackets for men around at the moment seem to be copying theirs. the husband has one similar to the one 2nd from the bottom and i can attest to it's awesomeness, as i talked him into it. it's very light and layerable, slim-cut and has nice military detailing throughout. the quality is great as well, and the design is dutch (g-star is from the netherlands, which unfortunately has more than a few douchebags but they do ride bikes, which scores them some points).

good luck, lindsay and alec.

daddylikeyblog said...

Able Answer--
Spammers are douchebags.

Ooh excellent idea! Columbia is actually headquartered like five miles from where I'm sitting right now! I could bring Gert Boyle coffee if I wanted to. I shop for my brothers too, and you are so right about the cool but not too cool thing. It can be painful to try to find that middle ground.

Great find! I will direct Alec to it immediately. And maybe you should take over my blog if I die?

Hahahaa oh my...Maybe you can show your boyfriend this post and enlighten him to the joys of solid colors?

My god, me too. It's so satisfying to say! And so decriptive! And I'm actually really glad to have you attest to G-Star's awesomeness. I'd never heard of them before this, and I was a bit worried I was gushing over another country's equivalent of Kathy Lee for Wal-Mart or something...But yeah, I think they make gorgeous coats and they're definitely on my radar now!

ONEDIA said...

Winona, try googling Army Navy Surplus and you can find something like this

you will find several options.

Christine said...

yeah, I actually feel sorry for my husband because shopping for guys SUCKS. it's so boring--I don't blame men who hate shopping. that said, I also love G-star and think my husb. would love these jackets.

Candid Cool said...

some suggestions:
-forever 21 men's outerwear
also INstore at Kenneth Cole. seriously.

WendyB said...

Why do spammers write such completely insane and unintellible things?

fashionfix said...

Old Navy.

tortuga said...

H&M had some nice military-type wool jackets, no web shopping, though.

WendyB said...

Btw, what if I have to find a coat for a douchebag? Any suggestions for that situation?

Teek said...

The men I shop for are all tiny and hobbit-like, which adds the qualification "must come in a true men's small", ie: "could wear my outgrown size 3 jeans god dammit."

I had good luck at the Guess outlet once you avoid the douchery. Like the brown leather bomber here:|90=Men&category|107=Outerwear&browse=1&rpt=Department.aspx&pt=ProductListing.aspx

I can often find good sweaters in a small at Macy's but I haven't looked there for coats.

junation said...

Wonder what message I've been giving off all these years.

TBP said...

Nice article. It's nearly a year old, but I just came across it while shopping for a Fall jacket, and I'm trying to find something in a non-douchebag, which is tough.

I thought I'd link to where I found my Peacoat, though. They're a little over $100, but not much more, and they're the Navy's supplier of the things. (It seems like a small shop. I initially ordered a gray one, but, after waiting a week, I called, and found they wouldn't be making more for a couple months, but they went to find what models/colors they had in my size and shipped the one I picked to me right away.

For a lighter jacket I'm debating leather? Waxed canvas?

Brianna said...

I wonder if this G-Star jacket at the end still exists - it would look smokin' on my husband.

to the intarweb search!

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