I came across them while browsing ebay (something else I shouldn't have been doing), and the starting bid is $625. For serious.
I tried to make a list of situations in which these shoes would make sense, and here's what I got:
1. If you were dressing up as a cow for Halloween.
2. If you were in a play, and your role was "cow."
Any other ideas?
UPDATE: Thanks to the suggestion of an anonymous commenter, I summoned the Five Men for an urgent summit. Since they'd seen the post already, I wasn't able to get their true first impressions, so instead I asked them to come up with their own lists of places/situations where they thought this shoe would make sense. Here's what they said:
From my 19 year-old brother:
1. Rock climbing in mountain goat country.
2. To kick a child and/or dwarf in the eyes.
3. Chew your cud and wear these shoes to make yourself Kosher (Warning: may result in murder and consumption by believers of Leviticus)
From my boyfriend:
1. To put a cow at ease when preparing for artificial insemination.
2. To wear on a date with a centaur.
3. Perfect for removing nails from a piece of recycled plywood.
4. A good way to waste $625.
From my 21 year-old brother:
a. If you were a fugitive being chased through the snow and wanted to leave only cow prints to throw off the US marshals behind you.
b. If you ever needed to run exactly as fast as a cow.
c. Christmas/Chanukah gift for a cow.
My dad, of course, couldn't resist adding some social commentary to his list:
1. A significant threat to the "nads" from a well placed kick.
2. An aid to roofers who might find such a shoe useful for pulling nails. (actually this was my first impression)
3. They represent a particular form of excess often found in "fashion" that supposes to push limits and boundaries. Is it fashion or art or somehow both? Or is it an aspect of an Ego who's owner can only find validation in preposterous pricing to ensure a dangerous exclusivity?
And finally, from my little brother, age 13:
1. If a cow needed to wear shoes.
2. If you were born with cow feet, and needed a comfortable shoe.
3. If you want a better parking space, and your boss thinks your feet are disfigured, and you get a handicap space.
4. If you want to slowly painfully mold 5 toes into 2.
5. You need a new pair of shoes, and you order some nice ones, then you get these in the mail by mistake.