Aaaaaannnnnd We're Back!

After what seems an eternity (eternity=1 week) of living in the stone age, I'm finally back to suckling the sweet nectar of the internet. It couldn't have come sooner either--at dinner with my mom tonight, I was griping about all of the nagging/complaints/death threats that I've received from friends and readers over the past week, and instead of providing maternal comfort, she looked up from her plate and said, "Yeah, why no new posts? It's been too damn long!"

The plural pronoun in the title ain't no lie: I've brought the Five Men along for my big comeback. If you're a new reader, I'm referring to a regular feature called Five Men's Fashion First Impressions, and you should most definitely read their intro and get all caught up so you'll know what everyone's talking about around the water cooler tomorrow!

Anyway, Queen Marie wrote a hilarious post about the...umm...unique?...purses pictured below (priced at over $500 each), and requested the men's opinions. I'm not one to defy a Queen, so let's get crackin':


Brother, age 20: Wait...that's a shoe? Umm....(scowling)...I really don't like it.
Me: Why?
Brother, age 20: Well, I'm starting to like it.
Me: What? Why?
Brother, age 20: Cuz it would stand up when you set it down!
Me: Are you serious?
Brother, age 20: LOVE IT!

Brother, age 12: (Cocks head to the side, long pause) OK...Is it a shoe or a purse or a clam? Cuz I seriously can't tell.

Father: (Laughing) That's probably one of the dumber ideas I think I've ever seen. They have succeeded in making a sow out of a silk purse...(Notices price)...Five hundred dollars??
Me: Yep.
Father: I think it should be about twice that price.
Me: Why?
Father: Because then nobody would buy it.
[Editor's Note: Someday I'll sit my dad down and gently tell him that people buy $1,000 purses, but not today.]

Brother, age 18, grumpy as hell because I got him out of bed to do this: Bag trying to be a shoe? Or shoe that looks like a bag? Fuck it, I love America but this is too much. How many trees died for these? Hate life, so tired. No more of these please.

Boyfriend: Whoa. Wait. A shoe bag? Shoe. Bag. Hmm...Is it so women can put it down on the bathroom floor and not get grossed out?
[Editor's Note: This is when I said, "Holy shit! Is it?"]