Ladies and gentlemen, the infamous Balenciaga boot:
Yes, this is the terrifying shoe (although should it really be called a shoe? Perhaps "Morbid Foot Chamber of Torture and Pain" is a better suited moniker?) that Mary Kate Olsen loves. A lot. Like, this is how much she loves them:
She wears them all the damn time. I'm not gonna judge too harshly here; I mean, there have been days where I've gotten up from a nice restful sleep and said to myself, "You know, I feel like purposefully and calculatedly afflicting myself with severe back pain today," and these shoes would be perfect for that.
But I digress. These boots are an extreme but potent example of the Great Shoe-Appreciation Gender Gap. You see, most women probably hate this shoe. They probably think it looks dumb and scary and they would never want to own a pair, but they also kind of get it. They have a context for this shoe. They've worn mega-high heels and platforms before; they've heard of the "pain is beauty" concept and employ it occassionally (or maybe often). So while they may not appreciate the shoe itself, they can appreciate the path of slowly escalating fashion moderation that ultimately led to such Balenciaga extremes. To the average comfort-embracing, shoe-confused, sneaker-wearing man, however, these boots are a mysterious phenomenon, a strange and terrifying beast unlike any Nikes encountered before.
With that in mind, today I'd like to introduce a new Daddy Likey feature: Five Men's Fashion First Impressions. Ever so often, I'll show a controversial high fashion item (hence the boots) to the extremly honest and blunt group of men that are my 3 brothers, father, and boyfriend, say "What do you think of this?" and publish the first things that come out of their mouths.
Without further ado, Five Men's First Impressions of the Balenciaga Boot:
The boyfriend: (audible and dramatic gasp) Oh my god! That's horrible! What is that??
The father: Cruel shoes! Cruel shoes! (this time said in an accent with a look of anticipation) Oh...You've never heard that Steve Martin skit? You should. It's funny. They're cruel shoes. They look cruel.
Brother, age 11: Too fancy. Too leathery. Too strappy. Too fabricy. Did you already put "too high"?
Brother, age 17: What? What the hell? Look, that heel looks like a Handy-Vac!
Brother, age 19: (lights up with recognition when I show him the picture) Oh! The midgets in Willow wear those! (Raises his hand into the air and lowers his voice a few octaves) Out of the way, peck!
Now, if you are confused as hell right now, allow me a bit of explaining that will probably confuse you more. Willow is a 1988 movie starring Val Kilmer that pretty much all men (and by "pretty much all men," I mean "all the men in my family") are obsessed with. The IMDB plot outline says it all: "A reluctant dwarf must play a critical role in protecting a special baby from an evil queen."
In one of the scenes, this reluctant dwarf is clutching the baby as a soldier on a horse gallops by and bellows, "Out of the way, peck!" Apparently, men know this scene like women know Harry's final appeal from When Harry Met Sally, because when I mentioned Willow to my seventeen-year-old brother later that day, he immediately sprang from his seat, raised his hand into the air, and in an identical tone bellowed, "Out of the way, peck!"
Of course, this begs the question: Is Mary Kate's boyfriend secretly amusing himself with Willow references everytime she wears the boots?
It's a definite possibility.