I went shopping to find shorts to wear for this summer, and I was greatly disappointed by what I found. I am 5'11, and I am mostly leg. The shorts that everyone seems to be selling hardly cover my butt cheeks. I am at a loss as to where I can find shorts that cover more than my lady parts. Something mid-thigh would be nice. Got any suggestions?
Dear Short, I mean, Tall, whatever,
Boy can I relate. Well, actually, I can't, because I'm 5'3" and mostly torso, but I hate shopping for shorts too, so I think we can still be friends. I agree with you that this shorts season has been particularly brutal. Just the other day I blushingly picked up a particularly immodest pair of underwear only to realize that they were SHORTS, meant to be worn on the OUTSIDE. "Oh my!" I crowed like a Victorian missionary, and decided to focus on the following two shorts shopping strategies.
Suggestion #1: Find the Bermuda (Shorts) Triangle
God, I hate the name Bermuda shorts--it evokes an awkward and confusing mix of imagery of Old Navy ad campaigns and South Florida retirees that makes me feel dizzy and enraged. Therefore, for the remainder of this post I will call them Nebraska shorts. Anyway, Nebraska shorts (aahh, that's better) hit just above the knee, are super flattering and just as comfortable in hot weather as those crazy chocha shorts.
If you love your legs, try a crazy pattern or a bright color. If you don't, a pair of black, khaki, or vertical pinstripe Nebraska shorts will look effortlessly chic while concealing thighs and preventing the dreaded chafe (in related news, my friend Lindsay and I decided to start pronouncing it chafé in an effort to make sweaty thighs sound elite and Parisian). Add a simple tanktop, a couple necklaces, and ballet flats and you'll be the talk of the town (for looking good, not for accidentally flashing your lady bits to the local minister).
Now, the tough part--where to find these elusive little buggers. I hate to enable those awful Old Navy ad campaigns, but the store does deliver. They have a huge selection of Nebraska shorts online and varying lengths in store.
These come in like fifty different colors (OK, four), can be worn cuffed or uncuffed, dressed up or dressed down, and they're on sale for less than twenty bucks. Not bad.
Favorite Bermuda--ahem, Nebraska--Shorts, $22, LadyLanguage.com
Plus Size Black White Pinstripe Bermuda--ahem, Nebraska--shorts, $44, Torrid.com
Also check out J. Crew's sale section in-store and online (I'm pretending their regular priced section doesn't exist...It's just too painful...) for semi-good deals on cute, mid-thigh length shorts. And keep in mind that if you don't love the length of your Nebraska shorts straight out of the store, most styles look good (or even better) cuffed or rolled up to your desired length.
Suggestion #2: Make your own.
Yep, that's right--get out your patterns and sewing machine! Tooootttaaallllyyy kidding--the last attempt I made at sewing was an embroidery of my name that got me so flustered I spelled it with three N's. Of course, if you are the type who didn't think I was joking about the whole sewing machine thing, I salute you, and also if you want to make me some shorts, that would be great.
But when I say "Make your own," I mean, get out a pair of scissors and an old pair of jeans, and cut off the bottoms. Extraordinarily difficult and complicated, I know, but if I can do it, you can do it.
The cutoff is my all-time favorite shorts style and an integral part of my daily summer uniform. They're free (a hard price to beat!), you choose the length to flatter your body, and if you cuff them and wear a plaid button-down you, too, can achieve my life goal of looking like one of the characters from Now and Then.
I'm gonna go watch that movie right now, actually. For real. Gotta go.