Thursday, June 19, 2008

It's Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey!

Well, it's finally time for another installment of Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey, the popular feature in which I thoughtfully respond to the google searches that led lost souls to my blog (if you're a new reader, click here for a better explanation).

I'm just gonna jump right in. Longtime readers, say it with me now--google searches in bold italics, my responses below!

Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey!

i love computers!
Me too! I also love exclamation points! Want to be friends?!

can hobbits wear flip flops
Excellent question. I suppose they could, if they wanted to, although they might need to have a pair specially made. And it might be prudent to wear closed toed shoes while fighting orcs.

show youre vajina
Show me your GED

how to tell if your shirt is too small

Not to worry, I've created a simple self-diagnosis quiz to help you out! If you answer "yes" to three or more of the following questions, your shirt is probably too small:

1. Is your shirt uncomfortably tight?
2. Does your stomach hang out of your shirt?

3. Does your shirt mash your breasts into the shape of lumpy flapjacks?

4. When you bend or twist, does your shirt rip open?

5. When you walk down the street, do people yell from their cars, "Get a bigger shirt!"?

how to disguise cankles

You could try one (or two) of these:

And if that doesn't work, here are some tips.

"fred meyer" "sex toys"

You are so barking up the wrong tree.

Does Robert Downey Jr. need glasses?
I'm not really sure, but my brother, who is possibly RDJ's illegitimate child, doesn't need glasses, if that helps.

dennis hopper speed quote
Dennis Hopper as villain Howard Payne in
Speed is perhaps the greatest performance in history. I'm constantly trying to convince people of this, but they insist on saying boneheaded things about Laurence Olivier and Marlon Brando, at which point I cut them out of my life (I only have two friends left). In short, I'm glad to see someone paying homage to the Hopper. There's a number of fantastic quotes you could be searching for, but let me run down the top possibilities:
--"Popquiz, hotshot"

--"What do you do? What do you do?"

--"Are you ready to die, friend?"

daddylikey needs to do another podcast!
Eek! I'm sorry! I'm working on it! In the meantime, listen the first/last one again.

accidental emasculation
Are we talking the kind of accidental emasculation like the time you let it slip that your boyfriend likes Sex and the City more than you do, or the kind that involves pruning shears? Because there's a big difference.

faking a bulge in tights

Speaking of emasculation...

kristen cavalari--kristin cavallari--cavaleri--cavalleri

Oh! You must mean Kristen Cavalari...Kristin Cavallari....Cavaleri...Cavalleri...damnit!

How to talk dirty in bed using the phrase "daddy"
Wow. Uuuhhh, wow. Do you always google your sex tips so...formally?

most rhymable countries
Excuse me while I lay down some freestyle limericks to answer this query:

In a beautiful boutique in France
I spent way too much money on pants
Now I am poor
But they're Christian Dior!
I might as well wear them and dance

Nowhere is more perfect than Spain
If you go there, please do not complain
Land of beaches and booze
and Penelope Cruz
To disagree would be insane

Spent the summer in Uzbekistan
Fell and got a bruisebekistan
This limerick is dead
I should quit while ahead
I'm gonna push throughzbekistan


Anonymous said...

you are so my hero

Aimee Marie said...

Haha, this is amazing. I've had a few weird ones myself, but nothing this bizarre! said...

People are crazy! Funny, but crazy.

Danz said...

lol hilarious...

Anonymous said...

Remind me again why you aren't rich and famous yet?

WendyB said...

As the eBayers say, A+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ post.

Also, quick delivery.

the upper vest side said...

bruisezbekistan!! hilarious! :D

Pamcasso said...

I want to formally recommend the film Blue Velvet to whoever wanted to know about Freudian dirty sex talk.

emmag said...

Ahhhhh, my favorite Daddy Likey feature! And it didn't disappoint today. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

I mentally squealed for joy at my desk at work today when I saw the title. Thanks!

Couture Carrie said...

hysterical post!!! especially the GED one!

pretty said...

What the lady coveted said: you ARE my hero!

Now how do I see what people inadvertantly have asked me? Someone said google analytics but I'm afraid that my ICT GCSE has obviously not helped in ANY practical way because that failed... abysmally.

I did make my own prettyface blog search engine though! Go me! (I love exclamation marks too!) said...

lol, I need to get a bigger shirt. =*(

Anonymous said...

Your poems inspire me to become a nude mime again.

- That One Lindsay Grl

Rachel said...

Have you thought of quitting school and becoming a professional limericker? I hear it's extremely practical lucrative.

Oh jesus, I just remembered that my evil friends and I wrote a whole book of limericks about our classmates in 6th grade. They were totally despicable and also really bad (example: "there once was a dumbass named Austin/who a mental fog was lost in..." I mean, jeez. That story probably belongs to the TMI club, but I just thought of it for the first time in years. Anyway, um...yours are better.

yuki said...

It is splendid blog. I am studied.
Please link to this site!

Pamcasso said...

you've been TAGGED! (no pressure, er, maybe a little...)

A Black Tie Event said...

Seriously, that just made my day. I love your blog, it's very funny. I'm definitely linking you.

Anonymous said...

oh wow i never knew throughzbekistan was an actual word. you learn something knew every day.

har HAR.

swop shop ahoy. as in...we have a swop shop ahoy on our blog, come visit if you like!

Elizabeth said...

Best limericks ever.

The Supermixer said...

you are so incredibly witty hahahahaha love the limerick!

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Anonymous said...

+。°? 酒店經紀 -小可 ?+。°

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