Someone Won a Prada Today. It's a Good Day.

It went by so fast, but it has indeed been 7 days since I posted the Prada haiku contest and that means it's time to announce the winner! I have gotta say, wow, those were some freakin' incredible haiku (no, my "s" key isn't broken--haiku are like sheeps sheep). Again, for emphasis: freakin' incredible haiku. If you haven't checked them out, click here--with over 200 entries, it's a great way to waste some Monday work time.

Here's a haiku from Basho, the 17th century Japanese haiku master:

the first cold shower
even the monkey seems to want
a little coat of straw

You guys' haiku were like, a million times better. In fact, if MC Basho was alive today, I would go to his posse's hangout and throw down this response haiku:

My readers' haiku
Kick your haiku's ass. Even
the monkey agrees.

Seriously, I checked the comments hourly (er...I mean, I got to them whenever I could considering my extremely busy schedule) and I was constantly amazed by your poetic talent and comedic skillz. My co-judge and I agonized over the decision, but a winner soon emerged.

Her name is Hannah, and she delivered this trifecta of hilarious haiku, which received bonus points for a) employing the traditional haiku rule of referencing the season/weather, and b) the use of word "woe," which is, in my opinion, the greatest and most underrated word in the English language:

Leaves blow in cool wind.
I spend forty bucks on J.
Crew jelly flats. Woe.

Ralph Lauren, you make
me want yachts. I can't even
afford your visors.

It was a cold day.
Caught my brother jerking it
To the AA site.

Congratulations, Hannah! You're the owner of a new Prada wallet. Maybe you can trade it in for a yacht?

But wait, stop the presses! Three runners-up were so good that they will also receive prizes (not Prada prizes, but still):

Pamcasso's was just perfect:

Tom Ford why the hell
Are all the models naked?
I thought you sold clothes!

Christina and Emily's was really beautifully done:

Roberto makes me
Choose sequins over good taste,
Feathers over shame.

And d'jen had an excellent point:

Stella McCartney
Why make nice exercise clothes?
Those women don’t sweat

But wait, stop the presses again! Several other entries stood out (I wasn't lying when I said you guys were good!), and therefore I have created another series of awards to properly honor them:

Most Sexually Deviant: Ms. Wendy Brandes

Hey, Daddy Likey!
I will show-cha my cho-cha
For a Prada prize.

and

No, seriously,
I will show-cha my cho-cha
And maybe tits too!

The Unfortunately, I Wouldn't Be Surprised Award goes to Rachel:

Do all the size two
Samples from the designers
Come with free tapeworm?

Best Reference to the Best TV Show goes to NYI for this gem:

Tobias meet Karl,
fellow leather daddy who'll
forgive the cut-offs.

The Bad Designer Gave Me Insomnia Award goes to The Sunday Best:

Last night I dreamt of
all the good things made by Guess.
It was a short dream.

Most Stylish Amputee: The Fashionhead

if i received a
left Louboutin heel i would
cut off my right foot

The So Sad But So True Award goes to Prunella:

It sucks being poor
as you rarely find Anna
Sui at T.J. Maxx.

Best Use of Pool Pee Nostalgia: Captain Vee

See by Chloe love
is like peeing in a pool-
I'm warm all over

The Hilarious/Horrifying Combo Platter Award goes to Julie:

Only Louis Vuitton
I ever owned was a fish.
Met a comic death.

Most Heartfelt/Most Swedish: Emi

I have no money
Prada you can still help me
Hold fake cash, real dreams

The Haiku So Sassy It Made Me Do An Involuntary Z-Snap was from Elise:

stella mccartney
you have a name for fashion
could use an eye though

Thank you so, so much to everyone who entered and to all the fantastic bloggers who promoted the contest, and keep an eye out for another one in the near future (I've got some ideas...). You guys rock. I love you. Hikuz 4 Lyph!

*Everyone whose haiku was featured in this post should email me with their name and mailing address so I can send out prizes and awesome personalized award certificates!*