Cheap Chic Recessionista Cliche Chronicles Volume I: Shop Your Closet!

As many of you have surely noticed, one side effect of the bad economy has been the awkward attempts by fashion media to work realistic, affordable ideas into their coverage.

Ideally these tough times would mean more creative and useful style tips for the masses. In reality, it has meant the criminal overuse of the word "recessionista," condescending travelogues in which chic fashion writers venture into big box stores (eeeww!), and a level of worship for Forever 21 that surely violates the first commandment.

So, to hop on the bandwagon and to honor the 30 of you who voted as a joke that they'd like to see more such articles here (laughing now? ha!), I'd like to present the Cheap Chic Recessionista Cliche Chronicles, a parody of this disturbing trend in fashion journalism. These posts will be packed with cliches, condescending tones, and ridiculous tips that don't make any sense.

And what better topic to start us off than the much-hyped "shop your closet" theory? While this is a great idea at its core--look through your closet for older clothes you can make new again, instead of buying new stuff--and has been written about in wonderful creative ways by hard-hitting fashion bloggers like Sal and WendyB, "Shop Your Closet" articles usually look more like this:

Cheap Chic Recessionista Cliche Chronicles Volume 1: Shop Your Closet!

Every fabulous recessionista knows that in this economy, cheap chic is the way to go. And it doesn't get much cheaper or chicer than shopping in your closet! Seriously, rediscovering old clothes crammed in the back of your closet can be just as fun as shopping at a real live store if you follow these helpful tips:

+ Make your existing pieces feel luxe by buying price tags and attaching them to bargain pieces. For example, clip a "$1000" price tag onto a Forever 21 purse, then pick it up off the shelf, check the tag, and say something silly like, "Hmmm...not sure if I can afford this!" Nothing distracts from recessions and pandemics like a hearty LOL.

+ Take this idea to the next level and go buy expensive pieces from top designers like Prada or Louis Vuitton, rip the labels out, and affix them to your existing clothing and accessories. Shopping your closet gets much more fun when all your Gap tees magically become Dolce & Gabbana. (To be extra eco-friendly, repurpose the ripped-up designer items as dish rags.)

+ Consider hiring a full-time employee to work in your closet. Instruct them to greet you with a smile and help you choose outfits. They could even stand in the corner and look down their noses at you, if you want your closet to feel like an upscale boutique.

+ Install unflattering lighting to add to the ambiance.

+ Can't afford a good tailor? Do your own creative alterations to make old clothes feel new. For example, rip the crotch out of a pair of leather pants--voila, Instant chaps!

As you can see, with a little creativity and a lot of money, any girl with any budget can enjoy a guilt-free shopping spree in her own closet and become a recessionista fashionista!