Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Top 5 Obvious Problems with the Outrageously Long Lashes in Mascara Ads

1. I'm not sure how I feel about eyelashes mingling with eyebrows. I mean, we could look at it like a peas and mashed potatoes situation and I shouldn't complain because it's all going to blend together in my stomach anyway, but I think I'd just feel better if they were kept separate.

2. A large spider might try to mate with your eye.

3. If your eyelids can't bear the weight of your mascara, you'll be forced to close your eyes for long periods of time, during which bandits could make off with your purse or write "Loser" on your forehead.

4. Mutant lashes like these could easily get caught in a car door, and good god would that be messy.

5. They look weird.

41 comments:

futurelint said...

Ha! Some of them are ridiculous! Beauty standards are so strange sometimes - shave your legs, armpits, pluck your eyebrows, BUT - those hairs GROWING OUT OF YOUR EYES? ACCENTUATE those! THOSE are SEXY! Bizarre how it all got started...

Lizabeth said...

God, I missed you!

Princess Poochie said...

My lashes do touch my eyebrows...but I think that's because my eyebrows stink. These help too - http://twitpic.com/t9odk

WendyB said...

Ooh, I'm going to post a pic of my Gaga lashes for you!

abt arcade said...

what really gets me about mascara ads is that they perpetrate like their mascara actually makes mutant lashes easily possible- when actually it's just mutant falsies at work.

but seriously, i have an eyelash fetish i think. even though i was blessed with long, thick lashes, i always want them longer and fuller! i totally go for the falsie look without actually falsies, which are a pain in the ass. my fetish ain't that strong!

lisa said...

It IS hard to tell where the lashes end and the spider legs begin.

ewe said...

i love your blog, especially posts about too short skirts and hideous fashion experiments of some >so called< designers ;) and this one reminded me about a parody of the telescopic mascara ad with penelope cruz: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SklhZO-MCE8 enjoy.

Anne (in Reno) said...

I so needed that laugh. And the pictures are so dead-on. And futurelint, I totally agree! Eye hairs are so in! Who decides these things?

Luinae said...

YES- this post is pure, epic win!

Ariel said...

i laughed so hard at this i showed it to my brother, and without reading the caption he looks at the first picture and says "good god, they touch her eyebrows." and i laughed.

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

So...um...I am the only one who actually want lashes like that....umm....okay....right....

evanadine said...

ive always wondered how mascara ads can get away with so blatantly using false eyelashes to promote a product intended to make your lashes look longer and thicker. seems to scream "FALSE ADVERTISING!" to me -- can anyone explain how thats legal??

Miss Peregrin said...

I love you! Now watch me roll around my living room bursting into laughter. Thumbs up to this post!

Erin said...

that was great!
togandtrappings.blogspot.com

Helen said...

Another thing I'd like to know is why anyone would want to wear neon pink eyeshadow? Especially a redhead.
Maybe conjunctivitus is in this spring?

Sal said...

Man alive, those are some spooky lashes. I mean, there's "plump" and then there's "centipede."

Katy Mary said...

hahaha too funny. These pics are rediculous I never really thought about it before

Robo said...

Well with two coats of Dior Show, my lashes can touch my eyebrows, but I have long eyelashes to begin with (please don't hate me -- the genes that gave me long lashes also make me fuzzy everywhere else).

Interestingly, in the UK, they have little disclaimers on mascara ads that say the models have been styled with falsies AND stuff has been added in post-production! Similar disclaimers are given in ads for hair products.

Nevertheless, the commentary is gold :)

The Cake Decorator's Daughter said...

Some of those are insane. Hilarious writing!

GLC said...

If you can bat your eyes and people nearby feel a breeze or you strain a muscle, maybe you should cut back on the mascara and false eyelashes.

Levinson Axelrod said...

Haha... I know. I always look at these and think to myself-- FAAAAAAAAAKE. But at the same time, fake lashes always look better than short stumpy real ones, so I don't blame the advertisers too much.

Renée T. Bouchard said...

I'll be honest- I don't mind using falsies to enhance my own lashes, but the people that wear straight-up full false eyelashes in life just weird me out.

http://reneetbouchard.blogspot.com
http://reneetbouchard.com

Allison said...

I have never laughed so hard as when I saw a commercial for a vibrating mascara brush. It makes me think there's people with handlebar mustaches (well mascara-ed, of course) in some corporation somewhere rubbing their hands together asking, "what USELESS overpriced cosmetic gizmo can we market to them next!?"

Anna M. said...

Anyone else reminded of the Aeon Flux eye/Venus flytrap thing?

Lovers, Saints and Sailors said...

God that whole thing is so annoying! When I was at Beauty School we had to study ads and recreate the looks and the mascarra ones always pissed me off. I mean they are so blatantly not real. It doesn't stop us all buying the stuff though...

Rachel said...

what about all the benefits of super huge lashes? UV protection, self defense....ok thats all i got.

JRose said...

this is so hilariously true!
also, am i the only one who gets a headache from wearing false eyelashes?

Alpha Monkey said...

Allison...that vibrating mascara is not for your eyes, silly! They just market it that way. Same reason some electric toothbrushes have a soft, pointy end...discretion.

tor (fabfrocks) said...

Looking at all these pouty faces it could also cause you to lose control of your own lips!

GB73 said...

Maybe the fashion gurus want us to have well-toned eyelids to match those well-toned biceps or abs or legs or whatever!!

p.s.-Allison- love the visual of much-mascaraed handlebars. LOL!

Alfalfa Anne said...

I bought some fake eyelashes for New Year's and when I tried them on, they totally looked ridiculous. So I tried giving them a trim... but then they just got all uneven and I almost lost an eye.

Sigh. Lesson learned.

Kyle Lynn said...

It's pretty crappy that all those eyelashes are FAKE! Help out the real girls with their everyday eyelashes....

Tynan, Angelica said...

Whenever I consider false eyelashes, I think of Steve Carell at the 2006 Academy Awards.

Each blink was hysterically fraught.

Ying said...

I laugh at these all.the.time. I especially love the Eva Longoria/Loreal commercial. HELLO! What woman in her right mind BELIEVES that a mascara is going to do THAT for her eyes? They just need to skip the whole mascara deal and go straight to whatever false eyelashes they're using. (But I STILL wouldn't buy the product because it so obviously fake!)

jess said...

When I worked as a makeup artist I had to wear fake lashes to work all the time -

my Number One Issues with fake lashes (which is what all mascara ads use) is that they are SO ANNOYING when you are wearing sunglasses! They constantly push against your glasses every time you blink. Rawr

gem fatale said...

Hahaha, those ads are so effing ridiculous. They put in the small print that they use fake lashes for the shots anyway, so really, what are they advertising?!
Looks like Lily's had some kind of allergic reaction in the last picture. Pink-eye - yet another reason to avoid ridiculous lashes!

Razzi said...

FUNNIEST post Ive seen in a long time!!!

http://www.littlerazzi.blogspot.com

Kate Coveny Hood said...

#2 is my favorite.

I have stinky eyelashes - so I rarely pay attention to those ads. Nothing is going to make mine look long and curly.

Speaking of curly eyelashes, I was watching Heroes the other day and noticed that EVERY female cast member (and there are something like 500 of them) had realy curly eyelashes. Like not possible in nature kind of curly. Even the characters without super powers. I think their makeup artist has an eyelash fetish. I'm picturing mini hot rollers. I just don't know how else you could get eyelashes to curl like that...

kate said...

i don't mind mutantish long lashes, but i haaate perfectly even-spaced lashes. it's like punctuation or a kid's sun drawing. you gotta fuzz them up a little.

Adrienne said...

And it's funny how underneath the ads in magazines they say in tiny tiny print, "model is wearing mascara over false lashes". :P

Jamie said...

These ads always remind me of the horrific evening in which my girlies and I decided to drink and beautify. I have naturally long lashes but my love Ames decided we should make them look photo-shopped long. Alcohol+false eyelashes+lash glue=bad idea/ husband laughing so hard he almost wets himself as I cry "She blinded me she blinded me" Ames totally managed to glue my lashes shut. This is why I stick to lipbalm minimal amount of trauma

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