Monday, September 24, 2007

Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey!

One of the advertising programs I use includes a feature that allows me to be my own lil' version of Big Brother (in the Orwellian, rather than RealityShowian, sense) and see the words and phrases people have typed into google that brought them to Daddy Likey.

For example, if someone searches for "how to look like a refrigerator," and Google helpfully directs them to this post, this program will show me that someone searched for "how to look like a refrigerator," and I will laugh. (Don't panic--it's totally anonymous. It doesn't tell me your name, address, and how you voted in the last election or anything, although it probably would if I paid for an upgrade.)

I think that a lot of bloggers use this tool to adjust their content and see their readership skyrocket and blah blah blah, but I'd rather turn it into a regular feature called...

Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey!

Every so often, I'll choose some of these searched phrases and respond to them as if they were submissions to a really strange and dysfunctional advice column. Not really getting it? Just read a few, and I think you will. All searched phrases are in bold italics but otherwise left unchanged. My responses are below in the normal font. Here we go...

"it's my birthday bitches"

You seem a bit hostile. Perhaps your friends aren't meeting your emotional needs? Try to re-examine the priorities in your life, and surround yourself with positive influences. And happy birthday!

"i love my overalls."
i do too. Sing it loud and proud, sister!

abercrombie and fitch marketing techniques

I've always thought that the A&F marketing meetings went something like this:
"Alright, so what's our big idea for this quarter? We want something bold, something fresh, something that the kids will really relate to."

"Hot, naked people?"

"Great! Who's buying lunch?"

bad grade p.e. running in the heat.

You just gave me the worst flashbacks. Damnit.

30% off anthropologie sale
LOL! Good one!

5 adjectives to describe a rubber ducky
Hmmm....I'll go with "squishy," "squeaky," "adorable," "yellow," and "buoyant." Also, why in God's name are you googling this?

any man can be a dad but not many can be a daddy

Ummm...sure. I guess I could get behind that.

how to tie a scarf on your head gangster style
I hate to break it to ya, kid, but if you're Googling this, you're kind of a crappy gangster. For a start, try to say "gangsta" instead of "gangster." It will improve your street cred. I am a white girl from a small town in Oregon. I know these things.

do men notice woman's shoes
I didn't used to think so, but according to the comments and emails I got after this post, I guess they kind of do.

catwalk diet
I've heard it's something like cigarettes, champagne, and maybe a little coke. Talk to your doctor before beginning any new diet or exercise program.

caught dad wearing tights
Well, that is definitely awkward.

picture of the midget from willow
Those can be tough to find. Here you go:

is stegosaurus capitalized
I've always wondered that too.

Hilary Duff diet secret
OMG! I totally know it! Click here! Click here!

"what do girls where under a mini skirt/dress"

First of all, I must commend you for not taking part in "flip-up Friday," which is how the upstanding young men of my generation answered this question (I still hesitate before pulling on a skirt on that traumatic day of the week). Your kindness and chivalry will get you far in life. You know what else will get you far in life? Spelling and grammar. Pay attention in language arts class, and someday you'll meet a smart, strong woman who will answer all your questions.

my disorganization is ruining my life
I. Feel. Your. Pain. I'd ask you to meet up for coffee but I can't find my planner.


Zenobiah said...

LOL!!!! That is hilarious! I found your blog through some other fashion blog ( I forget which one) and I must say it has kept me in stitches, especially the "Stow your victims in style" bag review. I think I was laughing for like ten minutes.

Thanks for being funny!

Irina said...

i LOVE this post!!!

Anonymous said...

that's so funny. i always laugh/point at the ridiculous search terms that bring people to my page. good to know i'm not the only one!

Anonymous said...

Hysterical. Typepad has a stats page that does this. The one that freaked me out the most was the search for 'how to fake a pregnancy.' Almost makes me want to change that blog post title from 'Fake Pregnancy Chic' to something else.

faux mccoy said...

love it, winona
love you too


Unknown said...

1. I cackled at "is stegosaurus capitalized". What? Who thinks a fashion blog is a likely click through? Who doesn't check a dictionary? I love dinosaurs more than is strictly speaking healthy for someone who is not a five year old boy or a paleontologist. If only some designer would decide dinosaurs were the new skulls, I would have a whole new dinosaur themed casual wardrobe.

2. I clicked through to the old "men noticing women's shoes" post and now my unsatiated lust for those D&G oxfords has been reignited. Damnation!

Peajai said...

That was exactly the sort of laugh I needed for a Monday! I just discovered this morning that a "snap crotch pictures" google search brought someone to my site. Since I am at work, I did not dare check to see what other sites that search would take you to.

Anonymous said...

oh my god, you are absolutely delightful!

Anonymous said...

Ok, I'm slightly ashamed to say that, indeed...

"is stegosaurus capitalized"

is mine.

I'm not even lying.

But I knew about your blog beforehand! And I read it faithfully. :)

Miss A said...

Hilarious. I can't believe the things people type into Google... But then again my cookies show that I've asked the following questions: "what to wear to beach in fall with rain" and " normal length of nail beds". I probably shouldn't mock...

daddylikeyblog said...

I'm so glad you're enjoying the blog. Isn't that bag insane?? I think that even though I'm a perfectly good and moral person, if I bought that bag I'd have to kill someone, just to make good use of the space.

Thanks for commenting, babe!

I know, it's one of my favorite pastimes, which I'm going to have to cut down on now that school is back in session...

Yeah, there are a lot of search phrases that come up that are straight-up scary. I wonder if the people who work at Google have lost all faith in humanity.

I love you more.

I think my fashion blog may be the only when where this query actually makes sense. Check out this post if you haven't already, as it may relate to your passion for stegosauruses...stegosauri? damnit, there's another google search.

Too funny! But yeah, when I think of your site, the first thing that comes to mind is "snap crotch pictures."

I think we tie for absolute delightfulness.

I can barely express in words how much I admire you for
1. asking Google if stegosaurus is capitalized.
2. admitting it!
I am definitely guilty of the first point myself (as evidenced in the post I linked to above). Keep reading faithfully, and know that I love you.

Miss A--
LOL! That is exactly why I try to not save my searches. Because when I forget to, things like "why did julia roberts marry lyle lovett?" pop up. So yeah, I'd rather just laugh at other people's.

Cate said...

hahahahahaha....priceless. i gotta know, though, where is "flip-up friday" a thing? i';m on the east coast and i've heard of "whip 'em out wednesday," popularized by two juvenile DJs and propagated by bumper stickers on cars and suspiciously large SUVs...but flip up friday?

daddylikeyblog said...

I guess flip-up friday is a thing in Oregon, and failing that generalization, at my elementary school in my tiny town in Oregon. You know you jealous.

queenzelda said...

tee hee.. you almost made the pain of still being at work at midnight go away.

la petite fashionista said...

haha i love this new feature daddylikey:) i love looking at the search engine searches that bring people to my site as well. you've got some hillarious ones haha


Anonymous said...

Google searches are the best! I get "30 year olds ass" and "50's housewife" quite a lot. Strange but true.

Alison at Wardrobe Oxygen said...

Oh, this is so what i do with my blogs when I am procrastinating and get tons of giggles from the searches. Of course lots of pervs but lots of super crazy ones that make you wonder WHY did you feel my blog was a place to find your answer? Too fun!

erin said...

i think i might laugh about the midget from willow all day. and the stegosaurus question? pure gold, andrea!

Queen Michelle said...

OK, I just had this one which was a Google image search - they had typed in "Dj little white girl on crack gone crazy in sparkley tights" and up pops a picture of me in a MaxMara dress! I'm a DJ. I'm white. I wear sparkly tights - OMG it's like they KNOW me!!! (apart from the crack - but when I'm a bit pissed off I could be mistaken for being on crack I guess...)

Julianne said...

That is truly brilliant. I could do a similar thing based on the random searches I get...some of them have nothing to do with fashion and I wonder if Google managed to crawl the text in its own ads!

Anonymous said...

oh my god too hilarious! i must steal your idea pretty please? LOL no for real tho i have some classics like "jamaican men hair wraps styles" and " you should wear v neck t shirt if your head is shape wat? "

i think im gonna google that one to see if squared heads and triangle heads should really be wearing v-necks :D

Blue Floppy Hat said...

I get "teens in stilettos" all the time. Or something similar, anyway.
Also, for some reason, lots of '60s sexpot'- I don't feature a lot of those on my blog.. said...

OMG! I cant remember the last time I laughed so hard. True, I need to get out more, but still you're hilarious! I love this post.

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