Sunday, April 01, 2007

A Multi-Layered Problem

So, I have to say that this layering thing is really getting out of hand.

When the concept first came out, when we saw that first glorious glimpse of a longer t-shirt under a contrasting shorter one, or leggings peeking out from under a skirt, or a mini-mini-dress over skinny jeans, well, things were so innocent and exciting back then. Layering brought a new shape and provided infinite opportunities to play and create fun outfits. I happily invested in about 800 slim, long-cut shirts and continue to layer them with great and fashionable delight.


But somewhere along the line, a Dark Side of layering has emerged. Yes, the Imperial Fashion Forces grabbed onto this trend and pushed it to the limit, declaring that more is always better but a five shirt minimum is best.

I'm all for layering and limit-pushing, but, for example, a recent Lucky magazine (yes, despite all the hatin', I'm still readin') editorial entitled "Spring Layering" so resembled a snuff film in which the model is slowly strangled to death by shirts and sweaters and vests and coats and leggings that I could barely get through it (and by "I could barely get through it," I mean, "I looked at it for like seventeen hours and invited friends over to laugh at it with me.") The poor model was often wearing a tank top, a t-shirt, two sweaters, a vest, a skirt, a dress, two coats, and a pile of tangled necklaces, and her smile was as strained as you'd expect from someone whose ribcage is slowly collapsing under four-hundred pounds of cashmere.


So I thought, well, I could scan in the magazine pages to illustrate my point. Or I could recreate them in my kitchen...

Daddy Likey presents:

A Not-That-Exaggerated Interpretation of the Lucky Magazine Spring Layering Guide

or

A Cautionary Tale of Uber-Layering

We'll start off with a nice, basic foundation. A t-shirt and mini skirt will do nicely:

Did I say "basic foundation?" I'm sorry. I meant, "BOORRRIIINNNG." Look how sad I am! Nobody wants to wear an outfit so boring! I yearn for layers! (Full disclosure: I also might be sad because the camera angle makes me look like I'm built like a 49ers linebacker and hundreds of people are going to see these pictures, but it's most likely because I'm yearning for layers.)

A vest and a necklace should fix things:

Ah yes, much better. Now I'm very pleased with myself. But still, it's missing something...Let's see...we've got a skirt, t-shirt, vest....ooh! I know! A dress!

Notice how my top half is starting to look as large as a refrigerator while my legs appear tiny in comparison? Good, see, that's the idea. If your legs can still support your torso by the end of this process then you have failed. Repeat after me, ladies: Top-heavy is tops!

Still, there is a gaping void in my outfit that only a baggy cardigan can fill:

Cute, but I feel so naked! A coat will make it better:

The addition of this coat has so inspired me that I have struck a sexy pose! (Let it be noted that I actually moved my arms to this position and they got stuck.)

And what did your mother always tell you to put on after your coat, cardigan, skirt, dress, vest, and t-shirt? That's right, another vest and a tie and a beret:

My friend Rachel pushed my arms down for me, and this is when my lungs started to implode.

But we're not quite done yet. It's spring! Your ensemble should be light, comfortable, and perfectly put together, like our final product here:

Yes, I am now uber-layered and seem to be roughly as wide as I am tall. Success! I know what you're thinking: Get the hell out of the way, Coco Chanel, a new style icon's in town! Well, either that or "What the hell is that woman who lives in the alley next to my apartment and constantly yells about the rabid hedgehog invasion doing on a fashion blog?"

Here are some detail shots for inspiration:


This is where my boobs used to be:


Here's me trying to look pretty despite my imminent, triple-coat-induced death:


And how I really feel:


Please layer responsibly.

p.s. Thanks to my dearest Rachy for helping choose outfits, taking the pictures, and saving my life afterwards.

55 comments:

QM said...

OMG!!! That's hilarious! Yes, irresponsible layering is reaching epidemic proportions - just because one has clothes is their wardrobe does not mean one must wear then all at once! I have seen layering to this level on real people. Dresses over skirts which go over vests going over t-shirts which go all go under cardigans under jackets which all go under a coat, finally wrapped with a scarf and perhaps some headgear. Just silly. Heat exhaustion people, heat exhaustion!

Anonymous said...

This was teh funniest post ever - I'm still laughing VERY LOULDY in my seat!

Great Job on your blog!

Anonymous said...

I just about keeled over when I read this. I fell in love with Lucky mag a couple of years ago, but the layering thing has completely taken over. I rant about it each time an issue arrives. I think my husband is about to start hiding them from me. Each and every item they show is like $200. By the time you layer 5 to 7 items on, I would be scared to leave the house. Those outfits cost more than my car.

Love your blog!!!!

Candid Cool said...

Hilarious post!

I sooo see this on Facehunter.

eye4style said...

LOL...This is the most awesome post I have ever seen. LOVED IT!

DeeDee said...

Too funny!! You made my Monday morning. Thanks! You remind me of the type of person who always sits beside me on the bus and wants to chat.

ricanprincess said...

YES...YES...YES...I got my Lucky yesterday and when I read this section I was amazed that they are still trying to push this on people...the model looked ridiculous & her hair was limp and looked nasty. I am especially upset at this because I have been reading LUCKY for years, and I truly love the mag. Anyways, loved the post, love you blog, keep up the good work.

Sarah said...

This was so funny that I almost spit coffee all over my keyboard! I have to admit, I am guilty of over-layering sometimes...when it comes to going out, I just start putting things on over other things until I get something I'm satisfied with. I will try to be more responsible! :)

Eli said...

you look like the grandma from "the nanny"

Amblus said...

See, this is why the models have gotten so skeletal, to make room for the LAYERS. Wildly impractical! Impossibly classic! Oh, Lucky magazine, you are so ridiculous. (And you, daddylikey, are brilliant. Brilliantly layery.)

Meg said...

HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!

papagena said...

Yikes! I'm all for layering ( well, long tank tops under everything), but I think the look on your face says it all. then again, the tie adds a classy touch... :)

Emma said...

i used to go to camp with this girl.
she would wear, like, five shirts, six necklaces, leggings, THREE SKIRTS (i don't even know where she puts them), big clunky shoes and SOCKS.
i was like, we know you have clothes. you don't have to wear them all at once. pace yourself, lass.

Joei said...

I am dying over here. I was laughing so hard I silenced the people in the hall waiting for the elevator. It was mostly for your recreation segment, but also the fact that Lucky didn't call it Spring-y Layering.

chic simplicity said...

you are brilliant!! this is too funny!!!

RachelP said...

Wow, who knew your boobs could ever completely disappear like that? Is that a painting of yours or Rachel's? It looks lovely in your kitchen, but what if you added eight mats, three frames, a sketch, and two collages to it? What? Too many layers you say?

ambika said...

I saw this feature and remember thinking that the 2nd or 3rd to last photo was always better than the final result. When will Lucky-y ever learn?

Sundancer said...

Everyone needs good layering skills. How else will we be prepared to flee for our lives when the end comes and we can only take the clothes on our backs? Those not skilled in layering will be horribly unfashionable in the refugee camps when they only have one outfit. ;) You do look a little like a fashion refugee...

The Tinfoil Saint said...

that is amazing. and true. amazingly true? i live in florida and it's pretty pitiful to see these dumb girls hobbling around under layers and layers in humid 89 degree weather.

so i laugh at them. because my compassion expresses itself through laughter?

GirlPaint said...

Beautiful. Now you're all ready for Easter (or Passover, as the case may be). Dear Lord, Have Mercy on our Gal, Winona.

Lifeline said...

Hmm, your post is really daring me to try out the method. Good when you have your closet exploding in a tiny apt like mine. Ha ha. Love your blog.

Cristina said...

Hee, hee. Awesome. :)

Lily Plume said...

you are so hilarious, i just love reading your blog!! and another coffee almost on keyboard :)

jEzmiNe tHe shOpPeR said...

it totally get it!! super hilarious...

Distar said...

hilarious!

lmao

raging indie said...

I forwarded this to all my friends. Where can I get two purses?

Mindy said...

Okay. I'll admit it. I'm a little slow. It took me three passes through the pics to notice you had layered your shoes. Hilarious!

Jamie said...

Brava Girl! Brava!!! Brilliant! I agree,This was the most hilarious post!!

yummy411 said...

omigosh!!!! i haven't been past your blog in a little while only to find the most (expected) hilarious post!!!! that was so great. you were so mary kate and ashley! wait! now i have to go back and see how you layered your shoes!!! LLOLL great post! you have my award for greatest post WITH PICTURES LOL

Sales Rack Raider said...

This is great! I really needed a good laugh.

I read the Lucky "guide" this weekend and found it utterly ridiculous. Next thing you know, they'll tell us to wear 3 belts and 2 layers of socks of varying colors.

*Spacy Casey* said...

Hahaha! That was awesome. Public Service Announcement - do not overlayer. :)

Anonymous said...

Followed the link from manolo's shoe blog. Hilarious. I have subcribed to Lucky since the first issue and have increasly come to hate the magazine but yet find it hilarious. That last photo reminds of Friends when Joey wore all of Chandlers clothes, started doing jumping jacks and let him know that he was going commando.

Anonymous said...

Excellent illustration of the over-laying... although a pair of jeans under that skirt would have been the cherry on top. :-)

kate.d. said...

funniest thing i've seen all day.

iopine said...

LUCKY has always been OTT in their approach to styling. I'd say they are UNlucky, but that's just me.

I love this.

Thanks for saying what we all feel.

Stylish Thought said...

I call it the wearing ALL YOUR FAVORITE THINGS syndrome... start by peeling back one beaded necklace at a time and you should be fine...many people, women in particular, are plagued with this disease everyday! lol

Miss A said...

Thank you for making my day. Hilarious!

Carissa said...

LMFAO! Two pairs of shoes, my god.

Anonymous said...

you're amazing!!!

Anonymous said...

hilarious!!!
but, come on, you could have handles another bag or belt ;O)

Riona said...

Only one pair of glasses? For shame!

Brilliant blog, thank you!

applediva said...

Funny as hell.... When bad layering happens to good people!!

Tamron Lohan said...

gah haaa! reminds me of that "friends" where joey has to wear all of his clothes. "could I BE wearing any more clothes??"

Jill said...

hahaha, too funny!

Elle* said...

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is freaking hilarious! And I love Lucky but I was scratchin' my head at that one....!

Anonymous said...

I just started reading your blog, and came across this and laughed for a good 30 minutes. You are now my favorite blogger of all time.

Anonymous said...

Believe it or not, my daughter's friend dresses in layers 365. always dresses, skirts, tights and socks. I've seen her wear a long sleeve dress over 2 different color turtlenecks so each folded top can be seen, then a long sleeve dress (usually with a top like a boy's shirt), then one with a crew neck, then one with a "scoop" or "V" neck, then a short sleeve scoop or V neck, then a jumper, then a skirt. 2-4 tights, a few knee socks with each top showing, then 2-4 bobby socks so each cuff can be seen. My daughter told me she even layers her underwear under, between and over each pair of tights 2-4 at a time. and yet she doesn't look all that bulky and has got my daughter starting to layer dresses, tights and socks but only 2 at a time -- so far.

robin bird said...

oh dear! this is the very opposite of the inspiration photography i follow on flickr where the young female in question simply continues to remove more and more clothing, contorts to greater and greater lengths to hide her ummm... privates and finally just stands there starkers and calls it good! that is when she gets the most comments from her fans. you on the other hand have exactly 49 comments and have on waaaay too many clothes to be eligible for that flickr group.. you could though start you own perhaps... i would join!
your friend, bird tweet robin from down the road

robin bird said...

oh and btw..i got here by following a link at "into the fray" today..where you and ambika are looking very pouty divaish during your meet up in portland. then i clicked on a link that said looking like a refrigerator.. and lo and behold! it was quite accurate! the person who looked you up on google must have been amazed at hitting the target on her first try!
bird tweet robin from down the road

Gia said...

This post is sooo funny!

blair said...

Oh my god, I'm crying from laughing so hard! Love it!

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Victoria said...

This provided me with a MUCH needed laugh. Thank you! I have issues with layering myself, and sadly always end up on the booooring side of things. But, better than looking like a bag lady I guess!

Dayna said...

I saw a girl the other day in the local mall where I work wearing three minidresses layered. But no tights or anything. And its winter here. And cold. Other people were wearing snow boots (its not that cold) and jeans and jackets and ponchos and she wasn't even wearing pants. Really?

The other day I went to a midnight movie and wore 3 sweatshirts/jackets, to a point where I could barely move, and then the cinema was super heated and ended up feeling silly carrying around three jackets in the movie.

Лидочка said...

Is there something terribly wrong with me if I secretly like pic#5? Hmmm... Either way, great post, great blog!

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