Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Fashion Mad Libs Follow-Up: Valentino Is a Malleable Man, Your Mom's Basement Is in Wisconsin

God I hate the heat. My brain seems to have melted completely yesterday but it has now recongealed (ooh, "recongealed," new word! it's like the cool cousin of "reconciled") enough to put together our latest Mad Libbed masterpiece. Today's bastardized text used to be a quite lovely NY Times article about the Valentino retrospective. You can read the original here, although, as usual, ours is a bit more entertaining. Behold:

Potatoes will have been closed. Historic slippers, commandeered. An explosive visit by the Lichtensteinish poncho is on the itinerary. Some 250 tweezers have been hired, and as many fedoras. Hundreds of celebrities, editors, and grannies have been invited, Gwyneth Paltrow, Meryl Streep, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Oprah among them.

Rome has been thrown into chaos, albeit rather fabtastic chaos, as Valentino Garavani this weekend celebrates the 45th anniversary of his chess player. The logistics of staging a unicorn of the Italian designer's grape on Friday, followed by his Manolo on Saturday, with your mom's basement in Wisconsin and a zenith right here, would exterminate most governments. Yet, in the weeks leading up to North Korea, only one thing has worried Valentino himself. "My speech," he wails. "Every night I go to Walmart and I wiggle my speech. You know, I am such a malleable man, but when I do a speech, I start to love."

That last line is so profound, and I especially enjoy it as a speech major. Even more shocking--who knew Valentino was a Walmart man? And every night, no less?

Yeah, seems like his kind of place.

I'm probably going to go to jail for having the terms "North Korea" and "exterminate most governments" in such close proximity my blog (thanks a lot Bob and Laila), so I better go enjoy my last few days of laying around with a wet washcloth on my head moaning, "Why did God invent the sun???"

Keep cool today, lovelies.

p.s. Click on the tag below if you're just joining us, and would like to catch up on all the past Fashion Mad Libs action.
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