Blogback Mountain

Probably the coolest brooch ever. (And maybe she's single? Because my brother is going to want to marry her.)

I'd pay extra for a shirt that came with mustard stains, too.

A Cup of Jo has been running the most specific gift guide in history. But it works. I'm waiting for the Dad Who Wants to Build a Bunker in Preparation for Nuclear Holocaust category (but more on that later).

Don't Read Culture Jam While Working At a National Chain Store: A cautionary tale.

When you read the words "Body Image Month," what do you think of? Tony Orlando's holiday diet? Right on, partner.

Fashion Orgasm wants to know your hair issues. Sing 'em loud and proud.

If I saw Ambika on the street wearing her rad new coat, I might have to scream something like "Ooww! Ow! Sex-ay Lady!" and then I would hate myself.

People who are more stylish than me.

I'm Always Gettin' Booty Calls

Hey Winona!!
Good to see you, er...umm...that is write to you.....I really enjoy reading your blog....as you probably know ( who wouldn't enjoy it?). Since you are doing the coat post, I wanted to see if you could help me with another problem...winteresque in nature...I absolutely heart these boots....LOVE THEM>>>


But alas, the site that sells them...only in size 8 and under....and they are cheapo bc they are man made material...Nothing wrong with being cheap...but I would love it if I could buy them for a little more in real leather. I read a little while ago that you did do a post on some Winona-esque boots that you liked....Could you possibly do a posting of Winona-esque boots for something like these? Please Winona, winter is coming and I need something I could wear and not be embarrassed that after a couple weeks of use they would be falling apart.. Thank you so much!!!
Signed,
Booty Call

Dear Booty,
Ah yes, the great boot conundrum. Judging from my friends' laments and the volume of emails I receive about finding the right pair of boots, it is by far the most pressing matter facing our nation today. I'm seriously surprised it wasn't the central issue of last night's republican debates, instead of how to keep brown people out of America.

But back to the specific question at hand (foot?). I have good news and I have bad news. Which do you want first? The good? Well, I applaud you for flouting convention. The good news is that I found a nearly identical, supercute pair of boots on sale for $69! The bad news?

They're suede.

But wait! Hang on! That doesn't have to be bad news. Let's talk about suede. Suede is leather's quiet, kind cousin. Leather might be totally cool and badass and up for anything, but suede is there when you need to talk. You might date leather for awhile and experiment with drugs together and then spend the rest of your life looking back on that time with a confused mix of regret and pride, but suede is the nice, stable one you go back to. You know how Sarah Jessica Parker dated Robert Downey Jr. and then married Matthew Broderick? Leather. Suede.

With that said, I vote you waterproof these puppies and wear 'em with pride. They will probably make you breakfast every morning, which leather would never do. Find them here.

If you're reeaaalllyy into leather (my, that is a risky phrase), then check these out too:

Palladium "Fairbanks", $169, nordstrom.com

Seychelles "At Last", $163, zappos.com

Hush Puppies "Lavish", $140, zappos.com

Puma Sport Fashion "Khaci Wns", $258, zappos.com

Most also come in brown. Godspeed, young squire.

Things I've Read That I Love

I think The Office is the greatest thing that's ever happened to America. Fuck our independence. Fuck the Emancipation Proclamation. Fuck Betty Crocker Warm Delights Brownie Bowls. (I'm probably going to be sent to Guantanamo for typing those last three sentences, but I think it was worth it to make my point).

So when I heard that Mindy Kaling (who writes, produces, and plays Kelly) also writes a fashion blog, I was both threatened and excited. Turns out both instincts were correct, because her blog rocks (yay!). It's like a way funnier version of my blog (bitch).

It's called Things I've Bought That I Love, which is yet another non-pervy title that I wish I'd considered a year ago when Daddy Likey was but a glint in my eye. But oh well, there's no room for jealousy here (I'm kidding, there's lots of room, I moved the couch).

Just go read it and laugh and come back soon, y'all hear?

p.s. Mindy, in my wildest dreams you will read this and send me an email telling me what it was like to work on Crossing Over with John Edward. Never in my life has an IMDB tidbit so piqued my interest.

Coats for the Real Douchebag

One of my BBFFs (Best Blogging Friend Forever, duh), Wendy B, made an extremely insightful comment regarding my last post: "What if I have to find a coat for a douchebag? Any suggestions for that situation?"

If I were Oprah, I would call this an "Aha Moment." (If I really were Oprah, like hell I'd be writing a fashion blog--I'd be paying Matt Damon to eat mini quiche off his abs).

How could I have been so insensitive? How many douchebags read that post and were left reeling by my brusque disregard for their feelings? How many girlfriends of douchebags are still desperately searching for the perfect douchebag-friendly coat?

I asked my brothers for help with this one, because although they are not douchebags themselves, they are experts in the field. I had them on speaker phone as we undertook a massive online search, which included the following unfortunate incident:

Brother: Oh my GOD!
Me: Jesus, what?
Brother: Don't type "douche" into Google if you have your image filter off.

Yes, it was a harrowing task, and one that stole my brother's innocence, but eventually, we found a selection of warm weather essentials perfect for douchebags of any stripe:

Ah, the classic douchebag. Toned, gelled, and bronzed, his well-practiced leer says narcissism with a twist of misogyny, on the rocks. "No means yes" is his middle name, and for this douche, only the finest American icon will do.

Not all douchebags are conformists. Some pretend they are Jared Leto.

This form of douchebaggyness occurs when the skater pothead in the back of your high school science class somehow secures a steady stream of girlfriends into his mid 20's, inflating his ego to dangerous proportions. A busy-print hoodie accessorized with faux gang sign? Dope, yo.

I'm not actually going to tell you where to buy these.

Coats for the NonDouchebag

Editor's note: I attempted to finish up this post and publish it on both Thursday and Friday, but on Thursday I binged on turkey and then watched a four hour documentary on the genocide in Darfur (my boyfriend chooses the most uplifting Thanksgiving entertainment), and yesterday I saw No Country for Old Men. Neither of these films proved conducive to writing jokes.
__________________________________________

So, an embarrassingly long time ago, one of my very dear friends, Lindsay, sent me this email:

Winona,
I have a serious question for you on behalf of my BF Alec. This is why I'm writing to you through your very important and official website blog email. He is currently searching for a jacket, a medium weight, perhaps military inspired, appropriate for a brisk day with possibly layering at a moderate price (maybe under $100). We have been looking for a website that this could be found on, but alas I'm unskilled at online shopping and even more so when it comes to men's clothing.
Love and Bunnies,
Lindsay

Between my move and the ensuing Comcast dramz, I didn't have a chance to craft a full reply before today, but I did have a chance to scour the internet in search of cool men's coats. That search led me to few coats, and one big epiphany: It is borderline impossible to find men's clothes if you are not a douchebag.

I mean, Lindsay and Alec's request doesn't seem that crazy--a cool jacket, under $100--but it is, when you consider that the mid-priced male clothing world seems to be dominated by shit like this:
Seriously. Browsing the men's section of shopping sites is like trudging through a frat party at 3 am. It's an exhausting endeavor, indeed. I brought up this issue with my own non-douchebag boyfriend, and he said flatly, "Yeah, why do you think I never go shopping?"

Even when you find a non-douchebagy item, it is almost always modeled by a douchebag, hence tainting its beauty:

I love this coat. I think it is a beautiful, versatile, flattering coat. But if the model doesn't get the hell over himself in, like, the next minute, I'm going to track him down and punch him in the mouth.
If you're less sensitive than me, here's the info: Mavi Jeans Military Twill Jacket, originally $128, on sale for $65, macys.com

But anyway, I prevailed. I trudged through countless proverbial frat parties, past the puddles of beer, ass grabs, leering glances, and sexist jokes (anyone who wants to complain about my stereotyping of fraternities, go to a fraternity), and I found a few good coats.

First up, one of the few places my boyfriend does shop: J. Crew. (He'll take Hamptons gay over douchebag any day.) Since no one can afford their normal clothes anymore, the online sale section is where it's at, and two supernice, good quality, military-inspired, mostly affordable jackets are hiding there right now:

Love love love this one. It's corduroy, has great details, and is only 80 bucks.
Cord Geary Jacket, jcrew.com

Maybe a bit boring, but it will go with anything, last forever, and keep you warm.
Fatigue Jacket, $99 (down from $145), jcrew.com

During my Great Jacket Search, I came across Topman, the male version of Topshop. I didn't do enough research to be able to declare it douchebag-free, but I did quite enjoy their coat selection. A couple favorites:

Brown Wool Mix Bomber Jacket, 60 pounds (let me just calculate that in dollars real quick...hmm...let's see...factor in the stock market, the war in Iraq, interest rates, the rise of China, the world hating us, and...this coat probably costs like five grand. Damn.), topman.com

Black Longline Jacket, 65 pounds (same deal--and for Americans, "deal" is definitely the wrong word to use there), topman.com

So yeah, the one tiny problem with Topman is that whole currency exchange thing. I'm sure it will blow over soon.

And, thank the lord, you can always count on Ebay. I typed in something really complex like "military-inspired jacket" and found some great options at great prices. One Ebay store I really like is GS-Sense, where I found tons of rad, military-inspired jackets for under 100 bucks. Like these:

G-Star, $89.99

G-Star, $59.99

G-Star, $119

And now, dear readers, I reach out to you for help. Know of any places where Alec could find a sweet jacket? Have any suggestions in general for guys who'd rather not wear message tees containing slightly differentiated versions of "I have a big penis."? Please, share your wisdom in the comments!

What I Wish the Universal Reaction to This Photo of 18-Year-Old Hayden Panettiere in GQ Magazine Would Be:

"Wow, that's fucked up."

Yeah, But One's Way Cuter

Combined price of three key pieces from Rouland Mouret's new line, RM, featuring pockets large enough to store the contents of a one bedroom apartment: $6005

netaporter.com

Approximate monthly price of a 5'x15' unit from Public Storage, large enough to store the contents of a one bedroom apartment: $75

Don't Show-cha Your Chocha: Comeback Edition!

In the words of Stewie Griffin, "Victory is Mine!" Yes, I have finally triumphed over the evil, bloodsucking villain that is Comcast, and attained my own internet connection. Which means...Daddy Likey is back! For serious! Tell your friends!

I do believe that it has been waaaayyy too long since the last installment of Don't Show-cha Your Chocha, don't you?

One of my readers was confused as to why this classic Britney ensemble had yet to be featured on DSYC:

And now, so am I.

Jessica found this shot from a recent Jenni Kayne collection:

Looks like Jenni Kayne wanted to make this model work even harder during NY Fashion Week. Sit the girl in the teeny skirt in a chair.

Definition of Subtlety: See Below.

Says Kirsten: Holy jeebus! And to think this is from Armani.... It's like, hey, how can we make this any more crotch revealing? We'll add a slit in the middle! Brilliant!

Eritia found this little number while browsing Macy's:

Just be sure whatever event you wear it to is standing-room only.

Check out this gem:

Says Andrea: When I saw this picture, my first thought was, "My, yes indeed!"

Alyson sent me the following email: I am honoured to submit the attached picture of serial offender Sienna Miller to the DSYC catalogue of shame. Surely with all the fashion labels clamouring to "dress" her she could have scored a bit more material!

I totally concur. I would call it the cutest dress ever...problem is, that ain't no dress.

And finally, in honor of the concert (aka IMMINENT HIGHLIGHT OF MY LIFE) which I will be attending in approximately three weeks, a Spice Girls DSYC:

Says the brilliant Christine: Of course, the Union Jack dress! It's not even Don't Show-Cha Your Chocha because we're actually seeing her chocha here.

I've gots to get me one of these before December 9th. Anyone know where I should look?

Spoke too soon, damnit!

Well, Comcast screwed me over and I guess I actually won't have reliable internet until Sunday. I was more than a little upset by this and believe I actually used the phrase, "Do you know who you're talking to??" while on the phone with one of their technicians. This is especially bad news because my friend Alec is shivering in the cold right now, awaiting an official coat recommendation from me. COMCAST, IF ALEC LOSES HIS FINGERS IT'S ON YOUR CONSCIENCE!

I've been able to get teeny slices of internet at the library and so forth, so I'll try to get a couple more posts up this week, but if things are slow, you'll know why. And Alec, dear Alec, don't pull a Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic and freeze to death, leaving me no choice but to say, "I'll never let go, Alec," as I drop your frigid body into the Atlantic. (Sidenote: did it annoy anyone else that she says "I'll never let go" as she lets him go? I mean, I get the metaphor, but isn't that sort of like saying "I won't shoot you" as you pull the trigger? Harsh.)

Praying for internet and warm weather,
Winona

Blogback Mountain

Or: What I Missed During My Internet-less Week

Daddy Likey named to list of Top 100 Fashion Blogs!

Life goal: Stand on the roof in SF with Jennine. Look half as cute as her.

Damnit! I just went to the future and my outfit was totally sub-par. Well, I guess I'll know for next time...

I got to know Wendy Brandes because she kept leaving comments about my posts that were way funnier than the posts themselves. I checked out her site, and it turns out she's also gorgeous and talented. I would probably hate her, if I didn't want to be her BFF.

Send my friend Lydia good juju! NOW! (Your efforts might get her book published!)

For someone I've never met, Ambika knows me too well.

And finally, I'm so glad I got my internet back, because without it, I never would have known how much I needed an eco-friendly Bill Murray tote bag!

Text Message From My Friend Mike That Should Become a Classic Proverb

I love socks. I love flip flops. But you have permission to have me committed if I ever leave my home combining the two.

Aaaaaannnnnd We're Back!

After what seems an eternity (eternity=1 week) of living in the stone age, I'm finally back to suckling the sweet nectar of the internet. It couldn't have come sooner either--at dinner with my mom tonight, I was griping about all of the nagging/complaints/death threats that I've received from friends and readers over the past week, and instead of providing maternal comfort, she looked up from her plate and said, "Yeah, why no new posts? It's been too damn long!"

The plural pronoun in the title ain't no lie: I've brought the Five Men along for my big comeback. If you're a new reader, I'm referring to a regular feature called Five Men's Fashion First Impressions, and you should most definitely read their intro and get all caught up so you'll know what everyone's talking about around the water cooler tomorrow!

Anyway, Queen Marie wrote a hilarious post about the...umm...unique?...purses pictured below (priced at over $500 each), and requested the men's opinions. I'm not one to defy a Queen, so let's get crackin':


Brother, age 20: Wait...that's a shoe? Umm....(scowling)...I really don't like it.
Me: Why?
Brother, age 20: Well, I'm starting to like it.
Me: What? Why?
Brother, age 20: Cuz it would stand up when you set it down!
Me: Are you serious?
Brother, age 20: LOVE IT!

Brother, age 12: (Cocks head to the side, long pause) OK...Is it a shoe or a purse or a clam? Cuz I seriously can't tell.

Father: (Laughing) That's probably one of the dumber ideas I think I've ever seen. They have succeeded in making a sow out of a silk purse...(Notices price)...Five hundred dollars??
Me: Yep.
Father: I think it should be about twice that price.
Me: Why?
Father: Because then nobody would buy it.
[Editor's Note: Someday I'll sit my dad down and gently tell him that people buy $1,000 purses, but not today.]

Brother, age 18, grumpy as hell because I got him out of bed to do this: Bag trying to be a shoe? Or shoe that looks like a bag? Fuck it, I love America but this is too much. How many trees died for these? Hate life, so tired. No more of these please.

Boyfriend: Whoa. Wait. A shoe bag? Shoe. Bag. Hmm...Is it so women can put it down on the bathroom floor and not get grossed out?
[Editor's Note: This is when I said, "Holy shit! Is it?"]

Update #2

Hello Dahlings,

I've been a bit distracted lately because I've been moving into my new place! I would post some pictures but all they would show currently is a pile of clothes in the middle of my bedroom that nearly reaches the ceiling, and a broken papasan chair in the middle of an empty, white-walled living room. Not quite the height of home fashion and design. YET!

Speaking of YET!, I don't have reliable internet access YET!, so I'm typing this in the community computer lab as the man sitting next to me glares back and forth between the words Daddy Likey glowing on my screen and the notice on the wall that says "no 'adult' content material." In other news, why didn't I choose a cute little fashion-y name for my blog? Maybe Fashion Panda? God that would have been cool.

I received a slew of lovely emails over the weekend that I haven't had a chance to reply to because of this lack of internet, so if you were the author of one of them, swear you'll wait for me! Never let go! I'll get back to you soon!

Also, Alec, even if you find a coat you really like, DO NOT BUY IT. Within the next few days, so help me God, I will post my life-changing list of jacket recommendations. And if Lindsay forgot to tell you, you are dead to me.

Love and inappropriate public displays of affection,
Winona

Update That My Mom Sort of Didn't Want Me to Tell You

My seventeen-year-old brother (see the post below) is actually eighteen. I totally forgot he had a birthday a couple weeks ago. Jailbait no more!

My Extremely Modest Seventeen-Year-Old Brother Is Back

Since my brother's last guest post was such a hit, I've decided to bring him back on as a regular writer. Every couple weeks, I'll give him a new beauty product that he would never in a million years choose for himself (I believe his current routine goes something like: soap.), and convince him to write a review by buying him a burger and reminding him of the ego-boosting comments his last post received.

The other day I gave him some hair gel. Here's what he wrote about it:

Having downed two cups of coffee, I knew where my next stop was going to be. I entered the public restroom and picked a urinal spaced a healthy five feet from the obese man already painfully grunting over one. Having finished, I approached the sink, but to my left I caught a glimpse of a fire I thought had gone out. In the mirror I saw for the first time the full rich brown sugar hair that I'd always longed for. It was then that I rememberd the minty goo my sister had ordered I smear into my scalp the night before.

You're probably wondering why my second guest post is also my second hair product review. Well, the answer is simple: who better to test hair care products than someone with such beautiful curly locks? For even before I was my sister's guinea pig I was engaging in exchanges like the following:

Filipino Dental Hygienist: You have really nice hair.
Me: Thank you.
PDH: Thick like my husband's.
Me: (Uncomfortable laughter)

To conclude, "Avatar Men's Cream Care" or whatever the hell it was called is a must for anyone who wants richer, fuller hair.

[Editor's note: By "Avatar Men's Cream Care" he means "Aveda Men's Pure-formance Grooming Cream" (easy mistake, I know), available here.]

And here's a picture in case you were doubting:

The boy does have good hair.