Monday, May 21, 2007

DiorShow: Saving The Polar Bears

Beauty editors are not known for their subtlety.

I can't recall ever opening a magazine to the makeup section and reading about "mediocre" mascara or "adequate" foundation.

No, the beauty pages constitute a strange world where perfume smells like adjectives, where the perfect shade of blush could give Drew Carey cheekbones, and a swipe of gloss can double your lip size. I tend to read the beauty pages with the same mistrust and obtuse enjoyment as I do The Weekly World News--"Batboy found in cave!" "Chanel's $350 face cream is totally worth it!" See? Same deal.

So when I read, oh, I don't know, 20,000 reviews of Dior's new DiorShow mascara that said it was so perfect and lash-plumping that it had brought peace to the middle east, I was skeptical.
After all, these were the same people who promised Three Easy Steps to Charlize Theron's Skin, and that sure as hell didn't work. But I couldn't help but take notice of the DiorShow epidemic: It seemed that within a two-week time period, every beauty editor and makeup blogger on earth had become a passionate convert, a born-again big-lashed preacher singin' the praises of life-changing mascara.

So I bought it. And I tried it. And I decided that I want to be a beauty editor.

To put it simply: this stuff fuckin' rocks. To put it beauty editorly: This stuff could save the polar bears.

When I first bought a tube of my previously favorite mascara, MAC Fibre Rich (which I still recommend, by the way), the drag queen behind the counter told me, "the brush kind of looks like a cat chewed on it, but it works really well." He was right on both counts.

When I first opened my new tube of DiorShow, I found that the brush was as big as a cat. A large cat. Therefore, my first few applications ended up looking less like lush lashes and more like a poor attempt at blackface. After a few tries though, I was a pro, and I seriously stared at my new, big-lashed self in the mirror for twenty minutes, thinking, "My little blond lashes can look like this?? Where have you been all my life?"

Some of the reviews I read had included dire warnings, like,"Beware of using DiorShow during the day, because your lashes will be too dramatic. Stick with night-time use only." I guess they were going for a "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility" thing, but I've always felt that lashes could never be too dramatic. Still, I get a bit of a rebellious rush every morning when I put it on and watch my lashes expand to apparently unacceptable proportions.

"Gawd," I imagine my eyelashes saying, "I can just look at a tube of DiorShow and gain 10 pounds."

And when your mascara makes you think your eyelashes can make bad jokes, well, that's when you know it's really working.


Queen Michelle said...

I'm a bit of a mascara obsessive and I bought this stuff when it first came out as limited edition, about a year or two ago. I tried it but it basically ended up smudging over my eyes by the end of the day. I don't know about polar bears but I sure did look like it's Panda cousin! But I might buy a new tube and investigate it once more.

Anonymous said...

Your blog is hysterical. I'm sure it is informative, too, but I read it for the humor and your scathing liberal views. You do a great job!

Meg said...

Damn you, I just wrote a raving review of this stuff 2 days ago and was planning on posting it tomorrow, but you beat me to it! I'll still post it anyway, but I basically adore it just as much as you. So glad I finally got around to trying it.

Oh, and lashes definitely can be too dramatic... 3 words.. Tammy Faye Bakker.

Anonymous said...

I think I need to try this stuff, though I adore Benifit BadGal lash, which also has a super huge brush. I wonder if it is similar???

Henna said...

Mommanista, it's BETTER. The BadGal is good, this is great. I like this stuff too, but I agree, you have to be careful because it smudges.

Anonymous said...

personnally i love Fiber Wig. Magically it is somehow water resistant and yet washes off (no really no raccoon/panda eyes) whilst washing your face.

la petite fashionista said...

i actually recived a free sample of this for signing up to be in some dior club thing at teen vogue. it's pretty amazing i have to admit! i have short eyelashes & it really ampliflies.

maya said...

i wish my eyelashes told jokes. they could have a little comedy show and everything.

christine said...

I really like this mascara you, I just read TOO many good reviews and bought my first tube a couple months ago. It made my lashes really full and soft, but I found that the tube dried out super fast. It seems that it only lasted about a month before it was hard to use. Oh well, I'll probably buy it again!

Mummerina said...

DiorShow is THE shit (coming from a non beauty editors point of view!!!)
I will never go back to another mascara.

Susan B said...

I've been a DiorShow mascara convert for several months now. It really beats every other mascara I've tried hands down.

The Shopping Nerd said...

I gotta try this! I have the puniest little lashes...loved this post ;).

Robin said...

I'll have to try this out, too, after I finish making my painful way through tubes of two step white and black gunk.

daddylikeyblog said...

I totally preblogged you! That happens to me all the time, so I know your pain. Post yours too and we'll see who was more dramatic in their raving--it will be a delightful little contest!
And you're right. I spoke too soon about the whole "eyelashes can't be too dramatic" thing. Those three words haunt my dreams.

Michele said...

Agreed - this is by far the best mascara on earth!

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Unknown said...

Mmm..I dunno..I'm pretty satisfied with my Cover Girl Lash Blast...will this be as good? I'll hafta try now.

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