Monday, May 21, 2007

DiorShow: Saving The Polar Bears

Beauty editors are not known for their subtlety.

I can't recall ever opening a magazine to the makeup section and reading about "mediocre" mascara or "adequate" foundation.

No, the beauty pages constitute a strange world where perfume smells like adjectives, where the perfect shade of blush could give Drew Carey cheekbones, and a swipe of gloss can double your lip size. I tend to read the beauty pages with the same mistrust and obtuse enjoyment as I do The Weekly World News--"Batboy found in cave!" "Chanel's $350 face cream is totally worth it!" See? Same deal.

So when I read, oh, I don't know, 20,000 reviews of Dior's new DiorShow mascara that said it was so perfect and lash-plumping that it had brought peace to the middle east, I was skeptical.
After all, these were the same people who promised Three Easy Steps to Charlize Theron's Skin, and that sure as hell didn't work. But I couldn't help but take notice of the DiorShow epidemic: It seemed that within a two-week time period, every beauty editor and makeup blogger on earth had become a passionate convert, a born-again big-lashed preacher singin' the praises of life-changing mascara.

So I bought it. And I tried it. And I decided that I want to be a beauty editor.


To put it simply: this stuff fuckin' rocks. To put it beauty editorly: This stuff could save the polar bears.

When I first bought a tube of my previously favorite mascara, MAC Fibre Rich (which I still recommend, by the way), the drag queen behind the counter told me, "the brush kind of looks like a cat chewed on it, but it works really well." He was right on both counts.

When I first opened my new tube of DiorShow, I found that the brush was as big as a cat. A large cat. Therefore, my first few applications ended up looking less like lush lashes and more like a poor attempt at blackface. After a few tries though, I was a pro, and I seriously stared at my new, big-lashed self in the mirror for twenty minutes, thinking, "My little blond lashes can look like this?? Where have you been all my life?"

Some of the reviews I read had included dire warnings, like,"Beware of using DiorShow during the day, because your lashes will be too dramatic. Stick with night-time use only." I guess they were going for a "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility" thing, but I've always felt that lashes could never be too dramatic. Still, I get a bit of a rebellious rush every morning when I put it on and watch my lashes expand to apparently unacceptable proportions.

"Gawd," I imagine my eyelashes saying, "I can just look at a tube of DiorShow and gain 10 pounds."

And when your mascara makes you think your eyelashes can make bad jokes, well, that's when you know it's really working.

16 comments:

Queen Michelle said...

I'm a bit of a mascara obsessive and I bought this stuff when it first came out as limited edition, about a year or two ago. I tried it but it basically ended up smudging over my eyes by the end of the day. I don't know about polar bears but I sure did look like it's Panda cousin! But I might buy a new tube and investigate it once more.

Anonymous said...

Your blog is hysterical. I'm sure it is informative, too, but I read it for the humor and your scathing liberal views. You do a great job!

Meg said...

Damn you, I just wrote a raving review of this stuff 2 days ago and was planning on posting it tomorrow, but you beat me to it! I'll still post it anyway, but I basically adore it just as much as you. So glad I finally got around to trying it.

Oh, and lashes definitely can be too dramatic... 3 words.. Tammy Faye Bakker.

Anonymous said...

I think I need to try this stuff, though I adore Benifit BadGal lash, which also has a super huge brush. I wonder if it is similar???

Henna said...

Mommanista, it's BETTER. The BadGal is good, this is great. I like this stuff too, but I agree, you have to be careful because it smudges.

Anonymous said...

personnally i love Fiber Wig. Magically it is somehow water resistant and yet washes off (no really no raccoon/panda eyes) whilst washing your face.

la petite fashionista said...

i actually recived a free sample of this for signing up to be in some dior club thing at teen vogue. it's pretty amazing i have to admit! i have short eyelashes & it really ampliflies.

maya said...

i wish my eyelashes told jokes. they could have a little comedy show and everything.

christine said...

I really like this mascara too...like you, I just read TOO many good reviews and bought my first tube a couple months ago. It made my lashes really full and soft, but I found that the tube dried out super fast. It seems that it only lasted about a month before it was hard to use. Oh well, I'll probably buy it again!

Mummerina said...

DiorShow is THE shit (coming from a non beauty editors point of view!!!)
I will never go back to another mascara.

Susan B said...

I've been a DiorShow mascara convert for several months now. It really beats every other mascara I've tried hands down.

The Shopping Nerd said...

I gotta try this! I have the puniest little lashes...loved this post ;).

Robin said...

I'll have to try this out, too, after I finish making my painful way through tubes of two step white and black gunk.

daddylikeyblog said...

Meg--
I totally preblogged you! That happens to me all the time, so I know your pain. Post yours too and we'll see who was more dramatic in their raving--it will be a delightful little contest!
And you're right. I spoke too soon about the whole "eyelashes can't be too dramatic" thing. Those three words haunt my dreams.

Michele said...

Agreed - this is by far the best mascara on earth!

Unknown said...

Mmm..I dunno..I'm pretty satisfied with my Cover Girl Lash Blast...will this be as good? I'll hafta try now.

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