Wednesday, September 03, 2008

An Imagined Conversation Between Myself and This Model Wearing J. Crew's $98 "Jersey-Knit Pants"

Me: Hey, girl!

Model: Hey!

Me: about this weather?

Model: Too hot for my tastes, frankly!

Me: Ha! Me too. Whaddya know? We have the same taste in weather!

Model: Serendipity!

Me: Did you ever see that movie? Serendipity?

Model: Shut up! That is my favorite movie!

Me: Wait, really? Really?

Model: Yes! You didn't like it?

Me: I never saw it. Kate Beckinsale's character was so damn smug in the preview that I refused to see it and I've held a grudge ever since.

Model: Wow, that movie came out, like, eight years ago.

Me: I know. Holding grudges is one of my greatest talents in life. That, and making marinara sauce. I like your shoes.

Model: Thanks! I was going for an Audrey Hepburn vibe with the pearls and these jersey-knit pants.

Me: Leggings.

Model: What?

Me: Leggings. Those pants. They're leggings.

Model: No, silly, they're
jersey-knit pants.

Me: They're stretchy black pants, otherwise known as leggings.

Model: No, no, no, see, they have a zipper in the back, so they're pants.

Me: Lindsay Lohan designed some leggings with a zipper in the back. She also designed some with kneepads in the front and called them something really gross like, "blowjob leggings." Note the word "leggings."

Model: These jersey-knit pants are certainly not leggings!

Me: Look, I love me some leggings. I'm not judging. You're rockin' 'em. I just want you to own it, sister!

Model: They're not leggings!

Me: They surely are.

Model: But I paid $100 for them!


Model: Yes.

Me: Let's go with jersey-knit pants.

p.s. Thanks Julie!


Anonymous said...

Hahahaha so funny!

WendyB said...

You have to stop picking fights with models.

Elizabeth said...

I'm so glad you won that argument.

Anonymous social worker said...

Omg that's so funny seriously, you are going on my fav. list mrs. ..or Ms.

Anonymous said...

All this time, I've never had a hero listed in the hero section on my Myspace page. Because of your "blow job leggings" comment, I am immediately going to put WINONA in that section.

Shannon said...

The fact that this could have been a very real conversation is just scary..

As is the fact that people will actually be paying $100 for leggings...

Pip said...

Do you know why she is bending her leg like that? It's to cover up the inevitable camel toe that not even $100 can fix.

Also, I the other day I saw a girl wearing no pants. Just a top. Oh and beige transparent pantyhose. NO PANTS.

Then she bent over to get into a taxi.

I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

Kim said...

Brillz, as usual.

Loren said...

Really? How do you make your marinara sauce?

Anonymous said...

Well done, spade-caller. Ain't no way those are pants.

Anonymous said...

I sat through Serendipity entirely because a very good friend watches nothing but romantic comedies. And Ultimate Fighting. It was *awful* so take comfort in the fact that your grudge is justified.

TheSundayBest said...

I can't tell if blowjob leggings is classier than the actual "Mr. President" leggings...which cost $32 more than these "pants."

The person in the cubicle over just asked me to share, and I told him he wouldn't get it. I am a laughter horder.

Anonymous said...

I am guilty of paying a fair bit for leggings... and also $100 isn't really a lot of money when turned back into pounds.... ah...topsy turvy economy...

LallaLydia said...

Did she hold that pose the entire time you guys were having said conversation? Or do those $100 include a doll stand that attaches to the zipper so wearers can hold a flamingo pose?

Bex said...

hehehhe 100 bucks for leggins is a bit much, innit?

Kelly said...

necklace: good
shoes: good
leggings: meh
turtleneck: what the hell is going on? how does that go with anything else? she looks like she's laying around the house sick in that combination!

a said...

to elaborate on susie bubble's comment, while $100 isn't much in british pounds... it's still a lot to pay for leggings- i mean jersey knit pants.

also i'm pretty sure this is low down on your priorities list (which i dont blame you for, i'm just trying painstakingly hard to get back into the blogging loop. sigh..), but i'm the resurrected lipstick lady, with a new blog (WHY WILL I NOT STOP MAKING NEW BLOGS??). if it interests you at all, just stop by and check it out :)

Bekah said...

aww, I loved serendipity! you should really give it a try..john cusack makes it worth while.
that is one stubborn model though
I guess zoolander did have an idea about models being brainwashed!

Katy said...

$100 isn't a lot for totally fabulous and unique designer leggings you'll wear a lot (sort of) but for J. Crew plain black leggings with a zip you can't even see in the picture? RIP-OFF!!!! LNA makes some super cool $100 zipper leggings that come in some neat colors, but still. You can find four colors on absolutely super-fantastic sale for $70 at Shopbop! Woo! Yay!

Anonymous said...

I boycott shopbop strictly because of the Don't Show-cha Your Chocha segments.

Wait. Shopbop sells SEVENTY DOLLAR LEGGINGS?! Why the HELL aren't they putting their models in them?!

Honestly. That would solve the Chocha issue.

But then where would we get fodder for that segment...


Skye said...

Have you seen Sass & Bide "Black Rats Pants"? Those cost $150 and are not just leggings, but shiny ruched leggings which make everyone's legs look wide, wrinkly and wrong.

Poochie said...

Kate Beckinsale is a smug bi-otch!

I totally agree on all accounts.


Isabel said...

"Jersey-knit pants"??? What is this world coming to?

Anthea said...

hahahahah awesome post. There are a lot of girls who wear leggings without a longer top. EEK! Definitely shows everything and not in a good way.

Anonymous said...

Haha, that's great!

I don't think I'd ever spend more than $10 on leggings!

Annie Spandex said...


& Blowjob Leggings. Really? Wow...

Anonymous said...

There is nothing better than a lovely laugh that makes everyone around you wonder what could be so funny! Thanks for brighting my overcast Saturday.


the assistant said...

funny per usual i need some of your talents!!

Pret a Porter P said...

blowjob leggings! sad, but so true...
i think they were called monica's or mr. president or something.... it disgusts me that i know that

hollarback said...

Funny :)

I have it on good authority that Kate Beckinsale is a big meanie and very smug, so hey, good call - and having sat through Serendipity - blech- you made the right choice.

Sharon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sharon said...

I heart you.

Those look like footless tights, if you ask me.

Sara Darling said...

You made the right choice with Serendipity. I watched it for John Cusack... ahhhh... but back to the movie. It's like they took the bit from "An Affair to Remember" (or one of the many movies that use the theme) where the separated lovers go to meet at the Empire State Building... and stretched it out for an hour and a half. It was painful. One very quickly begins to hope that one or both of the characters gets hit by a taxi. Perhaps with backing up and repeating a few times. Why watch Serendipity when you can watch Say Anything, or Grosse Pointe Blank, or Better Off Dead, or....

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