As you surely know by now, Jerry Falwell died today. This is probably the saddest day in the history of America. No, you know what? I see your sarcastic hyperbole and raise you one--this is, without a doubt, the saddest day in the history of the world.
Since I'm sure hell has free wireless internet, and the Jer-Bear is no doubt surfing the blogosphere right now, I thought it would be nice to pay a proper sartorial tribute to the greatest man this world will ever know.
I'll just let him do most of the talking:
"It appears that America's anti-Biblical feminist movement is at last dying, thank God, and is possibly being replaced by a Christ-centered men's movement which may become the foundation for a desperately needed national spiritual awakening."
If I know my Jer-Bear, I know he would think this was just adorable. $20, here.
"I listen to feminists and all these radical gals--most of them are failures. They've blown it. These women just need a man in the house. That's all they need. Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home."
While you're at it, why not throw one in for that special guy in your life--you know, the one who tells you what time it is and leads you home. Unisex tee, $20, same place.
"AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals."
Pride commitment ring, $165, here.
"He is purple--the gay pride color--and his antenna is shaped like a triangle--the gay pride symbol." (In reference to Tinky Winky, the most Satanic of the Teletubbies)
I think this purple, triangle clutch would be a really nice way to honor Mr. Falwell, don't you?
Inge Christopher, $143, zappos.com
"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being."
I think this is probably the coolest bag ever made. And only partly because I just had my brother make it on Cafepress. Available for $14.99 here. (FYI--My bro will get like a dollar of that so it's totally going to a good cause.)
And finally, our man of the hour's thoughts on September 11th:
"Throwing God out successfully with the help of the federal court system, throwing God out of the public square, out of the schools...The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way--all of them who have tried to secularize America--I point the finger in their face and say "You helped this happen."
So, I thought it would be a really nice way to honor the Jer-Bear if anyone who had a part in causing September 11th (and according to this quote, that would be, like, everyone except him) left a little apology in the comments section. It's the least we can do for the poor guy. I mean, eternal suffering's gotta suck.