Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Sinfully Chic: A Sartorial Tribute to Jerry "Jer-Bear" Falwell

As you surely know by now, Jerry Falwell died today. This is probably the saddest day in the history of America. No, you know what? I see your sarcastic hyperbole and raise you one--this is, without a doubt, the saddest day in the history of the world.

Since I'm sure hell has free wireless internet, and the Jer-Bear is no doubt surfing the blogosphere right now, I thought it would be nice to pay a proper sartorial tribute to the greatest man this world will ever know.

I'll just let him do most of the talking:

"It appears that America's anti-Biblical feminist movement is at last dying, thank God, and is possibly being replaced by a Christ-centered men's movement which may become the foundation for a desperately needed national spiritual awakening."

If I know my Jer-Bear, I know he would think this was just adorable. $20, here.

"I listen to feminists and all these radical gals--most of them are failures. They've blown it. These women just need a man in the house. That's all they need. Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home."

While you're at it, why not throw one in for that special guy in your life--you know, the one who tells you what time it is and leads you home. Unisex tee, $20, same place.

"AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals."

Pride commitment ring, $165, here.

"He is purple--the gay pride color--and his antenna is shaped like a triangle--the gay pride symbol." (In reference to Tinky Winky, the most Satanic of the Teletubbies)

I think this purple, triangle clutch would be a really nice way to honor Mr. Falwell, don't you?
Inge Christopher, $143, zappos.com

"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being."

I think this is probably the coolest bag ever made. And only partly because I just had my brother make it on Cafepress. Available for $14.99 here. (FYI--My bro will get like a dollar of that so it's totally going to a good cause.)

And finally, our man of the hour's thoughts on September 11th:

"Throwing God out successfully with the help of the federal court system, throwing God out of the public square, out of the schools...The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way--all of them who have tried to secularize America--I point the finger in their face and say "You helped this happen."

So, I thought it would be a really nice way to honor the Jer-Bear if anyone who had a part in causing September 11th (and according to this quote, that would be, like, everyone except him) left a little apology in the comments section. It's the least we can do for the poor guy. I mean, eternal suffering's gotta suck.


daddylikeyblog said...

I'll start things off.
Dear Jer-Bear,
I'm really sorry that in standing up for my rights as a human being I inadvertently caused a group of terrorists from the middle east to carry out the most horrific attack in the history of our country. I understand that it was totally my fault for, like, being a woman and voting and stuff, so yeah, sorry about that.

Anonymous said...

Im really sorry too.
I won't cause 9/11 again.


Nick said...

Dear Jer-Bear,
I just wanted to apologize for letting my girlfriend (Ms. Daddylikey) have her own blog. Free speech is just something that a woman shouldn't have. Now if you'll excuse me I am going to "lead" her into the church for a good bible study/lesson on why she and millions of other women caused September 11th. R.I.H, Jer-Bear.

Joei said...

Are you there Jer-Bear? It's me, Joei.

The important thing to remember is that I helped. I'm sure you'll always remember. I mean I'm sure you'll never forget.

Wouldn't it be ironic if your life were a giant game of Opposite Day? I guess it'd be called Opposite Life. You worshiped evil, fueled your anti-causes, like feminism and homosexuality, and enjoyed feminists who blow it.

Did you get that joke? Cause see you said that feminists have blown it...Oh, never mind, it's probably over your ethereal head.

Whenever I was angry with someone I used to sign them up for your newsletter. Now what am I going to do, pray? I can't Jer, I left my prayers in your folded hands. It's not the same when you aren't doing it for me.

Look, just in case you were a major player in the opposite game could you put in a word with the gate keeper over where you're staying? I just don't think I'm worthy.

You're in my prayers. Mostly because you're still praying for yourself. Keep it up, but keep it down. I'm trying to sleep.


P.S. You're the baby daddy.

Queen Michelle said...

Dear Jer
I have never heard of you. But you sound like a wanker. God's gonna be real mad at YOU because as Jesus says to Pharisees:
"The kingdom of God cometh not with observation: Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you."
And Jer, what's within you is far too dark to be God's Kingdom. Nope, you're going south my friend. I hope you packed sunblock and loose clothing.


Fashion Chick NYC said...

Dear Jer-Ber,

I hope in heaven you will be able to find peace with your suppressed homosexuality and learn to stay out of my uterus.


Anonymous said...

Dear Jer,

Could it be that money grubbing religious "leaders" like you fueled the decline of belief in God? How many millions did you take with you?

The Barb said...

Dear Jer-Bear,

I am sincerely sorry for my involvement in the fight for equal rights. A crazy lesbian feminist helped e to realize that any oppression is a threat to everyone, except aybe people like you. I am sorry that my love for the gays and my uterus have upset so. I guess I'll just go find a an to help me figure out what time it is, because I am not sure.

Lana said...

Awesome blog!

Check out my summer fashions at my blog!



ashley churchill said...

you know, this is exactly the post i needed and exactly what i would have written today, were my blog mine and not a company's. good work, funny lady.

Annie said...

Dear Jer:

I felt guilty last November when I had to work late (not being supported by a man and all,) and missed my chance to vote.

I realize now that I have nothing to feel guilty about - that I really shouldn't bother to express my right so hard-won by all of those educated, free-thinking women who got the 19th Amendment to pass so long ago. Damn them and their wicked suffragist ways!

I also realize that I shouldn't feel sorry for all of my homosexual friends who cannot acknowledge their love for each other with a legal marriage in our society - that they are, in fact, lesser humans with whom I should no longer associate. I'll try to do better Jer.

My personal motto USED to be "come all ye repenters and let us bring a little sin into your lives..." but I realize that this is cheeky and disrespectful. Again, I'll do better - I'll begin by wearing longer skirts and lace collars, I know you prefer that look.

I'm sorry for all I've done wrong. I blame my education, my intellect, my West Coast liberalism, being Catholic, and of course my parents.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry my paganism destroyed the world Jerry. I don't have the right to live, nor to enjoy the world. Sorry I caused all that cancer by making love to other women. Say hello to my dad, he will be the one holding the pitchfork and punishing the "sinners."

the lipstick lady said...

thanks to winona, I realise it's my duty to step up and say sorry for all these bad, bad things I've done like... associated with the gay and lesbian community and... having, what are they called again? ah yes.
love as always

Cate said...

dear jerry,

i'm most sorry that you died without ever coming to appreciate the beautiful chaos that is the diversity that God has given us as a world. I believe that God is a merciful God, and that your judgment will be just, but I am mindful of the exhortation, "Judge not, lest thou be judged," and I truly do have your soul in my prayers.

It is a testament, ladies and gentlemen here, to the progress we have made as women with such vocal opposition.

Love the blog,
xoxo onesong

dusk&summer said...

Dear Jerrykins,

I'm sure there IS a t.v in hell, i'm hoping it plays continuous footage of women VOTING and of prominant FEMALE leaders changing the world for the BETTER (something you never did)

A*my said...

im sorry that i was born female. peace out.

side note: does that site selling your bro's tote do international shipping? coolest bag ever

Christina and Emily said...

Dear Jerry,

I'd never heard of you until Perez Hilton said you died, and that you were "a big fan of the gays." I was a little sad, not realizing this was a joke. I hope many people had the same misconception, and perhaps continue to remember you as a champion of gay rights. I think that you, too, would appreciate the irony of this.


Jeda21 said...

Do you think God is going to throw all those 10,000 virgins that the 9/11 guys didn't get?
Yikes, I knew he was controversial, but I had no idea what a nasty fellow he could be. Thank you for enlightening me.
Keep up the great work! Love ur blog. :o)
- J

~M~ said...


My bad.


Anonymous said...

Wow, your cute-factor just dropped to a -9. Bummer.

Have a lovely, vacuous life.

Krista said...

Wow, what a very rude comment someone left above me. I think you are fabulous, witty and brilliant and anything but vacuous. Maybe that person is Jer-Bear's himself! (Or just a long-lost twin) :)

Stefanie said...

Jerry honey,
So sorry that your cold heart is what killed you. In memory of you, I wore a minksirt today (to show my legs off for Jesus) and I also bought a new pair of heels. This is what a feminist looks like.

Stefanie said...

*miniskirt* not a mink.

Anonymous said...

"I think you are fabulous, witty and brilliant and anything but vacuous."

If she believes bullshit like that she'll remain vacuous:)

Annie said...

Hey anonymous - you're awesome!

You are SO right, witty people are so vacuous. But I've always thought that it's better to laugh at the silly things than indulge in denial. I also like to think it's better to stand up with an opinion - even one with a "cute factor of a -9" - than to be a complete nobody with a name of "anonymous"...

Oh wait! That ISN'T you name actually, is it? Well, that's good to know. Here I thought you'd be left in total obscurity with your incredibly well-informed, well-read, and impressionable opinions.

It's nice to know that someone with anonymous comments is going to be the one to save all of us from vacuous, pig-headed myopia.

Thanks so much for the enlightenment! I already feel like a better person...thanks for being so full of self-effacing humor - I'm laughing!

Anonymous said...

I have an opinion, you just don't like it. *shrug*

Only Jerry Falwell bashers are well-informed and well-read? Interesting.

Guess that's obvious only to you special people who bother to register with blogger.com

That's what I love about you pro-abortion/pro-gay/anti-Christian peeps, so open-minded and welcoming to all POV's. And folks like you call Christians sheep. lol

William said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Annie said...

I love how folks with zero backbone call their pithy remarks "opinions" that other people just "don't like."

No, I'd just be more apt to listen to your opinion if you could prove your point, or actually believed in it enough to back it up with your own name. Perhaps a nom de plume? (That's French for "pen name" by the way...but I'm sure you knew that.)

Personally, I don't find that being Christian and being pro-gay are mutually exclusive. But that's probably the purview more commonly found in the "blue states," so you'll have to forgive me if you don't live near an ocean. Being such a strong Christian, I'm sure you know how to forgive...just follow Jerry Falwell's example.

When did the sheep come into the picture? BAAAAH!

Queen Michelle said...

Lady W you are now officially famous and doing a great job - you have randomly annoying people tell you you suck! It's a sure sign of envy. They hate the fact that their personalities and opinions aren't making a difference in they way yours does. Take it as a compliment.
Oh and "anonymous", surely if a person's only attribute is being "cute" then that is much more vacuous than having, I dunno say, intelligent and well-informed opinions for example?
And please don't forget - you're the one reading a fashion blog...go figure.

applediva said...

I want to apologize for showing off my legs for Jesus. If I had know Al Q. was watching, I would not have done. Please find it in your to heart forgive...

applediva said...

I want to apologize for showing off my legs for Jesus. If I had known Al Q. was watching, I would not have done it. Please find it in your to heart forgive...

I was so contrite that I missed a few letters here and there...mostly here!

Emma said...

Dear Jer-Bear...
I know there's no way I can make up my sins.
So how about I just cut off my uterus and mail it to you?

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