Wednesday, February 20, 2008

It's like 10,000 totes when all you need is a satchel.

Dear Winona,

I'm looking for a
purse, you see. And I have a very good idea of what I want it to look like. Behold the magnificence:

Dooney & Bourke Medium Logo Satchel, $395, Macy's.

I love the shape of it, the color, the two rounded handles, the little buckles on the sides, the hook clasp. Everything but the price, in fact, which as a college student is drastically impossible. Also, the dimensions given are huuuuuge, but the bag looks normal-sized. Although they don't have a picture of it with someone, so my sense of scale and perspective is probably off.

So I was wondering if you had any advice on finding a bag with that sort of shape and design for maybe 50 dollars, rather than 400.

Anything you can tell me would be great--I know this purse search is likely to be long and strenuous.

Bag(less) Lady

P.S. When the hell did Macy's get so expensive? Last time I checked they were not that high-end. How disappointing!

Dear Bag(less),

First of all, I totally feel you on that last point. I think I have uttered the phrase "When the hell did Macy's get so expensive??" approximately six-hundred times, most often when I lift one of their garments off the shelf and the fabric disintegrates in my fingers until I'm left clutching a few sad threads of polyester and a pricetag for $119.

But anyway, let's get to it! I searched high and low for you, darling, and, ironically, the best option I found was at...Macy's!

GUESS Portofino Satchel, on sale for $71,

OK, before I rave about this purse, I have to tell you a little story about irony because I just remembered it and I want to tell someone but my boyfriend's asleep: Sophomore year of high school, our English teacher was trying to teach the class the definition of irony. My brilliant peers were totally not getting it (I believe someone actually said, "Does it have anything to do with iron?"), and the teacher was getting exasperated. People started talking about other stuff and passing notes and just as the teacher was about to issue a class-wide detention, we heard a quiet but confident voice emanating from the front row: "It's like rain on your wedding day."

Everyone stopped talking and turned to stare at this unlikely prophet. It was Danny, a slouchy skater who rarely spoke about anything except the time he shaved his balls. He was staring at the floor.

Our teacher bounded over to his desk. "Yes, Danny?" She coaxed him, "Go on."

He paused, squinting in deep thought. "It's a free ride...When you've already paid. It's the good advice...that you just can't take."

A few people in the class (including myself and my friend Rachel) started laughing, but our teacher's eyes lit up in ignorant bliss. "Exactly, Danny!" She cried, "You've got it!"

Danny's eyes were still fixed on the linoleum. "It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife," he said, and then he looked up at the teacher. "Isn't it ironic?"

"Yes, Danny," our teacher said, slightly confused now, "It is."

Anyway, cute bag, right?

Here are a few other similar bags that you may like (cuz I sure do):

SR Squared by Sondra Roberts Canvas Ring Satchel, $95,

Nine West Reio Satchel, $65,

Tommy Hilfiger Vermont Dome Satchel, $79,

a.n.a. leather pickstitch hobo (also in black), $59,

Best of luck in your quest, dear Bag(less). Here's hoping you won't find 10,000 totes when all you need is a satchel.


Duana said...

There's an Irish comedian called Ed Byrne who does a brilliant analysis of the Ironic song, showing how all the examples in it are in fact just unfortunate rather than ironic. For example, "a traffic jam when you're already late" is just unlucky, unless you are a town planner late for a meeting about traffic management! The song is still a good example of irony though because, as he says, it's a song called Ironic written by a woman who doesn't know what irony is :-)
You can watch him doing it here, but be warned there are rude words,

Anonymous said...

Wilson's Leather (not sure if that is a national chain) had a very similar purse to the original request, for under $100. And sometimes they have EXCELLENT sales.

WendyB said...

Ha ha! Great story. I was recently re-watching School of you remember when Jack Black quotes a Whitney Houston song and denies that it's a song?

Krista Donoven said...

Hahaha. Oh Danny...I had kinda forgotten about him until you mentioned him in this post. I'm trying to recall if I was in that class too. No matter, loved the anecdote!

I also really love the last purse; surprising that it is from jcp!

LallaLydia said...

Hillarious. Leave it to the skater to be the witties guy in class...That story is good on SO many levels. That first bag is indeed a little slice of perfection pie, but tell us dear sybil, WHO makes it? (like...Hermes?) Is it that bag recently featured on a Go Fug Yourself post with Scary Kat(ie Holmes) that was like twice her size and about to swallow her like a venus flytrap?

daddylikeyblog said...

Hahahaha I think I've heard of that routine but I'm definitely gonna listen to it now!

Yes, I've remained obsessed with Danny ever since that class! (The ball shaving story--did you hear that one?). And about that last bag, yeah, I went to the JCP website as sort of a joke, but then I saw that bag and shit got real--I love it!

That first bag is a Dooney & Bourke, so it's around $400, instead of $400,000 or whatever for an Hermes--practically a steal, now that I look at it that way! Also, will you please do a post about dangerous venus flytrap purses?

Bekahhh! said...

hahahha omggggg
I think I want to marry danny
quoting alanis morisette or however you spell her name
that's soo funny

I find that aldo and h&m have really cute bags....I have one from h&m that I LOVE..and they're all about 30-40 bucks

Joanna Goddard said...

love that last one, can't believe it's so cheap!

Bodilicious said...

I remember my 7th grade physics teacher trying to teach us about gravity. "what goes up must come down". He threw a tennis ball in the air, and it got stuck on a lamp!! That's a classic, and we will never forget how gravity works!!

Yes, the last purse is nothing but gorgeous!!

RachelP said...

Oh god, I remember that class vividly. Poor Mrs. Hundley's skiing accident may acount for quite a few of her confused looks our sophomore year.

lisa said...

She could also try It's a visual search engine and therefore SUPER-awesome for finding bags when you know what you want.

la petite fashionista said...

hahahah I love the ironic story, thats hillarious. My english teacher actually told us that the song is a poor definition of irony bc those things are all just coincidences and not a true definition of irony.

I guess it would be ironic that your English teacher doesnt know the definition of Irony?



Anonymous said...

Don't forget TJMaxx or Ross. The TJ near me has an amazing selection and variety of really good bags. D&B , Coach, Ann Klein, Kenneth Cole, Kate Spade, Cynthia Rowley

Prêt-à-Porter P said...

did that really happen? did that boy really quote alanis, which was THE song back in the day... cuz that story is entirely TOO awesome!!

Allie said...

Love, love, love the blog! I linked you on my new site,!!

Lady Language said...

That is soooo ironic and I promise I am not copying but my Q&A for tomorrow is about purses. WTF? Maybe I should just send 'em your way??

jozette said...

Hi! I just found your blog today thanks to Google Readers recommendation and I'm devouring it! That orange bag is to die for - and...what girl doesn't need an orange bag? I do! Now I have to go find one...

Ms. Aja B. said...

I can't even tell you how I came across your blog, but I LOVE IT! Everyone thinks I am crazy because I have a love for bags. So to find someone even more dedicated than me?

*happy sigh*

I'm bookmarking your page now!

Peace & Love,

MizzJ said...

haha you need to find that boy and update us with a "Where is He Now" feature! Someone that clever should be having an interesting life?

Amanda said...

OH. MY. GOD. I know I'm like, a year late. But I'm reading your archives because I have no life (also because I LOVE you), and I need to tell you: that orange Sondra Roberts purse just made me so excited I think I may have peed a little.

Ok but let me explain, I don't really carry leather purses that often, and I don't really do things with clasps in the front. But everything about that purse is perfect and I think I need it.

Unfortunately, I don't have the budget for it, but I think you still just made my day. No, possibly my year.

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