Wednesday, April 02, 2008

It's Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey!

It's time for another installment of Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey, the popular feature in which I thoughtfully respond to a selection of the Google searches that led people to my blog. Sometimes this involves writing haikus about chlamydia, which happens to be my favorite pastime.

If you would like a slightly more descriptive explanation, click here, and if not, read on (google searches in bold italics; my response below).


Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey!

what are the major desserts in somalia
I've heard they love a good tiramisu.


i wear riding boots and breeches and want to get married
As far as I know, people who wear riding boots and breeches find love and get married all the time, so don't lose hope! And never change yourself for a man! Just find one who's into riding boots and breeches too, and you should be fine.

test for real pashmina
Ask the pashmina to spell "pashmina." The fake ones freeze up--they can never do it!

can goodwill store charge high prices?
I wish it wasn't so, but it is.

earwig diagram

Oh my! Sorry you missed it! Here you go:


mary kay scrub gives you aids

Yeah, I heard that too.

"austin powers catchphrases"

So, I have a spot of bad news for you. Hmm... How do I say this... Well, Austin Powers
catchphrases aren't quite "in" anymore. Actually, I don't know if anything's ever been more out. Maaaaaayybbee "Somebody stop me!" from The Mask, but, actually, no, even that still has its charms. Would you like to know some more current popular catchphrases instead? Try these:

"Don't tase me, bro!"
"Your mom goes to college."
"Honest to blog!"
"I drink your milkshake."
"Sexy time!"
"I'm fucking Matt Damon."


brought my camera to spice girls concert
Do you really need to rub it in? Jesus.


"kate moss" "short legs"

You are severely mistaken.


does sharon stone have nice eyebrows

I would say so, yeah.

is there life after passion parties?
Life has been pretty dismal after mine, actually.

god please hear my need. what is a good persuasive essay?
Wow have I been there, although my lack of religious education left me ignorant to this whole God-is-in-the-Google thing. But just in case you're wrong, and my 9th grade English teacher is really God, here's her advice.


you so hot global warming is jealous of you

If a man ever says this to me, I will leave my boyfriend for him.


i need cocaine in seattle.
Did this work out for you? Because this is totally how I would go about scoring drugs, too. Seriously, I'd be the worst druggie ever, sheepishly asking Google things like, "So, does one eat meth, or no?" and "Better Business Bureau Portland-area top weed sellers."

penis hanging out of shorts + mother in law
Wow. Talk about awkward. For both parties.


a haiku for balenciaga

Intriguing concept,
But what happens when she sits?
Chocha is show-chaed.

rhyme about fake tan

Jeez, I'm workin' overtime on the poetry here. How's this?

Fake tans can be so lovely--
Just a subtle, golden glow,
But when you overdo it
You look like a crazy ho.

27 comments:

becky said...

oh my god im cracking up!

dressedandpressed said...

Winona, you crazy! And also, the fake tan poem? Laughed so hard my cornflakes came out of my nose. So, uh, thanks.

bekahhh said...

AHAHAHA ohhhh my dear gawwd winona
I think I'd be the same with drugs
and that fake tan glow is my new motto...can it be a motto? whatever..
and I'd respond for every single answer to google, buut you'd probably spear me or something
I've missed inadvertently ask daddy likey!
ps...I just realized I normally add like ten too many h's to the end of my name..sorry about that

Lady Language said...

ROFL! Your sense of humor never ceases to amaze me - Love it!

WendyB said...

A++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Isabel said...

"That dress looks like an indian lampshade" -Rob

brainwash said...

Hello Winona ~ just dropping you a note (finally) to mention how much I enjoy your blog. Your writing makes me giggle all the time, and I love your sense of humor. I believe my favorite feature is "Don't show-cha yer chocha" ~ pure genius as there are so many chocha-showing "outfits" in high fashion. I love how you don't take yourself too seriously and even though the blog includes your day-to-day activities, it is totally NOT self-absorbed (as in: me me me me me all the time)
~*AWESOME!!*

ambika said...

Hysterical. For the Seattle one, they should try the bathrooms of any bar on Pike or Pine.

K2 said...

Madame, you are genius.

lady coveted said...

lady, you light up my life.
thank you.

Anonymous said...

balenciaga: This is a good example of two things. 1)Fashion in the service of stupidity. 2)Where clothing remakes the wearer into its own image. The person becomes secondary to the necessities of the fashion statement and in this case resulting in the onset of a medical emergency if the expression on her face is any indication.

IHGP

Kaume'alani said...

Hilarious.

Did you make that earwig diagram on MS Paint?

I am always amazed at the stuff people search for. I got, "can I shave my cat with the same razor I use on my legs?" Umm... technically yes I guess... but no, no, no.

Penny said...

gosh! that balenciaga haiku made me laugh so much that I started choking. I love your blog, even if it kills me. haha

la petite fashionista said...

hahahaha i love the idea of asking the google gods for a persuasive essay topic
& i wish the girls in my college would take heed to your fake tan warnings:)

thanks for making my day haha

Beth said...

I SOOOOO look forward to these.

The embarrassing part is that I know I'm guilty of some extremely ridiculous Google searches so I try not to ridicule too much.

Anonymous said...

Holy crap! I love it when something makes me laugh so much that I break the 'no uncontrollable laughter at work' rule... & this post was that something!

I love it! ^_^

kat

Jello on Springs said...

ahaha i especially loved the one about wearing riding boots and wanting to get married, i literally laughed out loud when i got to that part, oh my the things people look up, i had someone find my blog by searching for "jello made out of horse manure" @_@ quite disturbing if you ask me

Rowena said...

:-D Perfect!

p.s. Have linked you.

Imelda Matt said...

Tyranny, the last of the great forms of art? Please discuss...

lisa said...

This feature gets me every time. Love it! Thanks for the daily giggle dose.

LallaLydia said...

I'm laughing on so many levels here. Seriously, from my head to my toes, only fingertips are able to momentarily stop their giggles to write this.

God is in the Google?! OMG! Love it. THAT'S a new catchphrase.

do those boots allow for anything OTHER than standing like a scarecrow?

you know when they trap wild animals on safari in nets? that's what that chick looks like on the right half of the images.

thanks for making my day!

Alice's Blog said...

hahahahah the balenciaga...its innovative but like u said, competely impractical and i'd say downright ugly.

Anonymous said...

where do da ppl who search dis live.absolutely luv it.

alana said...

winona, you make me giggle! top notch. especially the balenciaga haiku, and the catchphrases.

amy said...

just discovered your blog - and this post in particular - hilarious!!!

Righteous (re)Style said...

I think you're a blogging genius. This is effing hilarious.

Danielle said...

highlarious!

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