This magnificent inside-out ponytail was THE hairstyle of the early 90's, and sweet mother of god, did I yearn for one. It is possible that I yearned for a Topsy Tail even more intensely than I yearned for AJ McLean of the Backstreet Boys, and I once wrote him a letter in which I described my fantasy of moving to a deserted island with him and happening upon a shipwrecked barge full of asiago bagels, so yeah, you do the math.
As this tragic story goes, though, I never got a Topsy Tail or AJ McLean. I missed out on my Backstreet Boy because I was an awkward 13-year-old and he was a rich pop star with meticulously groomed facial hair. And I missed out on my Topsy Tail because my mom sucked at doing hair and refused to buy me the damn Topsy Tail tool.
So you can imagine my delight when I was sitting by my friend Meg at her birthday party this weekend, and her friend Martha sidled up behind us and asked, out of nowhere, if we would like a Topsy Tail. Meg said, "Of course!" while I believe my answer was, "Ghheeeeeee!"
Martha is so immensely talented that she created these Topsy Tails without even using the official Topsy Tail tool.
This is Meg's perfect, luminous Topsy Tail:
And mine, which is a bit messier since my hair is shorter and I was so excited I couldn't sit still:
As I sat there dreamily feeling the texture of my new 'do, Meg began--for lack of a better phrase--talking shit about the Topsy Tail, saying it was itchy and unflattering and blah blah blah. I was appalled, but since it was her birthday I refrained from slapping her and instead challenged her to a civilized Topsy Tail debate, which unfolded as follows:
Point: Topsy Tails represent the height of creative hair fashions.
Counterpoint: That is the problem. Nobody wants the HEIGHT at the NAPE of their neck.
Point: I do!
Counterpoint: So does your great aunt.
Point: Topsy Tails will score you a hott man.
Counterpoint: George Washington had a Topsy Tail and all he got was the first Presidency.
Point: Topsy Tails are tres chic!
Counterpoint: Sarkozy's wife begs to differ.
Point: NO SHE DOESN'T.
Counterpoint: You don't even know politicians.
Point: A Topsy Tail will further your career, probably.
Counterpoint: There's a good chance that you will be mistaken for George Washington.
Point: This Topsy Tail is actually kind of itchy.
Counterpoint: My chest hurts.
Other partygoers' opinions were split, so we'd like to turn the debate judging over to Daddy Likey readers. Please take a second to vote, and may your tails always be topsied!