Tuesday, August 04, 2009

The Pasta Omelet Flashback Sandal

Ranking among my favorite stories in our family lore is the time my dad decided to make an omelet out of everything in the fridge.

When my brothers and I were growing up, my parents' work schedules meant that my dad was almost always on dinner duty. We quickly got used to his creative cooking techniques--butter sandwiches, anyone?--and friendly "Eat it or die" motto, but nothing could have prepared us for the night we sat down to eat what looked like a basic omelet.

I took my first bite, and within the eggy mixture I tasted the unmistakable doughy crust of Papa Murphy's hawaiian pizza.

"Ummm, Dad?" I asked. "Is there old pizza in this omelet?"

"Yes," he said flatly.

"Oh." I looked over at my brother Devin, whose mouth was agape, a tangle of yellow egg and white noodles hanging down over his chin. Horrified, I used my fork to split open the wedge of omelet on my plate, and sure enough, within it sat a clump of last night's fettuccine alfredo.

"Ummm, Dad?" Devin asked. "Why is there fettuccine in this omelet?"

"Because," my dad said, "I didn't want the leftovers to go to waste."

My next bite yielded teriyaki stir fry, then a hunk of apple sauce porkchop.

The dinner soon devolved into hysterical laughter, each of us guessing what our next forkful would reveal. All the while, my dad sat at the head of the table, stoically eating his pizza-pasta-stir fry-pork chop omelet creation, insisting it wasn't that bad. And also, to eat it or die.

Why am I telling you this story? Well, I recently found the shoe equivalent of my dad's famous omelet experiment:

Right? I mean, this designer just threw everything in the pan--there's an orthopedic sole, gladiator shape, athletic laces, high end snakesin, and even a sort of puffy moonboot material up at the top there. I'm sort of surprised the description doesn't include, "Wear it or die."

I might choose die. No offense.


Birdie! said...

WTF is that!? *dies*

Brittney said...

Dangit, Nona, now I'm hungry.

My Dad has always done similar things: one time he made me a sandwich for school lunch and I bit into it to discover a pretzel wedged in between my peanut butter and jelly. Yikes!

It was still kind of delicious.
Anyway, that shoe is so ugly, I wouldn't even try it on. Actually, I might. But I wouldn't buy it. Promise.

Poochie said...

OMG! I totally saw that one a while back and had the same WTF moment.


It truly is hideous.


PS Your dad is the bestest

WendyB said...

I'd eat it. The shoe, that is.

Whit said...

Don't give you Dad any ideas ...

Also, that shoe is the hids. It makes my feet cry.

Lisa said...

I hope that whatever I send you in your Canadian candy parcel doesn't end up in a mystery omelet. :P

Anonymous said...

When I come to visit you, we're eating out. The whole time. Even though I'm dying to meet you dad.

I'd say that the pasta omelet flashback shoe could also be dubbed the platypus of shoes. Little bit o' dis, little bit o' dat!

MizzJ said...

hahah my Dad is totally the same way! I still fondly remember eating my pancake chicken noodle soup.

Rosie Unknown said...

Wow, that is terrible!

Ana said...

Did the Croc people invent this, because its hideous....but probably really lightweight, and I will probably see a whole family of weirdos wearing them at Disney come September.

Kelly said...

holy crap - hilarious story and equally hilarious/hideous shoe!! i needed a big time laugh this afternoon - thanks :)


C said...

Ha! I love it! Gah, those shoes are bad.

Audi said...

I think I'd choose death as well. The only thing that could make those shoes look more hideous is if someone tried to wear socks with them.

ArkieStyleErin said...

If only those shoes came in Tweed, or Mirror Ball ...

K.Line said...

Winona, you rock.

Pret a Porter P said...

you are joking about that omelet!!! LOL!!!!!! that is too funny!!!

Miss Elle said...

Oh my GOD. Perfect story for an ugly-ass shoe.

Anonymous said...

I would cheerfully die rather than wear that. I think that the only thing that could make it worse is if they tried to make it a heel too. Like the high heeled sneakers I have seen in the clearance section of DSW!!!

Also - my dad used to make Kool Aid the way your dad made dinner. He would combine any flavors we had and called it special mixture. Then with meatloaf... if it was in the cupboard it was going in the meatloaf. :)

tricia of bitsandbobbins.com said...

whenever i see design travesties like this (and this one is a freakin' DOOZY!) i think, "who the hell allowed this to get made???" and even worse, "who is buying this??"

FutureLint said...

Wow, that sandal is so so baaad. Erm, that meals doesn't sound great either, at least you had fun and made a great memory!

Rhandi said...

Laughing so hard (at the hideous shoe too, but mostly at the hysterical story) that I am literally crying!

VERONICA said...

Those are FitFlops! So on top of being weird and unwearable, they are making all kinds of lofty health claims, like you'll lose all this weight from wearing them. Me, I'd sooner give up Doritos than wear these to manage my weight.

Kayla said...

That is amazing.

I would actually wear them.

With a pair of sweat pants.


Lindsay said...

Tasty........... I could go for one of those right about now...

The shoe, not the omlette pasta stir fry surprise.

Lorena said...

The shoes are terrible but I loved your story... by the way sounds like you have THE DAD!

Unknown said...

Nona- I remember i came over the day AFTER that dinner and saw the remains in the fridge! I don't think i've ever fully recovered-

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Darling said...

I just LOVE your dad :) Your story has brightened my day, as per yoosh.

Oh, and I also like how somebody (传斌 ???) would think that this story deserves a long advertisement/comment (immediately above) about replica watches...

Ah well,

Dakota said...

I agree, I think I would die if somebody made me wear this shoe.It looks like something a athletic goddess would wear.But not in a good way.


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