Me: So...that's a really nice jacket.
Model: I guess.
Me: That's a Mike & Chris, right?
Me: Oh my gosh I'm so jealous! Are you, like, in heaven right now?
Me: Well, it looks fabulous on you.
Model: I know.
Me: Not to pry, but wow, much does that thing cost? Their leather jackets go for a grand a piece, so a basic cotton trench...hmm...300 bucks? 400?
Model: I don't care.
Me: Did you know that you're wearing my monthly income?
Me: Sooo...what's your favorite movie?
Model: I hate movies.
Me: I'm trying to decide between Annie Hall and Heavyweights.
Me: Which one?
Model: Who cares?
Me: I'm confused.
Model: Mm hmm.
Me: OK, I've gotta know--what's your deal? I mean, you're wearing a Mike & Chris jacket! I'd be pissing with joy right now if I were you. And not only that, you've got a slammin' bod, great bone structure...sure, your hair could use a hot oil treatment, but couldn't we all?
Model: I suppose.
Me: So what's your deal? Is it global warming?
Model: Actually, yeah.
Me: Awww, no tears! It'll be fine. Mike & Chris just came out with some really cute sleeveless tanks and dresses! Actually, to be honest, they're not thaaat cute. They're alright I guess. But obviously their greatest strength is still hoodies and outerwear.
Model: See? Why bother? It's all futile. Life is pointless.
Me: Oh, come on, life's never pointless when you're wearing a Mike & Chris! My life is pointless, sure, but YOU, you've got things goin' for you!
Model: Idiotic drivel. Why are you talking to me?
Me: Have you ever seen that great Woody Allen bit where he's standing next to this girl at a museum, and they're looking at a Jackson Pollock? He asks her what the painting says to her, and she goes on and on about the negativeness of the universe and how there is no God and our very existence is meaningless, and after awhile Woody says, "What are you doing Saturday night?" The girl says, "Committing suicide." So he goes, "How about Friday?"
Model: No, I haven't seen that.