My Extremely Modest Eighteen-Year-Old Brother Takes a Shower

My much-requested guest blogger sibling is back with a brutally honest (and always humble) account of his latest shower. In the words of Dog the Bounty Hunter: take it away, Brah:

The sweat soaked the back of my neck, my sideburns were completely saturated, and my shirt produced a smell that most closely resembled broccoli. Having just worked out for thirty minutes (until being scared from the empty gym by a sound that could only be attributed to a velociraptor), I was understandably grimy.

Staying at my sister's condo, I had no choice but to use her shower. When Nona suggested that I write a review of her new peppermint body wash, I thought "Why not go further and review the whole shower experience?"

To begin, the bathroom has a mirror that covers the entire wall; there is no escaping it. So for me, the experience was off to a good start. It took a turn for the worst, however, when I was unable to turn off the scolding hot water and had to receive instruction through the door. The shampoo was adequate and the basic ivory soap served its purpose. It was when I moved to the conditioner that I ran into problems.


The red conditioner bottle* read "None of your frizzness" or something stupid like that. What the shit? Now I'm depressed. I overcame my anger for shitty marketing and lathered up the old mop and was surprised to find an instant silkiness overtake my hair.

With a renewed sense of hope I tried the face wash. I am seriously considering adding face wash to my shower lineup at home due to the recent appearance of zits which, due to perfect genes, are a family taboo. Aside from burning my eyes worse than the time I drove a nail into a can of silicone spray this face wash was pretty satisfying.

The final and arguably best stage of the entire experience was the peppermint body wash**. Two hours after the shower and as I sit typing this I am exuding an intoxicating strong peppermint musk.


In the end, my DaddyLikey's shower experience was above average. Still, there is much room for improvement***.


Editor's notes:
*He is referring here to Herbal Essences "None of Your Frizzness" Smoothing Conditioner
**More specifically, the divine Philosophy Candy Cane body wash/bubble bath that my lovely friend Laila gave me for Christmas.
***Jeez, he's harsh.