Friday, February 26, 2010

A Love Letter, for Walgreens.


Dear Walgreens,

My deep and passionate love for you has never been a secret. I adore your convenient selection of cosmetics, candy, hamburger helper, dog snuggies, and pharmaceuticals as much as the next girl. Way more than the next girl, actually. Once I got in a serious argument with another girl about who loved you more, and I told her that I visit you at least three times a week, and she was like, "Really? You go to Walgreens three times a week?" and I was like "At least," and she was like, "Maybe you should find other hobbies." So I totally won.

On one of my visits last week, I was on a quest to find Nic's Sticks, the much-hyped nail polish pen designed for people like me who lack hand-eye coordination and end up getting more nail polish on their face and palms than on their nails. I've been super excited to try them and I knew you wouldn't let me down, Walgreens.

I headed to the cosmetics section, usually staffed by a crotchety elderly man who says passive aggressive things like, "Yes, I can show you where the concealer is, but I'm not sure it's going to help" (It's charming, in its own way, trust me) and instead found a friendly woman named Beth Ann, eager to assist. I told her about my quest, and she went to look for the nail polish pens while I browsed the selection of ShamWows by the registers.

Beth Ann soon returned, shaking her head. "I can't find them," she said, "but I need to ask Glenda. Glenda would know. You're not leaving here without your nail polish pen, do you hear me, honey?"

"I hear you," I said back, secretly excited about the prospect of not being able to leave Walgreens.

A couple minutes later, out of the mist of the refrigerated energy drink section, Glenda emerged with glorious news: "Yes, we have your nail polish, but it's in the clearance section."

She led us over to a box of Nic's Sticks that had been marked down to about 3 bucks each. Beth Ann and Glenda and I huddled around the newly affordable loot, choosing cute colors and gossiping and giggling. This is why I come to Walgreens three times a week.

I bought three Nic's Sticks, plus some $1 eyeliner, a notebook, hand sanitizer, and a kit kat bar. This is why when I signed up for a program that would track my finances, it said, "You are spending all of your money at Walgreens," and I said, "You don't know me! You don't know my life!" and shut it off.

I really like the nail polish pens, but Walgreens, what's most important is that I really love you. Don't ever change. And please keep that mean old man out of the cosmetics section.

Love,
Winona

p.s. Exciting, non-Walgreens related announcement coming on Monday! Stay tuned!

45 comments:

Lawgirl said...

Thanks for the morning giggle. :D

Renee said...

every time i go the cosmetics ladies pull out their walgreens coupon box from under the counter and start looking for deals for me! i save at least enough to go buy leftover valentine's candy. love it!

Renée T. Bouchard said...

Hilarious. I have a similar relationship with CVS.

http://reneetbouchard.blogspot.com

Warped Mind of Ron said...

I'm like that at Target... So many choices and I can leave with popcorn and a cherry Icee!!!

Jody said...

I've been loving Wlagreens lately for their free photos. In the last month I've got 2 8x10 picture collages and a regualr 8x10 print for free. As I'm in the midst of give the house a refresh I'm loving free prints to put in my frames. Thank you Walgreens. I truly heart you.

Veronica said...

The only place in the world where I can get both a caramel Ho-Ho and a sparkly Mardi Gras tattoo ... I'm 100% behind you on this one :)

daddylikeyblog said...

Lawgirl--
I try my damndest! :)

Renee--
YES! I love the secret coupon box!!

Renee B and Warped Mind of Ron--
Ah yes, CVS and Target both hold similar appeal, and I could spend hours in each.

Jody--
Yet another Walgreens bonus! Love it.

Sal said...

Walgreens is a truly magical land full of products we had no idea we needed.

emi guner said...

Monday???? That's like an entire weekend away! Can't stand it!

sophia said...

oh man, are you me? Walgreens is super close to my house, so I am in there ALL THE TIME, mostly because I don't keep a grocery list, so I can never remember to get the stuff I need all at the same time, so I have to keep going back. Because I am crazy, though, sometimes I get super self-concious about how much I am there, so I will drive out of my way to go to another store. I don't want the staff to judge me I guess? Who knows.

Anonymous said...

Oh god, I can spend (and have spent) hours upon hours in Walgreens. I love it with an unholy passion. I used to live about a ten minutes' walk from one and it was heaven. Today the walk is more like a half hour but I've been known to make it anyway. It's like a pilgrimage.

Sarah said...

This. This is how I feel about Target. I live in Minneapolis, Home of Target, so there is of course a Target downtown. And it is within walking distance of my house. So, i walk to it. At least three or four times a week, sometimes every day. Sometimes, I will purposely NOT get everything I need so that I have a reason to come back the next day. I told some people that my daily walk to Target was part of my fitness plan and they laughed, thinking it was a joke. But I was dead serious, yo.

Erin said...

how'd the nail polish turnout. i am a drugstore fiend myself.

closet365 said...

Walgreen's is the bomb. I went in yesterday for lipstick and came out with lipstick, trail mix, a magazine and hair treatment made out of henna and placenta. Best day ever.

Kara said...

I luuuuuv Walgreens so much. But I'm trying not to go there for a while, because I already have 35 lipsticks, ten years worth of hair products, and more eyeliner than you can shake a stick at. It's hard though, because they keep building new Walgreens closer and closer to my house! Is it possible that Walgreens loves me back?!?

Mabel and Zora said...

Walgreens has the best snacks.

megan said...

My boyfriend (and my grandma) works at Walgreens, so we both get a discount! Purty cool. It's a nice place, and drugstores in general are neat.

I like Target a lot as well, especially the dollar section they have at the front.

do dah said...

i can't paint my nails without painting my entire finger, and occasionally my knees! i'm glad to know i'm not entirely alone in this affliction. do these nic's sticks actually help with such challenges?

also, i second the adoration of both walgreen's and target.

Jen said...

awww this was such a fun post a great read to start off my day :)

WendyB said...

"You're not leaving here without your nail polish pen, do you hear me, honey?" weirdly reminds me of a line from Twin Peaks: "Leland says you're going back to Missoula, Montana!"

I can't explain it.

akaveronica said...

Winona, I love you.
This post will keep me smiling all day. Later, I'll try to explain your post to my husband and hope he shares in my giddy joy, but I'm thinking he just might not get it. Maybe I'll change Walgreens to a sporting goods store & the nail polish to some elusive hockey stick or new fangled jock strap.
That'll do it.

Alex said...

*sigh*...what would I do without DaddyLikey and your hilarious posts? Thanks for the laugh and keep 'em coming!

SewSweetStitches said...

This is my first visit to your blog, I was sent here by One Pearl Button. Your first post (to me,) and I'm already howling with laughter. I can tell we're going to be soulmates. In a completely not-in-real-life, uncreepy way.

Melissa

Katy Mary said...

You are so funny, I love this post!

Mambo Girl said...

What a coincidence, I had just stepped into a Walgreens for the first time in months (maybe even closer to a year?) this week and realized how much I missed going in there. I guess I should take this as a sign and keep coming in. Does anyone remember the rebate savers? Man oh man, I got so many great things for free! And then they stopped doing it... and that's about when I stopped going in. Oh well, I still love it.

Mambo Girl said...

Oh, and I just saw the funniest baby tshirt there, Barf Vader. But, alas, I had no baby to buy it for, so there it stayed.

Trevor said...

I'm a fan.

lisa said...

There's a London Drugs 10 minutes away from my house, and I love it as much as you love Walgreens. My (male) manager and I have whiled away many a one-on-one meeting discussing our love of London Drugs and how much time and money we spend there!

Kelly said...

I have not visited a Walgreens since I moved to Portland in October. (I wish they had the Take Care Clinics here...) I thought they didn't exist since I have yet to see one in my day to day travels around the city.
You have inspired me to hunt one down! Hopefully my adventure will be as exciting as yours!!

Kaume'alani said...

OMG, I just did a post last week reviewing Sally Hanson's version of Nic's Sticks b/c I couldn't find them at Walgreens. I ended up getting some at Fred Meyer, but they were on clearance there too. I hope they aren't discontinuing them, I love Nic's Sticks and am also paint my own nails challenged.

Don't buy the Sally Hansen ones like I did, they suck.

Katie Ann said...

I've tried the nail polish pens before, I believe the Sally Hansen version. A word of warning: if these are the same and have a button on the bottom you have to push to get polish to come out, make sure you're not pointing it downward toward your favorite jeans, as it has a tendency to spit.

28cupsoftea said...

Ohhh, Walgreens ALWAYS has amazing cosmetics sales too! why go anywhere else when there's 50%, buy one get one free, milani brand, and more?!

the hollister abolisher said...

This is like the relationship my whole family has with walgreens. It's pretty much our second home. It's fun because of the huge mirror that lines part of the ceiling, that's how we find each other when we separate to find different things.

leMoustache said...

I am glad I am not the only one with a walgreens obsession. everyone working the late shift knows my name and I have my own shopping cart (well, not really but I should have one, and my own parking spot and a plaque above the register with a flattering picture). They are great. and awesome. and they have the best snuggie selection, EVER!

HM said...

I, like Solo Lisa, also love London Drugs much like you love Walgreens. Like Walgreens, it's got an awesome cosmetics, snacks and (for me the kicker) electronics!! so many toys to play with and buy.

Kristen said...

hahahahaha. I love this post. Also super excite to head to my local walgreens to see if nics sticks is on sale. I love how easy they are.

~K

Caroline Bailey said...

http://www.modcloth.com/store/ModCloth/Womens/Ride+the+Wave+Swimsuit

The weirdest bathing suit ever? Please do a Five Men's Fashion Impressions on this! I miss those!

Healthy and Homemade said...

Dear god I almost peed a little laughing. I read this to my husband, he didn't appreciate the humor. Now I'm dying to go to Walgreens! They are the BEST =D

Hawk Z. said...

Hi!! I'm a new follower, and I found your fantabulous blog after I randomly bought your fantabulous book. love both!!

like some of the other commentators, this is how I feel about Target... it's almost miraculous... There's a store that's filled with everything that I could ever want or need. I can't even make a simple trip to buy, say, deodorant, without spending several hours there :D

Lovers, Saints and Sailors said...

Winona, you know how great you are? Super great. That's how great you are.

Chelsea said...

Hmm... I would say it is not quite as much fun if you work there (points to herself), but I'm starting to think it is my particular store.

Vix said...

Favorite part of this post:

>This is why when I signed up for a program that would track my finances, it said, "You are spending all of your money at Walgreens," and I said, "You don't know me! You don't know my life!" and shut it off.

[My Walgreens isn't nearly as fun for me, alas.]

Kate said...

I grew up Catholic, and we were taught to avoid "occasions of sin." I too spend all my money at walgreen's, and did as a teen/tween, too, on knockoff perfumes (if you like clinique happy, you'lll LOVE...) and j-14 magazine. I could never save up for anything so my mom called it "the occasion of spend." I STILL call walgreen's that. in fact, writing this comment is making me want to go to walgreen's now. i think i need some hair dye, and some aromatherapy shave gel, and a large bag of after dinner mints....

Anonymous said...

I really thought i was the only one, all my friends make fun of me for my love of walgreens.
I used to spend over $100 each time i went to Walgreens. I've calmed a bit down, I try to go only when i do need something. but blving within walking distance, its really hard.

The Bird said...

I live three blocks from a Walgreens, and I basically cannot walk out the doors without buying a $1.00 Arizona iced tea or Mucho Mango. Sure, they are a dollar everywhere, but not a lot of places in my town have them and 7-11 is a lot farther away and STRICKLY FOR SLURPEES RUNS.

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