Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Dear Daddy Likey: Don't Make Me Pull A Kim Kardashian

Dear Daddy Likey,

I'm so happy that you've found a swimsuit that you love, and that flatters a part of your body you're not thrilled with. But I have a different problem altogether. My waist measurement is a 26 but my hips are a 42, meaning that I don't mind wearing bikinis because my stomach is okay, but my hips and thighs are all wobbly and squishy and dimply. (Cute, I know.) And there is NO swimsuit for that problem! I hate having to wear a sarong until the second I get into the water, and I don't want to go all Kim Kardashian and actually TAKE A TOWEL INTO THE WATER WITH ME, but I don't know what else to do!

Please help me! Are there any creative solutions? I can't think of ANYTHING!


Stacy Sa-Wrong

Dear Stacy,

I'll be honest. My response to your query started out along the lines of, "Own it, girlfriend! Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your squishyness! Woo! Girl Power!" But then I realized that if I asked someone for advice about swimwear that camouflaged my stomach, and they said, "Wear a bikini! Own it, girlfriend! Don't let anyone make you feel bad about your Jack Black-sized gut! Woo! Girl Power!" I would have to track them down and strangle them with a conservative one piece.

So, with that in mind, I came up with a couple more realistic, less annoying suggestions for you.

Swim Skirts and Swim Dresses

For many of us, the term "swim skirt" triggers traumatizing visions of frumpy grandma suits, but a couple weeks ago, my friend Jess bought this swimsuit and showed me the light:

It's even cuter in real life, seriously. The gold details around the bust and the ruching at the waist really stand out.
Black Gold Stud Halter Swimsuit, ON SALE for $39,

When she came over to show me and take a dip in the pool (which, because it's located in a condo complex with a large retiree population, has seen its share of scary swim skirts), I was blown away: it was glamorous, flattering, unique, sexy, and SKIRTED. And here's the thing, it wasn't glamorous, flattering, unique and sexy in spite of the skirt, but the skirt actually contributed to all of those things. Paradigm. Shifted.

My beautiful plus size readers can enjoy Jess' lovely swimsuit above and the equally chic skirted suit below:

Hot-Pink Star Print Halter Swimsuit, also ON SALE for $39,

This one is so cute I want to wear it everyday, not just to cover up a little extra junk in the trunk:

How cute would it be with a simple black bikini top?
Coral Floral Flirt Skirt, $28,

Adjustable Gottex Skirted Bikini Bottoms, $74,

If you like the look of the skirt above, but prefer not to spend so much, this two piece set is only $18:

Going Dotty Swimwear,

How freakin' amazing is this swimdress? You could wear it to the Oscars, and then go for a dip in the pool, and then wear it to the Grammys. SO chic.
Anne Cole Swimwear Shirred One Piece, $112,

Also check out this amazing DKNY swimdress, which is kind of cuter than any of the regular dresses I own, on sale at Macy's.

Board Shorts

These can be a little tougher to work into your swim wardrobe unless you already prefer a more athletic look, but with a million different cool prints and varied lengths, you're sure to find one that fits your style.

Board shorts are a much better option than wearing a towel into the water, if just for the simple fact that you won't be clinging to a giant waterlogged piece of cotton while sinking to your death and shrieking "Don't look at my thighs!!" Pair them with a bikini top or slip them over a one-piece, and you've got yourself a hip-covering and functional swim ensemble.

Here are two bright and crazy options (my personal favorite), but just google "boardshorts" for about seven billion different options, including solid colors, designer, and knee-length styles.

Billabong Flower Child Board Short, $38,

Roxy Polka Party Boardshort, $37,

Feel free to share your suggestions for Stacy in the comments!


WendyB said...

One of my earliest memories is of wearing a one-piece swimsuit with a skirt.

Anonymous said...

I totally rock that swimsuit...I get compliments on it all of the time now, one of my good friends told me it looks like a hot little party dress! It makes me want to wear it around everywhere.
I love the post Noners

Anonymous said...

As usual, hilarious post with great advice!

Anonymous said...

I'm liking the idea of a swim suit and skirt ensemble for daywear....

Bouncing Evil Ginner said...

Board shorts are awesome, they dry really quickly too and look cute. Also can lead to discussions with surfers. Not that it's happened to me, but it can!!

Anonymous said...

you MUSt look into trunkettes!. It's like a bikini where the bottoms are matching swim trunks.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Those swim skirts ARE really cute. Nice finds! I'm a board short girl, myself, though. Less chance of fabric flippage and bootay exposure ...

seberu said...

I'm pretty much the same measurements and I'm going the board short route. :)

Adri said...

And you can always cover up with the sequinned towel in the post below :-)

But seriously, great post. Swimsuit advice in magazines always seems to assume stomachs are the problem when in fact many of us hate our hips far more.

Anonymous said...

so i LOVE that trunkettes website, they look SO CUTE. however, i'm working with a nasty hangover here, and i read "if you would like to carry trunkettes in your store, click here" as "if you would like to carny trunkettes." carny them. i sat for like 10 minutes. lesson learned, one dirty martini is a bad idea, two is exceedingly bad.

Anairam said...

Dear Daddy Likey, You are very cool. Actually, I meant to say Very Cool. And you found me a swimsuit. Yay!! I am thinking it will be VC if a top designer book you to do a one-woman show for one of his/her catwalk shows, giving commentary as the models walk past. I mean, how cool would that be? (Very Cool).

Lisa said...

I had a bright fruit-patterned skirted swimsuit back in my elementary school swimming lesson days! Ah memories...

Anonymous said...

I love the skirty one pieces you found which, as I read her letter, I was totally *not* expecting. The force is strong with you. Now if only you could find a way to make jeans shopping less torturous.

Joanna Goddard said...

i love the venus two-piece and those totally cute swell boardshorts. my sis wore board shorts and a white bikini top on her honeymoon and looked adorable!

Anonymous said...

Newport News & Speigel (same company) have really super cure swindresses and skirted 2-pieces... I have a swindress I got in 2006 and bought another one this year since it is so fantastic!

TheSundayBest said...

I just bought a pair of swim shorts from H&M...nothing makes me happier than this 60's revival going on. Finally clothes that fit.

This had nothing to do with the post, PER SE. I just wanted to get involved.

Haiku Ambulance said...

I pick the swimdress for Stacy! I think it's chic and accomplishes what she wants it to. I recommend 50s inspired bathingsuits that have the shape of a swimdress if Stacy can find one.

Pret a Porter P said...

that anne cole one is amazing.
and that dkny, is way to cute

Shopaholic D said...

ooh - love that anne cole number! hot!

:) D

Anonymous said...

LOVE is all

Aria said...

(sigh), thank god for you, Daddy. Year after year I've tortured myself over this exact same issue. Yet, I've never had the guts to ask the question for fear that the response would involve embracing my cheese with my womanhood. F that!

Coco said...

I think this dress from American Apparel could make a cute skirted swimsuit-- it's the same material as their suits, and with bikini bottoms underneath would be a good option!

Anonymous said...

these are such fabulous suits! i always laugh at the suggestions in magazines and usually end up feeling like my only option is to wear a wet-suit.

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