Five Men Vs. Marc Jacobs

I recently received the following email in regards to this shoe, which made its debut on the Marc Jacobs Spring 2008 runway:


Dearest Winona,

Can you explain these shoes to me? I can't seem to grasp how they "work"...and by that I mean, unless we all walk "en pointe", how do they function in the real world? I was hoping perhaps you could shed some light on these quirky pumps that Mr. Jacobs has dreamed up and (somehow) put on the runway.

Signed,

Confounded in Carolina

Dear Confounded,

Sure, I could try to explain these shoes (and my explanation would surely include the confession that I kind of sort of intensely love these, and would you be OK with that?), but wouldn't you rather hear what my five fashion-clueless men think of them? Yeah, that's what I thought. So here you go:

Brother, age 12: (Stares for awhile) It looks like one of those babies that’s born with, like, 8 limbs, except its got one of the limbs in the wrong place.

Brother, age 20: What do you want me to say? It's ugly. It's useless.

Brother, age 18: (Laughs) Uhhh... (Laughs some more) First impression? Someone in the factory made a mistake.

Boyfriend: Oh jesus! What the fuck! I wasn't expecting that...Wait, how would that work? (Stands up and attempts to walk with his heel raised in the air) That wouldn't work at all! It'd be so uncomfortable! But it would be a good workout for your calves, yeah?

Father: It looks like it was designed and made by a cross-eyed dyslexic with ADHD.

[Editor's Note: That's right, my dad just threw down with Marc Jacobs! He's bold! He's fearless! Or...he has no idea who Marc Jacobs is...]