I have an unusual work situation. I am a funeral director, which means my work wardrobe is pretty limited to mostly black and depressingly conservative. Unfortunately, I have a penchant for shoes. Colorful shoes, high heeled shoes, flats, boots, I just love fun shoes. My work shoes however, need to get me through a day that may include embalming, tromping through cemeteries, and removals of the deceased from hospitals (there is something a little empowering about seeing the security guard's eyes go wide as you lift a very heavy man onto a cot in heels without flinching).
ARE there shoes that can survive a mortuary life? Or will I be doomed to sensible shoes in stark black for the rest of my career? Help!
Dearest Funeral Fashionista,
First of all, I have to say that this was one of my favorite Dear Daddy Likey inquiries I've ever received. I'd never really thought about the merits of looking sassy while lifting a dead man, but now that you mention it, I totally agree: fun shoes are a must!
I can't really explain why, but my first instinct was to direct you to Fluevog, because the styles are undeniably fun, they're good quality, and look super comfy. Beautiful blogger Sally often sings the praises of Fluevog and look how fabulous she looks:
Unfortunately, I have never actually worn this brand myself, so I decided to interrogate my friend Sarah, an avowed Fluevog Fan, and see if she could vouch for their comfiness. Our IM conversation is as follows:
Sarah: it has been forever
Me: I know!
Sarah: i was just advertising your blog to all of my friends!
Me: Did I really interrupt you in the process of blog promotion?? GET BACK TO DOING THAT
Sarah: hahaha no im slightly exaggerating, i was shamelessly advertising yesterday
Me: ok, well good work! i have a question for you
Me: you are a fan of john fluevog shoes, right?
Sarah: oh yes!
Me: how many pair do you have?
Sarah: oh jeez! i dont even know. i have...at least four. my favorites of course are the lime green boots
Me: oh yeah those are SO cute!
Sarah: and they have hearts for heels! i was walking around in the snow making little heart prints
Me: so, are these shoes comfortable?
Sarah: yes definitely
Sarah: well, compared to other fancyflashyfashiony shoes anyway
Sarah: i mean not compared to like loafers or whatever
Me: lol of course
Sarah: but they're pretty squishy and they dont pinch or rub me at all, and they tend to have good toes, not too pointy
Sarah: and good solid heels, not too thin, which is why i can walk in them haha
Me: so i'm gonna list a few situations where you might wear your fluevogs. could you please answer yes or no to indicate if they would be a comfortable shoe choice for the situation?
Me: 1. a day of shopping with your lovely sister
Sarah: of course!
Me: 2. waiting tables
Sarah: hm. I'd go with probably not
Me: Interesting. OK, what about moving a corpse?
Sarah: i guess that depends how far you're moving it, but most likely comfortable
Me: lol Sarah this is why i love you.
Me: you don't even miss a beat when i ask if a shoe would be comfortable for moving a corpse
There you have it, folks: Proof that Fluevogs would be comfortable corpse-moving footwear, and that my friends should probably work on being more suspicious.
Here are some specific sassy shoe suggestions. I went for closed toe, not-too-high heels and fun details:
Look up "sassy" in the dictionary and you'd probably find a picture of these. Add them to a somber black ensemble and watch every security guards' eyes widen within a mile radius.
"Helen," $109, here
These are a little spendier, but come on! They look like little bat shoes! Totally goth sexy.
"Lady Ophelia," $179, here
How gorgeous would these boots be with some dark lace tights?
Love the color and bouncy-looking heel.
"Lover," $255, here
These are pretty amazing too. And be sure to check out ebay if you like the shoes but not the price!
Any suggestions from the audience for comfy, cute mortician-approved shoes?