Monday, October 20, 2008

Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey!

It's time once again for Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey, the recurring feature in which I post a select few of the thousands of Google search terms that led people to my blog, and kindly and patiently respond to each. (Click here for a slightly better explanation, if you're a DL newbie.) So let's get it on! (Search terms in bold italics; my responses below.)

Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey!

"flats for men"
This seems like it would be fairly simple request, no?

winona house centipedes
This is going to be my legacy, isn't it?

my thighs!
They're just fine, I'm sure. Settle down.

do awesome people tuck in shirt?
I'm sure there are a few awesome people who tuck in their shirt, although I'm not sure how many awesome people ask Google if awesome people tuck in their shirt. No offense.

shame on goodwill

fire out butt
I'm posting this solely for the amusement of my thirteen-year-old brother.

gilmourn girls
God, that's a bad pun. Personally, I hold myself to higher punning standards. Oh, wait, shit.

what fruit size are your boobs quiz?
Alright, alright, let me put something together for you real quick. Here ya go:

1. Which type of fruit do your boobs most resemble?
a) lemon
b) orange
c) grapefruit
d) canteloupe
e) honeydew
f) watermelon
g) this pumpkin

Scoring is self-explanatory. Hopefully.

are sex toys prohibited on planes
Not prohibited. Perhaps frowned upon, especially if they're, umm, in use.

which mac eyeshadow is like a teal?
I wear "electric eel" at least a few times a week and I LOVE it.

daddy likey should be president

Awww I'm flattered! But honestly, I just don't think I'm a viable candidate. I couldn't bear to part with my William Ayers BFF necklace--it has pink rhinestones and everything!

he wore tights under his jeans
Well, that must have been quite a surprise...Did he go for control top or low rise? Did he have any issues with bunching? I need to talk to this guy!

how to model for shopbop
First, if you're wearing pants, shorts, a skirt, or underwear, take them off. Now, pull your dress down and look really, really uncomfortable. Study this feature for more lessons from the pros.

how do i deal with my boyfriend eyeing up other women
Dump. his. ass.

im 26 years old, is that too old to become a dental hygienist?
Oh man, that strict dental hygienist age limit will get you every time! I remember once, I was having my teeth cleaned, and these agents in black suits bust the door down and screamed, "On the floor, Loretta! We found your real birth certificate!" And then they dragged my hygienist out the door as she sobbed and clutched her mouth mirror. It was intense.

will jockstrap on stage hide my boner
I'm going to cite the experience of a certain classmate of mine with a starring role in the 8th grade Shakespeare production and say, no, nothing can save you.

ooohhhh too late, pants wet
This is getting awkward.


WendyB said...

OMG, I was just about to do a post referencing your "inadvertently ask" posts. What timing!

Mindy said...

Tell me why Daddy Likey wouldn't be a better vice president/president than Sarah Palen? Hmmm? I don't think you can.

Mindy said...

Also, what's with the Pamela Anderson video ad on your side bar? I suspect you had nothing to do with it. Unless she was the one that asked the question "how do i deal with my boyfriend eying up other women?" Or the dental hygienist question. Either one.

TINE said...

Haha, one of my favorite features!

Peajai said...

Winona, everytime I run screaming from a house centipede, I'll think of you.

P.S. Watermelons unite!

Kim said...

Even though I'd read it before, I had to go back and revisit your diatribe against Goodwill. It's so true. Except I DID go to that dark place, the Goodwill outlet and once I got past the smell, I found a Gap crewneck sweater in my favorite color (brown) and a charcoal sweater hoodie from J Crew, both on the same day. That alone fed my addiction enough to make me go back again, only to find nothing. I hate that place.

Anonymous said...

um, you just totally made my morning. i heart your sense of humor.

TheSundayBest said...

It's certainly true - nothing can save you.

GLC said...

I am adult woman,grown up and mature. And I still laugh at unexpected boners. I can't help it. Penises are too funny, regardless of what stage you are at in life.

Even the word is funny- boners. hee hee!

SHOEGAL said...

I love this feature!

I have awarded you an Honest Blogger Award! See my blog post for details.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, you're pretty much gonna be the poster child for House Centipede Rights from now on, lady. Sad to say.

This is a great batch, btw. Especially the hygenist question. You know, cuz you talk TONS about that career path ...

Claire said...

This made me giggle. Severely. I had to close my browser to calm myself down and stop crying! (I always cry buckets when I laugh really hard, it's such an ordeal!)

Katy said...

I was the same as WendyB! Yay!

Anonymous said...

I read this post while standing at one of the computers in the front of my school's library. I cracked up and laughed so hard I cried. That should teach me not to read Daddy Likey in public... but I bet I will anyway.

G. said...

Yes, success! I may it onto Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey. I will add to my "you should be president" comment, by saying that you would be absolutely fantastic.

" I, Winona, as president of these United States, would ensure that all skirts and dresses follow the school code of falling past your fingertips. This will ensure that Shopbop models, and women everywhere, will not have to contort themselves into odd poses to cover up their chocha."

You know you love it!

Elizabeth said...

I don't know why world took so long to realize that Daddy Likey should be President. Sheesh.

Valentina said...

will jockstrap on stage hide my boner
I'm going to cite the experience of a certain classmate of mine with a starring role in the 8th grade Shakespeare production and say, no, nothing can save you.


Anonymous said...

"DL newbie" i feel like im part of the popular crowd because daddy likey is just too funny and cool for all those 'other' people out there to miss it...
great stuff winona!!

Beth said...

Can we add strawberries to the boob chart? I don't really think I've made it to lemons yet...

Funny post, as always.

Anonymous said...

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