Monday, March 26, 2007

A Glimpse Inside the Minds of Men

Yes, it is time once again for the always fun feature Five Men's Fashion First Impressions, in which I show the five men in my life an intriguing/confusing/frightening fashion item and record their immediate responses.

Our item of the day, a "piano fringe" (I believe the more appropriate term is "shredded to hell") cardigan by Rick Owens Lilies, currently available on for $524. Behold:

You know, when I was in music class in second grade, we sang this really stupid song about the excitement of election day (sample lyric: Election day! Election day! The day we decide how it's gonna be!). I wouldn't know the true excitement of election day for another ten years, so instead of singing it once more with feeling as our music teacher pleaded, I found a string hanging off of my sweater, and I pulled on it until class was over. It was great fun, and by the end of class I had an exact replica of this cardigan we're discussing today--had I only known that I could have sold it online for $500, a sum that would have secured me one hell of a lot of My Little Ponies.

But enough about me. Here are the men:

The Boyfriend: It looks like what you'd find on a corpse after it's been decomposing for six months.

The Father: First of all, what is it?
Me: It's a cardigan.
The Father: They're calling
that a cardigan? (pained laugh) Oh Jesus...Well, it looks like something Morticia Adams would be really happy with. That's really atrocious.

Brother, age 19: This is quite a "fashion don't." It's just made of that mesh they bag onions with. I could make that.

Brother, age 17: Portuguese Man-of-War.

Brother, age 12: (eyes widen) It looks like a spider...and a cow...fused into one.
Me: How the hell does this look like a cow?
Brother, age 12: It's milky...and smooth...I don't know how to explain it, ok??

Brother, age 12, returns half an hour later, stifling laughter: It looks like something a (dramatic airquotes) "widow" would wear. Get it? Like black widow. See, when you write it, just put parentheses around "widow" and it's a joke. Cuz I already mentioned spider so I gave you the perfect set-up for this.


shopdiary said...

Too funny!

QM said...

Soooo, a cow huh? Do you guys live near a nuclear powerplant per chance??

Joei said...

ew! but tell your brother i dug the joke.

Mindy said...

My dog would take one look at this and decide it was time to play tug-of-war with it. She's like that with rags.

Candid Cool said...

at first i had no idea where you were going with the election day story and then you tied it all together beautifully.

another post that brought a smile to my face!

Willy said...

Man of war eh? LOL!

Maddy said...

I love your little brother. He sounds exactly like mine but not as lame.

eurobrat said...

I love this post so much.

Sundancer said...

That is pretty creepy looking. I did see an attractive use of piano fringe on a commercial for America's Next Top Model, in the "welcome to the jungle" theme. I couldn't find any decent images though so I can't supply a link. They had the fringe running down the back of a dress and it was quite nice.

Vanessa said...

It looks like something an Olsen would wear on a bad day. Or maybe a good day, even.

Anonymous said...

i don't know anything about fashion but i'm pretty sure FMFFI have actually topped their balenciaga boot "out of the way, peck" comments with this one. thanks for making me laugh out loud!

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