Thursday, March 01, 2007

Tales of a Doe-Eyed Spambot

So, Blogger locked up my blog yesterday and wouldn't let me post because it had identified Daddy Likey as a possible "Spam Blog." I finally got an email apology from them and my access back, but not after spending all day wondering how bad my writing must be getting to be confused with those "DoUble yOur penis SIZE in thr33 dayz!" emails (can't wait to see the sidebar ads that'll be assigned to my site because of that phrase). But without further ado, here's another post that apparently could have easily been written by a spambot...

I am one of the legions of women that laud the eyelash curler as the greatest beauty tool, no, the greatest tool (is anyone else thinking "Fuck the wheel" t-shirts??) ever invented.

Besides the ego-boost I get every morning from simply knowing how to operate such a contraption, I really enjoy imagining a team of archaeologists unearthing my eyelash curler in a hundred years or so and identifying it, with all certainty, as an advanced torture device (oh god, and when they also find my hair straightener, cuticle trimmers, and blackhead remover within five square feet, they'll deem my room an "Ancient Tomb of Sadism" for sure and maybe open a museum there). In addition to those two observations that probably no one else can relate to, the thing really does work wonders. It makes my eyes look noticeably bigger and more awake with just a couple slightly terrifying clamps.

Predictably, I use the famous Shu Uemura brand, which I bought in a fit of weakness after reading five-hundred too many beauty editors rave that one squeeze of this baby could turn Jerry Lee Lewis into Jennifer Lopez. Turns out, that wasn't true at all (I might get killed by Shu Uemura ninjas for saying this, but the only difference between it and cheaper brands seems to be the price, that and you get to say "So true!" when you read in Allure that "Anyone who does not own a Shu Uemura eyelash curler is ugly. It's that simple.") It does give my lashes a very nice curl though, and I still have both my eyes, so I'm happy.

I read a rave review of heated eyelash curlers a few days ago over at Ma Petite Chou. These have been a fear/obsession of mine for a long time. On the one hand, my stick-straight blonde lashes yearn for a more dramatic curl, but on the other hand, one time my hair dryer malfunctioned and started shooting flames, and I'm a bit worried about employing similar technology so close to my eye. Maybe someday, when I'm a little braver, a little richer, a little blind already so I have nothing to lose, I'll try out this wild new frontier in eyelash curling. Until then, I'll stay true to the Shu (that's what they call it in the 'hood) and keep writing this here spam.


Ellen said...

Hello! My name is Ellen and I have Lipstick, Powder 'n Paint. I have been locked out of my blog as they feel I may be SPAM. I have been worrying about having to move my blog but am pleased to hear that they did clear you!
Glad that you are back up and running!
All the best,

Ana said...

OMG winona! so this is a tip straight from Meg herself. After my constant staring and commenting on her lovely perky eye-opening lashes, I finally asked her how she did it.
and this was her reply:
she heats her eye lash curler with her hair dryer for a few seconds. she tests the temp of her eye lash curler on her chin to make sure that it wont burn her eyeballs and then she curls with her warm heated eye lash curler.
I tried this in the winter in my husbands car when the heater was running super hot, and it worked! but beware, it can give TOO much of a shocked looked if you don't get just right. (eventually your eyelashes will relax though)
Alright, there you go.
Love, Ana

Aloe said...

Good post, very funny. I have to admit that I have been too much of a coward to ever try an eyelash curler, but I should hitch up my skirts and get one I suppose. I read that artice in Allure and Shu Uemura = God.
I like your blog!

daddylikeyblog said...

You're not alone. Godspeed, my friend.

Oh my gosh! Meg totally taught me that freshman year but in blocking out all the roommate horrors I also lost this priceless beauty tip. Thank you for reminding me! I shall try it tomorrow.

If you do hitch up your skirts and try one, be sure to tell me if it changes your life. Because it will. Thanks for reading!

Anonymous said...

I'm also addicted to eyelash curlers.

They're pretty much the best EVER to be invented. I cannot leave my house without curling my lashes, it just makes me feel incomplete.
ps: ILOVEYOURBLOG! its the funniest by far.

QM said...

I do the hairdryer thing too! I have insanely straight lashes, you could sit cups on those suckers, so even proper heated curlers don't work for me, therefore it's the hairdryer every time. Works wonders, although the first trial and error phase to get the right amount of heat, well that isn't fun...

Chanel said...

Wow. The stuff you can learn on fashion blogs! WOW! I must admit, I own an eyelash curler, but NEVER use it! It probably has a layer of dust on it in the bottom of my makeup kit, but I have been wondering about how to get a lengthier look on my lashes. The heat and curl technique seems like it would work. Definitely gonna try.

And RE: your previous topic of being flagged a "spam blogger" apparently I was "spamming" people too, because I was blocked all weekend. WTH??? And I thought I was so COLD WITH IT over at my blog! Guess not so much. I got the same half a** apology from Blogger after almost 4 days of being locked out! Not cool.

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