So, Blogger locked up my blog yesterday and wouldn't let me post because it had identified Daddy Likey as a possible "Spam Blog." I finally got an email apology from them and my access back, but not after spending all day wondering how bad my writing must be getting to be confused with those "DoUble yOur penis SIZE in thr33 dayz!" emails (can't wait to see the sidebar ads that'll be assigned to my site because of that phrase). But without further ado, here's another post that apparently could have easily been written by a spambot...
I am one of the legions of women that laud the eyelash curler as the greatest beauty tool, no, the greatest tool (is anyone else thinking "Fuck the wheel" t-shirts??) ever invented.
Besides the ego-boost I get every morning from simply knowing how to operate such a contraption, I really enjoy imagining a team of archaeologists unearthing my eyelash curler in a hundred years or so and identifying it, with all certainty, as an advanced torture device (oh god, and when they also find my hair straightener, cuticle trimmers, and blackhead remover within five square feet, they'll deem my room an "Ancient Tomb of Sadism" for sure and maybe open a museum there). In addition to those two observations that probably no one else can relate to, the thing really does work wonders. It makes my eyes look noticeably bigger and more awake with just a couple slightly terrifying clamps.
Predictably, I use the famous Shu Uemura brand, which I bought in a fit of weakness after reading five-hundred too many beauty editors rave that one squeeze of this baby could turn Jerry Lee Lewis into Jennifer Lopez. Turns out, that wasn't true at all (I might get killed by Shu Uemura ninjas for saying this, but the only difference between it and cheaper brands seems to be the price, that and you get to say "So true!" when you read in Allure that "Anyone who does not own a Shu Uemura eyelash curler is ugly. It's that simple.") It does give my lashes a very nice curl though, and I still have both my eyes, so I'm happy.
I read a rave review of heated eyelash curlers a few days ago over at Ma Petite Chou. These have been a fear/obsession of mine for a long time. On the one hand, my stick-straight blonde lashes yearn for a more dramatic curl, but on the other hand, one time my hair dryer malfunctioned and started shooting flames, and I'm a bit worried about employing similar technology so close to my eye. Maybe someday, when I'm a little braver, a little richer, a little blind already so I have nothing to lose, I'll try out this wild new frontier in eyelash curling. Until then, I'll stay true to the Shu (that's what they call it in the 'hood) and keep writing this here spam.