Breaking! Five Men's Fashion First Impressions: Redux

My last post (see below) sparked both Candid Cool and La Femme to request an emergency meeting of the men's minds. They want to know what the famous five think about this dress:


Not only was I intrigued by the idea of showing the men something less extreme, but also, if I go by the standard formula used by politicians (as I always do) that every opinion letter published in the newspaper represents 10,000 similar opinions, that means those two comments represent roughly 20,000 Daddy Likey readers that feel the same way, right? What's that you say? Egregious error in logic? I don't have anywhere close to 20,000 readers? Oh well. Two is enough.

The men seemed suspicious and nervous when I unveiled the picture, looking to me for a clue, whispering, "Is this supposed to be bad?" and offering me various bribes for the answer. I refused their offers, kept my opinion a secret (I guess it's a good thing they only pretend to read my blog or they would have known it), and this is what they said:

The Boyfriend: Perfect to wear to a Shakespearean play. I'm not sure I'm diggin' the sleeves...

The Father: It would be difficult for anyone under 6'5" to wear it. Otherwise, it looks nice.

Brother, age 19: Decent. I would sweat in it. I think the sash is played.

Brother, age 17: It looks really Arabian. Really Middle-Eastern. Really Jasmine-from-Aladdin-y.

Brother, age 12: It looks like someone took a pig and painted it magenta and scrunched it up and then tied it with a purple bow. It looks scrunchly [sic]. I don't like it.

So what have we learned here today?

-I should definitely break up with my boyfriend.

-If there is a possible right answer involved, straight men are terrified to pass judgment on clothes. My nineteen-year-old brother literally ran away from me multiple times after he realized that he couldn't just make a crack about how ugly it was. I guess there's good reason behind this fear, though (see first bullet point).

-Executives at Lucky magazine are probably going to read my seventeen-year-old brother's comment, say "This is the raw talent we've been looking for," and have him start work right away. That would be ironic-y, no?

-When my nineteen-year-old brother looks at an item of women's clothing, his first thought is apparently how much he would sweat in it if he were to don it for the day.

-Even though pretty much every morning when my mom asks my dad how she looks, he comes up with a really random and offensive thing to say, like, "That skirt is the exact color of squamulous lichen," he came through here with a sharp insight and a thumbs-up for the most perfect dress in the world. Go Dad!

-My little brother is obsessed with disturbing farm animal analogies.

-The men now take requests. If you find something you'd like them to weigh in on, email me a picture, grow a thick skin, and tune in for the next FMFFI! As always, you can reach me at daddylikeyblog@gmail.com

p.s. Thanks Candid and Femmey (that's my new pet name for you) for the inspiration.