Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Five Men's Fashion First Impressions: The Comeback

Today's installment of FMFFI goes out to Connie, who was kind enough to send me an email requesting the return of the Five Men (I don't really know why they had a little hiatus--maybe cuz they all have major attitudes and kept telling me to "Go away! I'm not feeling witty right now! I need some Tums!") and alerting me to the existence of these boots:

Duccio Del Duca, $259 down from $650, bluefly.com

Umm...er...well...jesus...I think I'll just let the men take it from here. They were all quite chatty (and vitriolic) tonight. I probably shouldn't have told them about the whole "adoring fans" thing. They've turned into divas. Anyway:


The Boyfriend, who, to his credit, had been up for twenty hours straight: (Eyes widen) What the hell? Wait...What is that? Is that fur on the front? (Makes a few sad puns about lion feet) Can you just make it funny for me?

The Father: Are these real? Is this real? (Points to the fur, suspicious) The photo looks doctored here...(I assure him that the picture is indeed real) They look like somebody put them together with a glue gun and gave 'em to Goodwill. They're just ugly and dumb, with an emphasis on "dumb."

Brother, age 17: First thought? The bear shoes they make in The Edge, starring Anthony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin.

Brother, age 11: It looks like someone pasted a bunch of rotten popcorn onto a piece of leather and put a piece of wood on it to make it a shoe...I'm not quite sure how to phrase that.

Brother, age 20: Many problems here--I don't know where they got that fur but it still has blood and dirt on it. Maybe they should clean it before putting it on some shoes. Plus it is obviously from a rat. Also, I really don't appreciate having a fall/winter item posted for June. But anyway, personally I wouldn't go for the low top and the tall heel (especially this season). I would choose a smaller heel for a sportier look and a different leather cut. Overall: Zero out of Ten for being worthless shit

Okay, then.

Thanks Connie!

11 comments:

shrinkykitten said...

Brother 20 is spot on!

When I first saw these, I thought they were embellished with moldy cheese (like bleu cheese - but with black mold).

Jamie said...

Brother, age 20 has become quite the fashion connoisseur! And this is gold: "Brother, age 11: It looks like someone pasted a bunch of rotten popcorn onto a piece of leather and put a piece of wood on it to make it a shoe...I'm not quite sure how to phrase that."

Hilarious as always! I'm looking forward to the next installment!

Connie said...

Hurrah for FMFFI! Excellent post, with all the necessary unexpected opinions.

Here's what my brother (age 11) had to say:
"They look like those beaver hats -WHOA, dude, are those heads? [of what?] Cougar. Ummm, ummm, Leopard."

At first I thought he was crazay but when you look closely at the hind boot in the photo, the bottom portion of the fur DOES bear an eerie resemblance to some kind of large feline head.

Wow.

Maddy said...

I like that last one. "Zero out of ten for being worthless shit". I'm gong to be saying that a lot from now on.

Candid Cool said...

the 20 year old is quite particular!

QueenMichelle said...

Brother age 20 needs to get his own column! He sounds like a straight Marc from Ugly Betty!

Ana said...

I think i have a cyber crush on your 20 year old brother(shhhh, don't tell my husband)!

I love your FMFFI blogs, they're hilarious!

Jess said...

"The Boyfriend, who, to his credit, had been up for twenty hours straight: (Eyes widen) What the hell? Wait...What is that? Is that fur on the front? (Makes a few sad puns about lion feet) Can you just make it funny for me?"
That's definitely Nick....haha nice. I love these, they're all so witty.
Jessica

Emma said...

I have nothing to say, because your men have said it all. Brother Age 11 is right on the money. As is Brother 17.

applediva said...

Boots look "special". All of the men are co-rrect. I think the boots were made for Prince.

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