Martin's Dream

Reader Pam found this pillow online and automatically thought of a certain someone:

Maybe you could spray it with metallic paint and then it would be almost pornographic for Martin?

Salvor Fauna raccoon pillow, $48, here.

Reader Question: Hott Boots for Cold Days

Dear Winona,
I have a serious problem. Winter is coming, and although I love the snow, I have no cute boots to wear in it. It seems like Uggs are the only option these days, but they just aren't my style, and I'd prefer something a little different, a little more "Winona-esque" if you will. Do you have any winter boot ideas for a New England college girl on a budget?
Signed,
No Doubt Aboot It

Dear No Doubt,

I have actually been having this same dilemma (except the New England part--I live many miles from New England, but I so enjoy your clam chowder). Winter boots are so tough, and I think that's partly because fashion magazines print things like this:

The perfect all-weather footwear for traversing the urban arctic!

After seeing hundreds of editorials insisting that suede stilettos are perfectly good blizzard attire, even the most wary of us can get sucked in and start thinking, "Vogue and InStyle are right! What am I doing running around in these sensible, flat, cleated ice boots when I could be strutting my stuff in some sexy D&G heels?"

But we must resist this dangerous propaganda! The cold (heh heh), hard truth is that icy, snowy, slippery winters call for embracing function over fashion (my dad would be so proud of me right now), which is code for "some of the following boots will be ugly."

Like these:

They're not leopard print, they don't have a heel, they sort of look like they need a bikini wax, but these babies will keep you warm, dry, and upright. I think they'd be pretty damn cute with some thick black leggings, a slouchy sweater dress, and a warm coat.
The North Face 'Nuptse' Faux Fur Boot, $99, nordstrom.com

Although the bottom half of this pair is reminiscent of the shoes my mom used to wear for 1980's gardening, I find their dorkiness quite charming, and plan to purchase a pair myself, tuck in some skinny jeans, throw on a giant puffy jacket, and just OWN it.
Sorel Joan of Arctic Boot, $99, amazon.com or nordstrom.com

I'd suggest going to an outdoor store to find more functional, ugly boots at lower prices. My brother owns a clunky pair of camouflage fishing boots he got for $30 that I would have stolen from him by now if his feet weren't fifteen sizes bigger than mine. (Ah, to have a sister...)

Another option that is actually very cute are flat riding boots:

I have a pair almost exactly like this, and I wear them all the time. They're obviously not as warm as their puffy, fuzzy counterparts, but layer thick socks underneath and you'll be toasty and chic. I like to wear mine with black tights and bright pink wool socks that peek out above the top. I also get great pleasure from knowing that, if the need arose, I could effectively command a horse.
Naturalizer crissa, $129, naturalizer.com

This style is pretty popular right now, so check out department store sales for good deals.

I was finishing up this post while sitting at Starbucks with my friend Lyndsey of You're Gonna Need to Write This One Down fame (I know what you're thinking: "Two bloggers of your caliber can just sit in a coffeeshop in broad daylight without being mobbed by fans?" And the answer is of course not, we're wearing disguises), and I asked her for winter boot ideas. "Moonboots!" she said.

"Nope," I told her, "the girl who wrote the email doesn't like Uggs."

"Neither do I," she said. "I hate Uggs but I love Moonboots."

I hadn't even considered this, as I put the two in the same category, but I suppose it's one of those a-square-is-a-rhombus-but-a-rhombus-is-not-a-square things (that was probably wrong, because I never thought I'd use geometry in everyday life--pay attention, kids!).

And so, I present to you, the rhombus of footwear, the Moonboot:

Good god these are rad. Definitely "Winona-esque." And "Lyndsey-esque" too, as an added bonus.
Technica Moonboot, $129, amazon.com

How to Avoid Work for 39 Seconds on a Lazy Friday

Watch my cousin thoroughly piss off his garbage man:

High Fashion Haiku: The $1600 Jumpsuit

You know it's bad when
even the mannequin looks
embarrassed in it.

Stella McCartney Fine Knit Jumpsuit, $1595 (total. steal.), netaporter.com

Things You Don't Get To Do in Smalltown, Oregon

"I petted Mike & Chris jackets today!"
~My BFF Rachel, recent LA transplant

Mmmm...Mike & Chris...this one's $900. I'd be too scared to pet it.

Blogback Mountain

My home manicure strategy is pretty much dipping my fingers in the jar of color and hoping for the best. God I'm a loser. Sweet Fancy Treat has some better advice.

Peajai has a rad new feature: plus-size versions of celebrity fashions.

I sort of love this.

Kori made herself some badass gloves.

So, how many times have you been chased by a gang of bad guys, and eluded them by posing as a mannequin in a shop window? All the damn time, right? I know. Me too. It's annoying. Well, if you'd like a little variety, now you can pose as a coke machine!

These have got to be the coolest pants I've ever seen in my whole life.

And finally, if you didn't hate the post below, check this out.

When You Put It On..Something Happens

Never thought I'd be as cool as Anthony Geary, but here I am:


All it took to join the club was five bucks and a lucky trip to Goodwill. My life may never be the same.

Note to self: Frizzy mullet and rapist mustache increase cool factor exponentially. Must attain this look.

Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey: Round Two!

That's right, it's time for another installment of Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey! If you have been a good little reader you know how this goes. If you're new, or don't pay very close attention, or got hit in the head with a frying pan since you last read the blog and have yet to get hit in the head with another one, thus regaining your memory, then you can click here for the grand intro and explanation.

Here's the quick version: Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey is when I take a sampling of the Google searches that brought people to my blog, and recast them, verbatim, as submissions to an extremely dysfunctional and unhelpful advice column. Read on, and maybe you'll get it (reader searches in bold italics; my responses below):

Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey

"forgot to put on pants"
Haven't we all?

can a woman over the age of 40 wear booties with tights?
Hell yes! Rock those tights and booties, girlfriend! (As long as they're not these booties.)

i work for lush
Lil' discount, please? Unless you mean you work for a drunk, in which case, I'm sorry, that's gotta be rough.

"sitting down in a mini skirt"
Ah yes, a difficult task indeed. I've sort of resigned myself to the fact that everyone in Oregon (and parts of Washington) has seen or is going to see my lady bits as I clumsily take my seat. Let's reframe this issue and talk about buying cute underwear. Like these.

clinton kelly gay?

I didn't want to believe it, either.

things in a woman's purse
Here's mine. But I don't think that's really normal.

gave myself a stupid haircut
Listen, once I paid a lady at a place that was actually called The Hack 'n Wack to cut my hair, and I walked out with a rat tail. I would have much rather given myself a bad haircut, because at least then I could have saved my $15 for cheer-up ice cream. Buy yourself some Ben and Jerry's. Everything will be fine.

vera wang collection at kohls sucks
I completely and totally agree.

what happened to girlshop.com?
My mom told me that Girlshop went to live on a big farm where it would be happy. Why? Did you hear something different??

a picture of a perfect life
How about this:

(I so wish this were real, but my brother made it for me.)

"torture chamber" "high heel"
Your diction and shameless exaggeration remind me of someone...hmm...who could it be?...oh yeah! Me! Want to be friends?

how to tie your shoes gangster style?
OK. Dude. You know what? It seems like approximately half of all Google searches are some form of gangster how-to, and that ain't right. Here's a good rule of thumb: If you gots to Google it, you ain't gangster. Just be yourself, homie.

what shoes do mice wear
Well...that is a good question, indeed. My friend Meg works in a mice lab; she'll know. Meg, wanna take that one?

ways to fool cashiers
I'd try the old "Look! Over there!" line, and then laugh at them when they look, because there was nothing over there! Silly cashiers!

a haiku about chlamydia
Well, I guess I could throw something together. Let's see...

Chlamydia: it
can cause burning and discharge
or show no symptoms.

...Aaaaannnd I think that's a good place to end it*.

*By "it" I mean my writing career.

A Slippery Slope

You know how stupid people say that if we let gay people get married, pretty soon people will be marrying their dogs?

Well, a part of me hopes they're right, because I totally want to marry these gloves:

Michael Kors Quilted Leather Gloves, $50 (on hella sale), bluefly.com

Operation Decoration

My boyfriend and I just signed the lease on our first apartment! It's a gorgeous, spacious condo in one of my favorite neighborhoods right across the street from his work and I am SO excited. Excited to move in with my boyfriend, take the next step, blah blah blah, sure, but mostly I'm excited to decorate! (Sorry, Nick.)

You see, the room I currently inhabit is the same one I've had since I was born, and the same one that hasn't been redecorated since I was 13 (yes, my walls are still covered in Steven Madden ads). My freshman year of college, I moved into the dorms with three female roommates (and when I say "three female roommates," I mean, "three evil harpies"), but after my self-esteem was thoroughly drained, I moved back home and decided I was never going to leave. I did end up going to Hawaii for a semester with my brother and my boyfriend, but we lived in a condo that didn't even allow us to straighten a picture frame. So yeah, the interior decorating of my life has been stagnant for ten years (that sentence came out really intense, whoa).

Which is why I've forsaken my textbooks (I'm sure my professors will understand), and spent my first month's rent on a stack of design magazines as tall as I am. Blogs about interior design and art have suddenly become relevant and interesting to me, and Etsy is my new BFF.

I love funky, eclectic decor and pop art (Dharma's apartment on Dharma & Greg was and is my vision of perfection), so of course I had to have these Keith Haring wall decals I saw on Kingdom of Style:

$18, here.

And, again something I saw on the Kingdom (I swear I don't buy everything they tell me to, although if I did I would be exceptionally chic...and poor), this reproduction of a British WWII-era poster that was hung in the streets and meant to make the populace feel better during those pesky air raids:

I plan to hang it near my front door to make my friends feel better for having to leave my cozy apartment and head out into the rain.
About $7, here.

A Cup of Jo is another blog with which I've been borderline obsessed as I prepare for Operation Decoration. I've liked the site for a long time, but without my own place to decorate, Joanna's posts about chic design and affordable art had sadly been like those articles in US Weekly about how to get Jessica Simpson's ass: interesting and entertaining, yes, but not a reality in my life. Now, however, I've been scouring her archives with great delight. Homegirl's got maaaaaddd taste!

For example, this print:

$30, here.

And check out the article she wrote about affordable art. Lord knows I'm gonna sheep it up and buy some of her suggestions.

Over in Etsyland, my favorite find so far is this pillow, which will probably cause my mom to never visit me, but come on, it's our dear leader and Jesus, together at last!:

I know you're judging me right now, but I ask you to look deep inside your heart and admit it: you've never seen anything this cool.
$24, here.

The place is ours in a couple weeks, so expect lots of pictures and a whole new realm of Daddy Likey dedicated to design. In the meantime, please give a shout-out to your favorite design blogs, magazines, websites, etc. (don't be shy to plug your own!) in the comments section, or share your favorite sites/stores for rad home goods. Filling my walls shall be a collaborative effort!

Effective and Portable Means of Self-Defense:

Pepper Spray:

Pocket Knife:

Brass Knuckles:


Louboutins:

Christian Louboutin Ariella Studded Boots, $1150 (if you're on a budget, spring for the pocket knife), netaporter.com

A Tale of Two Commoners and a Scottish Queen

Short conversation between my friend Laila and me sparked by a scene in The Philadelphia Story where Katherine Hepburn appears in a pair of fabulous breeches:

Me: (Sighing dreamily) Can you believe Queen Michelle can pull those off?
Laila: Oh my god, I know! She really is quite amazing.

See photographic evidence here:

And here. And here. And here.

Queeny, we are not worthy.

Reader Advice: How Do I Wear the Cutest Boots Ever?

Dear Winona,
I recently inherited (from a living relative, don't worry) a gorgeous pair of burgundy riding boots. They look something like this, but in mint condition and redder:

The only thing is: what the hell do I wear with them? They're way sexy for school, so how do I tone them down but without looking like I'm about to jump on a horse? Help!
Thanks!
Hannah

Dearest Hannah,
First of all, sweet mother of jesus you have the best living relatives ever! My grandma got me a dieting book once and I thought that was good. But anyway, I adore riding boots and wear my black ones to bed every night because I can't bear to part with them. I've been looking for a pair this color for awhile, and therefore am almost too overcome with jealousy to write this post.

But I will for you, dear Hannah.

My very favorite (and quite specific) styling for riding boots is to pair them with thick textured tights, a girly dress, and a baggy cardigan. Depending on each specific piece you use with this look, it can be really funky and casual or dressed up.

For example, start with this dress:

Soda Blu Bubble Dress, $72 (15% off with the coupon in the sidebar!), janescloset.com

Add these tights:

MP ribbed cotton tights, $32, sockdreams.com (if you're on a budget, similar styles are available for less at Target, Nordstrom Rack, etc)

And top it off with a slouchy comfy sweater like this one:

I can't guarantee that this cardigan will look as cute over a dress and tights as it does over a naked hipster, but we can hope.
Solid Rib Oversized Long Pocket Cardigan, $38, American Apparel

If your style is a little more boho, try the same combination with a dress like this:

Welcome to Adorableville!
40's Caplet Dress, on sale for $30, urbn.com

If that idea still feels too dressy, tuck some tight jeans into your boots and wear something on top that's casual and comfy. For fall and winter, a cute hoodie or a baggy sweater (have you picked up on my latest obsession yet?) are perfecto.

Even my readers with cold black hearts have gotta admit that this would be so cute with jeans and burgundy riding boots:

Trees Hoodie, $44.50, delias.com

It doesn't get any better than a cozy men's sweater. Oh, unless it has stripes. And is on sale.
University Stripe Merino Crewneck Sweater, on sale for $50, jcrew.com

Godspeed, my lucky, fabulous-booted friend!

Guest Post: My Extremely Modest Seventeen-Year-Old Brother Discovers Conditioner

When my brother came out of the bathroom running his hands through his hair and gasping, "Whatever was in that blue bottle...changed my life," I knew I had to get him to write a post about it. Here's his humble thesis:

My once-weekly shower is consistently a bleak affair. I peel off the layers of pungent moist clothing, usually falling into the door jumping out of my pants or pulling an extremely tight shirt off my rippling muscles, inciting an "are you o.k. in there?," from outside. I get in and carry out an all-too-drab routine that drags on too long (there is a lot to clean if you get my drift, ladies) and am always left wanting something more.

Well, today I got something more. After washing out the shampoo from the bright orange bottle, I was disappointed as usual by the coarse texture that I was left with. I knew I had to counteract the first shampoo with something chemically completely different, and like vinegar to a bee sting so was the blue bottle to the orange. I lathered up my hair and went to town, immediately feeling the silkiness of my hair return. Getting out of the shower I ran both my hands through my lustrous locks in a manner that would make Christian Bale in American Psycho proud.

Something changed in me tonight. That blue bottle's contents served as an elixir of youth and vitality, giving me a much needed boost to tackle another obstacle. Plus, I look even more like Robert Downey Jr. when I have well conditioned hair.

[Editor's note: "blue bottle"=Clairol Nice'n Easy ColorSeal Conditioning Gloss, $3-$5, drugstores]

[Editor's note, redux: Personally, I wasn't all that wild about this stuff. It left my hair more greasy than lustrous. But hundreds of thousands of women and my brother disagree, and it's cheap as hell, so you don't have much to lose if you give it a try. And who knows? Maybe it will make you look like Robert Downey Jr.]

Blogback Mountain

Find out why I'm always slightly intimidated when I hang out with my friend Lydia.

Daddy Likey reader Daiane has started her own blog, Sweet Fancy Treat. Send some encouragement her way, or give her advice on how to celebrate Carrie Bradshaw's birthday.

To borrow a phrase from the dumbest boys in my high school class: Ambika freakin' scoooorrred at the antique mall last weekend.

Gala has tips for a great resume. Note to self: Apply for job as head writer of The Office.

Amber at Painfully Hip shares my view on eyeglasses: giant+nerdy=hott (I used to hate people who spelled "hot" with two Ts, but now it seems that I'm singlehandedly keeping the fad going).

And finally, everyone should bother my friend Lyndsey so she'll start posting again, damnit!

Martin on Sound Investments

I found a quarter on the ground today. If I found 3,799 more, I would buy this bag:

Rock & Republic Metallic Olive Zipper Hobo, $950, eluxury.com

XOXO,
Martin

Don't Show-cha Your Chocha: I'm Not Dead Edition

OK, OK, I didn't actually die and go to heaven, although the figure of speech provided an extremely convenient excuse for my failure to blog (not to be confused with Failure to Launch--there was no excuse for that). In reality, I'm taking a memoir writing class that's totally kicking my ass, and making me write a whole bunch of stuff that isn't fashion blogs.

I think that, in order to make up for my irresponsible prioritizing, a Saturday installment of Don't Show-cha Your Chocha is in order! Let's just dive right in:

The lovely Binny explains her submission: I came across this while on ebay in my search for knee high stiletto boots....yeah, don't ask.

The oldest fashion advice in the book: When your hand is the only thing between your private region and the world, put on pants.

Next up, an awesome find from ShopBop, the shopping site that keeps DSYC thriving:

Cate's description is priceless: Her expression seems to indicate that a stiff breeze just invaded the studio where they're shooting, chilling areas never chilled before.

Oh my god, I love this one (also from Shopbop...):

So, this dress has an adjustable hem. If you're having an exhibitionist type of day, just zip off the yellow part and off you (and your modesty) go! Says Folu, who found this gem: The caption on the website says it's "Statement Making Chic," and it's obvious it really poses more of a question: "How much do you want to show-cha your chocha?"

This dress prompted Claire to create a delightful High Fashion Haiku/Don't Show-cha Your Chocha hybrid:

Were this dress shorter
This poor girl would be exposed
Models, I'm sorry.

In keeping with that theme, and perhaps expanding on it to include, "Fashion show audiences, I'm sorry," behold this Marc Jacobs creation:

Natasha sums it up: Can you imagine the view from the front row?

And last but not least, Betty sent me a link to this post, which definitely had me saying, "Model, I'm sorry." (Not safe for work--a chocha was show-chaed.)

Send me your DSYC finds! daddylikeyblog@gmail.com

To Put It Eloquently: OMG! OMG! OMG!

I just bought tickets to the Spice Girls concert in Vegas! If posting on the blog ends abruptly, it's because I've died and gone to heaven.

Now, where can I find some platform sneakers?

Chase Away the Memory

Just in case you hated those mouse shoes...

J. Renee "Tom" Flat, $90, nordstrom.com

Thanks Taylor!

Five Men's Fashion First Impressions: This Fits On a Person?

Today's subject is this extremely intriguing $1500 Missoni, um, belt:

I've been obsessed with this thing since I first saw it in Queen Marie's fabulously funny post, and I knew it would confuse the hell out of the men.

And yeah, it did:

Brother, age 12: OK. First off, what is it?
Me: It's a belt.
Brother, age 12: Whoa. I think...goth...rivets...modern art....torture device....

The Father: Holy shit! (Long pause, followed by unconstrained laughter) Well, there ought to be a whole other branch of fashion called Futile Fashion. The Frank Lloyd Wright thing of form follows function has really been ignored [editor's note: my dad has lectured me on this every day since I was born]. That's really bizarre. How much is it?
Me: Fifteen hundred.
Father: Holy shit!

The Boyfriend: Oh wow. What is that supposed to be? (Looks at the title that says "leather lattice belt" and assumes a knowing tone) Ah, a lah-teece belt. Well, it looks like an S&M toy.

Brother, age 17: WHAT THE FUCK. I don't know, I get an erector set vibe...commercial fishing vibe...
(Leaves the room, returns 5 minutes later)
Brother, age 17: What was that, anyway?
Me: A belt.
Brother, age 17: Whaattt?

Brother, age 20: I don't know what to say. This fits on a person?
Me: It's a belt.
Brother, age 20: Ummm...but, it's not a belt. I've never seen anything like this. I'm confounded.


p.s. If you are more enamored than confounded, and are also Bill Gates, the belt is available here.

Last Chance!

Think I've forgotten about the Junior High Fashion Confessions contest just because I haven't mentioned it in like a year? No way, silly! Contests are like cheese; they must sit in a dark, moist room until they start to smell.

If you haven't voted yet, DO IT, because I'm closing the polls tonight at midnight. Cate's silk Animaniacs boxers are currently pushing her toward victory, but the margin is slim enough that it could be anyone's game.

I'll write a more complete post a bit later today. It's 3 AM and that's when the cheese analogies start to sneak out of the Swiss-like recesses of my mind.

UPDATE: CONGRATULATIONS CATE! You've held onto your lead and won the most prestigious honor IN THE WORLD. Send me an email with your address so I can get your sweet gift pack rollin'. Thanks so much to everyone who entered. Your stories were hilarious, poignant, priceless.