Tuesday, March 25, 2008

How To Clothe A Kenyan In Two Months

Dear Daddy Likey,

My boyfriend is a Kenyan who loves his clothes. He lives in Kenya, and is a poor NGO worker with virtually no clothing budget. I'm going to visit him in two months, and he asked me to bring him brown boots and a new pair of jeans. Although I love reading your blog, I'm not a big shopper, so I thought you might be able to point me in the right direction for some awesome boots and jeans that are great quality and look amazing on my uber-hot boyfriend (and hopefully won't break the bank for me!). Can you help?

How To Clothe A Kenyan in Two Months

Dear How To Clothe A Kenyan,

My dad is one of those people who, if questioned about his ethnic heritage, will regale you for hours with stories of his ancestry. "But my great great grandparents were Scotch-Irish-Mexican," he'll say, "and ay caramba, if they ever met a potato haggis burrito they didn't like!"

What does this have to do with your stylish boyfriend, you may ask? Well, by the time my dad finishes building these verbal family trees, he has claimed roots in basically every country in the world. One day, I swore I heard a fleeting mention of Kenya (OK, OK, it
might have been "Black Irish," but still), and informed my mom, who thought this was hilarious, because my dad is arguably the whitest man alive. Now, in addition to "Big White" and "Mildly Peeved Dog," his stable of nicknames includes the simple but effective "The Kenyan."

So basically, I feel extraordinarily qualified to answer your question. My Kenyan father's go-to outfit includes Carhartt dungarees, suspenders, and a witty message tee...so actually that doesn't help at all. Damnit.

My dad is one sassy Kenyan.

Let's start over. I believe your man is in dire need of some Frye boots. Frye boots are the best things ever invented (take that, iPhone! Or, like, lightbulb...). They are sex-ay and durable and versatile. Unfortunately, buying them at full price may cause your bank account to go all Bear Stearns on you (Ooohhhhh!! Too soon?), so I suggest you start an Ebay search for a used pair.

This is a good idea for two reasons:
1. They will be hella cheap.

2. Like a fine wine or the movie
Cradle 2 the Grave, Frye boots only get better with age. Therefore, your boyfriend won't have to take time off from saving the world to break them in. The world needs a lot of saving right now, so this is a huge plus.

Here's a pair of Frye motorcycle boots (my personal favorite style for guys) for $25:

Unfortunately, this particular auction is ending in five hours, but you get the idea. I'm sure if you search "Frye Men's Boots" a few more times in the next couple weeks, your diligence will pay off.

As for the jeans, I've gotta be kind of boring here and recommend good ol' Levis. My non-Kenyan boyfriend has a couple pairs that he's worn nearly every day for two years, and they still look great.

Here, a model deftly displays the perfect pairing of Levis and brown boots:

I personally love a dark wash with some fading like this, but as long as you stay away from the powder-blue tapered style favored by my 9th grade biology teacher, Mr. Beeson, you should be fine (while you're at it, maybe stay away from Mr. Beeson's whole look--those eyeball-magnifying coke bottle glasses were quite disconcerting as well). Look for a slim bootcut to accommodate his hott new boots.

Levi's are available everywhere, but they're often plentiful on those delightful Macy's clearance racks where it's 75% off the original 40% off with an extra 50% off and so on until you take your purchase to the counter and they're like, "We owe you five dollars for these jeans."

Buy yourself an Orange Julius with the profits. You deserve it.

Anyone else have suggestions for affordable brown boots? And while we're at it, what are your favorite kind of jeans on a guy?


Ali said...

I like guys in jeans with a straightish leg and slight bootcut - not too skinny, not too baggy. it makes them look taller! although if the boy is kenyan, looking taller probably isnt a huge priority. I like those boots, you could also try searching for RM Williams or Blundstone if you want him to look like a good aussie country boy!

Mindy said...

For the boots, I would suggest going to Zappos. If you see something there you like, Froogle search the make and name of the boot and you'll most likely find it somewhere else for much cheaper. I'd stick with Levis as well. A good pair of Levis will last a long time.

Anonymous said...

my boyfriend also has a pair of levis that he has worn for as long as we've beeen together (2+ years) even though when we go shopping he claims to hate them. He swears by Diesel which he only buys at an outlet in south america, but they do last forever if you're able to drop that kind of cash/find a ridiculous sale.

Katie said...

You crack me up!!

Paige said...

Oh my god I love your dad

Anonymous said...

Nyenje yathire kwenja nyenje, igikora nyenje ni nyenje ni nyenje nyenje.

Kikuyu tongue twister


Alice's Blog said...

for boots try www.estye.com They may have some vintage men's boots avail. I know the selection for women's boots is pretty large.
www.activeendeavors.com has some steep markdowns on men's jeans but sizes are limited
For cheap jeans/t-shirts you can always try H&M and other affordable retailers. Oh, and Urban Outfitters usually has good sales

Sara said...

I think for men, the Levi's 517 style are the best. They come in lengths and widths for the perfect fit and have a nice slight bootcut. They make my husband's butt look so good!

Sara Darling said...

good call on the frye boots. my dad has a pair that's approximately 40 years old; he's had them resoled probably 3-4 times but they're still going strong.

i'm also a big fan of chippewa boots, which are also extremely durable (i have a pair of engineer boots that are about 5 years ago, have been badly badly abused, and which i still expect to give my dad's frye boots a run for their money in the age department).

www.stompersboots.com is just generally an awesome boot site and i know they used to price match.

www.endless.com does free overnight shipping and has a pretty good selection of frye and chippewa boots, though their prices are hit or miss.

a side order of style said...

your dad is awesome, first of all. secondly, i prefer my boyfriend to be in straight-leg jeans in a wider-leg. not super baggy, but i`m not totally sold on the tight-jeans-on-a-guy look.
-jae, SOS

Anonymous said...

since when do oregonians use "hella"? just saying...
- an Oakland, CA native :-)

Barbara said...

Quit school,job or whatever and strike out as a writer(unless you are one of course). You are a scream(sorry to date myself) and are truly one gifted writer (as well as generous,but let's not get carried away). You belong on SNL (please,they need your talent) or writing for the likes of Tina Fey.But do continue your blog,I lurve it! Run to the opportunity that awaits you,and I am picky!

Anonymous said...

H&M's SLIQ jeans in the darkest they come.

Anonymous said...

I vote Nordstrom Rack for jeans, you can get 7forallmankind for 80-100 and probably check out the boot selection as well.

met said...

I feel the same way every time I get something in a Macy's sale. Last time I saved $170 and only spent $120. I definitly made money on that transaction!

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