Saturday, March 29, 2008

The High Price of Gas

I tried on a pair of Cole Haan wedge sandals at Marshalls yesterday--the kind with Nike Air Technology--and they were shockingly comfortable as well as super cute and affordable. So why did I not take them home with me and place them on a pedestal constructed of the sorry, melted remains of every inferior shoe I've ever owned?

Well, I'm afraid the Nike Air Technology was a little too airy--walking around the store, I sounded a hell of a lot like the infamous kid in my sixth grade class who once farted every step of the entire mile run. By the second lap, the whole class had abandoned our dreams of personal bests and lined up behind him to heckle and laugh.

I can only imagine wearing the Cole Haans on the streets of Portland, followed by a hysterical mob and whimpering, "It's the shoes! I swear! It's the Nike Air Technology! Really! They're cute though, right?"

So. Not. Worth. It.


paige said...


Bekahh said...

okay, soo..almost peed a little picturing the farting running boy!
but that's so sad about the shoes! maybe you should just start humming or whistling or something while you walk do drown out the noise of the shoes! they seem to cute and comfortable to just give up on!

Mindy said...

I bought a pair of Earth sandals through the internet once. Obviously they were not very attractive but they were so comfortable. My house is carpeted so it wasn't until I got to a store that I realized they made farty noises. Ugly and they make disgusting noises. Charming.

Christine said...

I once had a pair of adorable flats that had rubber on the bottom. The rubber tore, and I got the farting effect.
I'll admit, though, I liked the shoes so much that I put up with the noise for a last few wears.

design for mankind. said...

hahahhha... i love this!

lisa said...

Oohh that's so disappointing to hear! I saw an ad for these shoes in the March issue of Elle and all of a sudden the clouds in the sky parted and I heard an angel chorus. Too good to be true *sigh*

WendyB said...

I'm not convinced it was the shoes. Feel free to confess the truth!

susie_bubble said...

I do so love leaving squidgy noises in my trail....

cybill said...

I recently bought a pair of Pedro Garcia's that I couldn't afford and one of them farts - they were so expensive and I figure the farts are also designer that I put up with them.

N/OutofFashion said...

I have stupid feet, so even the comfiest of shoes hurt after 2 hours.

Bizzle said...

I'm having such an awful, horrible, no good day, so it's lovely to see that you always seem to update whenever I need a hit of witty the most.

Clearly someone should send Marvin over so I can bury my face in his fur and show him these these sequin-covered heels I bought at Goodwill last week.

Anonymous said...

Oh I know this one! I remember wearing shoes to work, and having to spend the entire day walking back and forth to the copier...and realizing they were making farting noises. Worse than any cordoroy squeaks. They went into the charity bin the next day, but then I felt guilty about that.

Teresa said...

I saw these Cole Haan shoes on Oprah and rejoiced. Prematurely I guess. I don't want people trailing after me thinking I have a case of bad gas.

Eli said...

But maybe they were defective, and thats why they were at Marshalls!

-h of candid cool said...


Iheartfashion said...

Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Sales Rack Raider said...

I saw a pair of those Cole Haan air technology flats at DSW a few weeks ago. They just looked...odd. The top of the shoe looks fine, but the sneaker-like sole just didn't go with it.

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