Woody Allen said, "I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland."
I have a similar response to the American Apparel website. I can't spend too much time on it or I start getting the urge to get a hipster haircut and splay myself out in contortionist softcore porn poses in my underwear in really ironic places, like the bathtub:
Or on the floor in a dirty hotel:
Or maybe in a public locker room shower:
Jesus, is that a subway station?
Conquering Poland actually sounds like way more fun. At least you can't get herpes that way.