Not everyone can be a cool kid.

When I first saw these pants, I loved them. LOVED them. I was struck by how cool the model looks in them. This picture is just her bottom half, but look what a cool, laid-back, effortlessly stylish bottom half it is! Don't you want to be this bottom half's friend, even though deep down you know that you would always be a little threatened by the bottom half's cool factor, and whenever you hung out together you'd feel a little fat, a little awkward, a little insecure, and therefore the friendship would never be that great but it would be worth it because we all still have a little junior high left in us and still enjoy a secret feeling of triumph when we get to hang out with the cool kids?


So, yeah, if you can't tell, I think these pants are pretty cool. I spent a long time staring at them and yearning for them and wishing I was someone who could buy $174 pants without batting an eye, but then it hit me: the laid-back cut, the gunmetal gray color, the ironically large elastic waistband--very cool on the tall, skinny, surely-popular-in-junior-high model, but on me? That's gonna be a big "no." As soon as you put short legs and a less-than-flat stomach in these babies, I'm guessing they turn from effortless chic to "Jeez, couldn't change out of your sweats before leaving the house, lazy ass?"

In short, I'm just not cool enough for these pants.

If you're a cool kid, you can buy the pants here. And maybe we could hang out sometime? Unless you're busy. Just a thought.