Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey!

I cannot believe the last installment of Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey was way back in October! I shall not let this happen again, believe me--keep an eye out for this feature monthly from this day forth!

Now, if you're an old hand here at Daddy Likey (have I mentioned before how I always screw up that saying and end up calling people "old hats" and then slowly backing away from them in the awkward, confused silence that follows?), you'll recall that Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey is a rare but popular recurring feature in which I take a sampling of the thousands of Google search terms that have led people to my blog, and respond to them as if the searchers were soliciting my advice, which they clearly were not.

If that made no sense to you, click here for a better explanation, and if you're an old hat (no offense), read on! (Search terms in bold italic; my responses below)

i have never loved anything
Well that's a downer. You don't even love this Monty Python sketch? I LOVE this Monty Python sketch:

how to go to the bathroom in a romper
Very carefully. And preferably you take off the romper first.

letter of goodwill
Here's a letter to Goodwill-close enough?

junior high short sonnet
Umm..OK, I'll give it my best shot, but it's been awhile since I've written in iambic pentameter:

When thinking of myself in middle school
I'm haunted by the dandruff, zits, and tears
And all the douchey boys that made me drool
Who haven't changed at all throughout the years.
O lord, I should have showered everyday,
And not been quite so crippled by self-doubt
But all the pain was worth it, yes, I say
because it gave me tons to write about

guy dies wrapping a sausage around his legs
Jesus, what a way to go.

how to make an albino peacock

How to make an albino peacock

You will need:
One normal peacock
White paint

Coat normal peacock with white paint. Tell everyone it is an albino peacock.

can i be a nudist if i have moles?
I'm thinking if you're so self-conscious about this that you're asking google for advice, maybe the nudism thing isn't for you.

pudenda wax
On the one hand, I find this phrase very upsetting. On the other, I think it would be a great name for a punk rock band.

how did Christina Aguilera stay so tan while pregnant?
Excellent question. My guess? She was pregnant with Neutrogena's baby.

who invented the hoodie?

Alexander Graham Bell. Duh.
(photoshop by my amazing little brother)

is it possible to touch your face with your hand?
I just spent hours trying, and I'm sorry to report it's absolutely not possible.

should i kill that house centipede?
My dad would say no. I would say YES.


Tara said...

Anyone who has never seen that Monty Python sketch/picture of Alexander Graham Bell in a hoodie is DEPRIVED. I take my (old) hat off to you!

Brittney said...

Man, I forgot what a hottie, Alexander Graham Bell was.

Also: I really really really really really really really want to hear the backstory about the guy who died wrapping sausage around his legs.


amanda said...

Someone was able to type "is it possible to touch your face with your hand?" but somehow lacked the ability to actually execute the act? Like, they simply could not just stare at their hand and move it closer and closer to their face so that it eventually made contact?

There are no words.

Apocalypstick said...

Alexander Graham Bell also invented National Geographic! For serious. Hoodies, the telephone, and gainful employment, yay!

-h said...

i always suspected it was Graham Bell...

Arlynn said...

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....... That's the sound I made when reading this.

Especially after the face/hand inquiry.

: - ) Awesomeosity.

Sal said...

So THAT'S how albino peacocks are made.

Lesley Denford said...

Maybe the guy who couldn't touch his face with his hand didn't have a hand? Or a face? That's about the only explanation I can come up with.

PS. You are a FREAKIN' RIOT, Miss Winona. :)

fashion herald said...

pudenda wax, ewww! and owww, too.

chic said...

I think you are hilarious and am so glad I found your blog - it is the perfect mid-morning pick me up! -A

Libby said...

Ouch. My stomach hearts from laughing so hard.

lisa said...

Thank you for this, really! My day began as kind of a downer and I really needed this to pick me up. :-)

KD said...


The Haute-Shopper said...

Wow, the Google search words I get are pretty 'normal' compared to yours! (my strangest one was 'creatiing a red light district bakery'... must be code for something). Thanks for the albino peacock instructions... been looking everywhere for that ;-)

WendyB said...

I'm heading out to catch a peacock right now!

TheSundayBest said...

Since I'm an old hand here all this was old hat for me, and I loved it.

That is a terrible, terrible, and weird way to die.

Rhandi said...

True story: until I read this very insallment of Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey, I always thought it was "old hat" too. I stand corrected. Mortified... and corrected.

Manda said...

Hehe, I like the one about the albino peacock best. Do you think it works on other types of birds too?

Caroline said...

So it's really not "old hat" eh? Hrm...that explains a few things.

Allison said...

I'm totally a lurker, but decided to come out of the shadows just to comment on the sausage wrapping death...

Thanks for making me fill my boring cubicle with laughter this morning!

saturdayjane said...

Hehe, 'can you touch your face with your hand'.


It takes YEARS of training.

Mishabelle said...

For those who haven't searched it themselves already, as far as I've been told, the man who died from tying a sausage to his leg was trying to make himself look "bigger" for a night at the bar... so he strapped a kielbasa sausage to his thigh with surgical tubing. Apparently it was working well and he was dancing with many ladies until he collapsed... the tubing was tied so tight that it caused a blood clot to form in an artery and he died. Ew? Haha I actually heard that from some people in my class... interesting.

Emcee Morgan said...

Now that I know what a house centipede looks like I'm ready to surrender myself to what will surely be the human race's next overlord. A couple of inches longer and I'm pretty sure we should all just give up and call it a good game-- dear God, those things are scary.

saturdayjane said...


Wow, you gotta wonder what he expected to happen when his plan worked and he got a lady back home to his bedroom.


"I've been had!"

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