Thursday, July 09, 2009

Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey!

That's right, it's time once again for Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey!, in which I scour the thousands of Google search terms that have recently led people to my blog and respond to a handful of them in a helpful Q&A format. If you'd like a slightly less confusing explanation, click here, and if not, read on (as always--search terms--verbatim--in bold italics, and my responses below):

Where the fuck can I buy sally hansen airbrush makeup?

Heeeeyyyy now! I think the real question here is "why so angry?" And why are you taking it out on Google? I suggest you spend some time with a therapist exploring your childhood to figure out those answers (perhaps a search engine stole your favorite toy in kindergarten?), and after that you can focus on the airbrush makeup, which, by the way, is in stock at the Walgreens down the street from my house. I'd be happy to send you some.

banana boobs muffin top bubble butt tubes
That is one of the most upsetting strings of words I've ever encountered.

awesome mouse house

So, I called my little brother Bob at 10 o'clock last night and said, "Hey, Bob, can you make me a picture of an 'awesome mouse house'?" An hour later he sent me this:

Yep, I'd say that's pretty awesome.

can i feel on your chocha
Absolutely not. But since I'm an exceedingly nice person, I've composed a list of pick-up lines for you that are better than "can i feel on your chocha":
can old people become hairdressers?
I believe so, yes.

conversation between apple and shoe

Ummm, if you insist...

custom funny pants

These are pretty funny.

how should a 40 year old man dentist dress?
Hmm...I would probably go with the classic green or blue scrubs, accented with some tasteful eyeglass frames and perhaps a necklace made of bloody human teeth.

badass boyfriend quiz
If you can answer "yes" to at least 3 of the following 5 questions, your boyfriend is probably a badass:

1. Does your boyfriend ride a motorcycle?
Does your boyfriend own a t-shirt that is bedazzled with the word "BADASS"?
3. When a condom falls out of your boyfriend's wallet in front of your evangelical minister father, does he say "oops," but in a sarcastic manner?
4. Has your boyfriend perfected the lean-against-a-wall-while-smoking-and-squinting-into-the-distance pose?
5. If your life were to be made into a movie, would your boyfriend be played by Shane West?

Now that's what I call a badass.

does Kroger sell sexual lubricant?
They surely do--I can vouch for that personally, because I once bought some for the least sexy reason ever.

gay porn cards for fathers day

This sounds like the best Father's Day ever.

i'm fasting and i'm hungry :(
Man, that's gotta suck. I've never gone more than two hours without eating, so I can't exactly relate, but, yeah, wow. BRB, I need some chocolate-covered almonds.

how spanx came to exist?
Oh child, you haven't heard the good news?

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth had no form. It was empty, covered with darkness and water. Then the Spirit of God hovered over the water, and God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good.

Then He divided the light from the darkness. God called the light “Spanx,” and the darkness he called “satin bridesmaid dress.” And God saw that Spanx was good. Very, very good.

who are the shopbop models?

They are thin, pretty, and either very brave, or very foolish. Check out the saggy diaper dress pictured in the post below, and you decide.

p.s. Thanks to JessieB for reminding me that an installment of Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey was long past due!


Liza said...

OMG! Can't breathe...laughing...too...hard!

Shannon said...


I think a week without inadvertently ask Daddy Likey is too long. I've gotten some weird ass google searches lately. Note to random population: You do NOT have to type things into google in the form of a question!

Claire said...

AMAZING. Mine are never that good, I clearly need to get myself some more interesting stories on the blog!

WendyB said...

You've outdone yourself.
And I want to move into the mouse house. It's way nicer than my apartment.

Anonymous said...

Ummm...I just guffawed loudly and awkwardly several times---seemingly randomly to my coworkers at my super professional job. Well odone.

Rosie Unknown said...

Well, thanks for the badass boyfriend quiz, since my imaginary boyfriend is totally up to snuff.

The Townhouselady said...

I feel like I have the stoner laugh. My gut and jaw are hurting I'm laughing so hard.


Anonymous said...

Best edition yet! I'm HOWLING.

Also "banana boobs muffin top bubble butt tubes"? SERIOUSLY? That's one that makes you want to call up The Google and say, "Listen, The Google, why are you sending someone with this lunatic search string to ME?"

FutureLint said...

people are sooooo strange... and you are hilarious, as always!

Pret a Porter P said...

i love the shoe & the apple!! LOL!

daddylikeyblog said...

I'll see how much my brother would charge to make a human-size model of the mouse house for you, Mr. B, and the dogs.

Hahah that's what I like to hear!

Townhouse Lady--
Eeep! This post gave you the stoner laugh? SO PROUD. :)

Now if only The Google would take my calls...

amanda said...

Oh my God, the Spanx creation story made me snort rice through my nose!
Note to self: reading Daddy Likey while eating may be hazardous to your health.

Lisa said...

Ah, I was grinning in anticipation when I saw you tweet about "gay porn cards for fathers day" and this edition didn't disappoint! Too funny.

Becky said...

I found your blog in the comments section of Already Pretty, and I may or may not have spent the last hour reading it. Annnnd I've added you to my blogroll! I look forward to seeing your updates on the regular.

JessieB said...

Yay for IADL!! I think banana boobs, etc could be a new expletive. Like when I drop something, I could shout That Phrase.

Katy said...

YES! I was just wondering in the shower yesterday when I would read some new questions offered up by misguided souls on your blog. And they are hilarious! I actually saw someone wearing those funny pants once, in Soho.

Phloem said...

It has been decided
I'm living in the cheese house with the mice.

MissAmy said...

Every installment of "Inadvertantly" makes me love you all the more. Sigh... XOXO, MissAmy

Queen Michelle said...

You've just made my mascara run. I love this section! I love you!

echidna girl said...

Wonderful mouse house! They can always chew more windows for added light and air.

Unknown said...

This was absolutely too funny...i about cried on the "Where the f*ck can I buy Sally Hansen airbrush makeup"--Hillarious!!

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog and you are hilarious. Love it!

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