Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey!

That's right, it's time once again for Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey!, in which I scour the thousands of Google search terms that have recently led people to my blog and respond to a handful of them in a helpful Q&A format. If you'd like a slightly less confusing explanation, click here, and if not, read on (as always--search terms--verbatim--in bold italics, and my responses below):

Where the fuck can I buy sally hansen airbrush makeup?
Heeeeyyyy now! I think the real question here is "why so angry?" And why are you taking it out on Google? I suggest you spend some time with a therapist exploring your childhood to figure out those answers (perhaps a search engine stole your favorite toy in kindergarten?), and after that you can focus on the airbrush makeup, which, by the way, is in stock at the Walgreens down the street from my house. I'd be happy to send you some.

banana boobs muffin top bubble butt tubes
That is one of the most upsetting strings of words I've ever encountered.

awesome mouse house
So, I called my little brother Bob at 10 o'clock last night and said, "Hey, Bob, can you make me a picture of an 'awesome mouse house'?" An hour later he sent me this:

Yep, I'd say that's pretty awesome.

can i feel on your chocha
Absolutely not. But since I'm an exceedingly nice person, I've composed a list of pick-up lines for you that are better than "can i feel on your chocha":

• Hey, nice boobs!
• I must have died and gone to heaven because there's an angel standing right in front of me!
• you so hot global warming is jealous of you

can old people become hairdressers?
I believe so, yes.

conversation between apple and shoe
Ummm, if you insist...


custom funny pants
These are pretty funny.

how should a 40 year old man dentist dress?
Hmm...I would probably go with the classic green or blue scrubs, accented with some tasteful eyeglass frames and perhaps a necklace made of bloody human teeth.

badass boyfriend quiz
If you can answer "yes" to at least 3 of the following 5 questions, your boyfriend is probably a badass:

1. Does your boyfriend ride a motorcycle?
2. Does your boyfriend own a t-shirt that is bedazzled with the word "BADASS"?
3. When a condom falls out of your boyfriend's wallet in front of your evangelical minister father, does he say "oops," but in a sarcastic manner?
4. Has your boyfriend perfected the lean-against-a-wall-while-smoking-and-squinting-into-the-distance pose?
5. If your life were to be made into a movie, would your boyfriend be played by Shane West?

Now that's what I call a badass.

does Kroger sell sexual lubricant?
They surely do--I can vouch for that personally, because I once bought some for the least sexy reason ever.

gay porn cards for fathers day
This sounds like the best Father's Day ever.

i'm fasting and i'm hungry :(
Man, that's gotta suck. I've never gone more than two hours without eating, so I can't exactly relate, but, yeah, wow. BRB, I need some chocolate-covered almonds.

how spanx came to exist?
Oh child, you haven't heard the good news?

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth had no form. It was empty, covered with darkness and water. Then the Spirit of God hovered over the water, and God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good.

Then He divided the light from the darkness. God called the light “Spanx,” and the darkness he called “satin bridesmaid dress.” And God saw that Spanx was good. Very, very good.

who are the shopbop models?
They are thin, pretty, and either very brave, or very foolish. Check out the saggy diaper dress pictured in the post below, and you decide.

p.s. Thanks to JessieB for reminding me that an installment of Inadvertently Ask Daddy Likey was long past due!