Furmongering.

I'm passionate about pretty much everything else in the world, but fur drama just isn't my thing. I'm fur-neutral. I probably wouldn't wear it myself, mainly because I don't like to wear things that exponentially increase the chances of getting buckets of red paint hurled at me by bands of protesters in animal masks (a preference that also keeps my Team K-Fed shirt in the closet, damnit).

Like I do almost every night, I was browsing the Saks Fifth Avenue website wondering what it would be like to be able to afford one thing, just one thing, anything, from there, when I stumbled upon their fur coat section. Some of the shearling vests were really cute, so I kept clicking deeper and deeper into the site, encouraged by Saks' savvy marketing and the motto of my great grandfather 800 times removed--"fur. warm. good."--until I was abruptly shocked out of my J.Loesque fantasy by this:

So, yeah, it looks really comfy, but it's just taking the concept a little too far. First of all, what the hell do you wear a giant hooded fur vest with? Second of all, what if you found yourself in a really cliche cartoon and a bear saw you wearing that and tried to mate with you and hilarity ensued?

And then I saw this:
This is when I started getting uncomfortable pangs of "Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore...in fact, I think somehow we've wandered into Cruella DeVille's storehouse...Toto? Oh god!"

And then came this:
Apparently Saks has only one model who will wear fur, and apparently she is a fembot. Now I'm a little concerned about being assassinated by PETA or sued for libel or shot by machine gun breasts because of this post. Tell the world my story (but leave out the Team K-Fed part).