Advanced Fashion Quiz

The man in the following photo is:

a. A model in a recent Dsquared runway show.

b. A serial killer with circulation problems.

c. Both.

(I'm actually not sure what the answer is. I do know if I saw that guy in that outfit staggering toward me on a dark street corner, I'd scream, run the other way, and promptly alert a responsible adult.)

Tuesday Top 5!

Reasons I'm Harboring an Unhealthy Obsession With These Frye Boots

1. When I flipped to their page in the Nordstrom catalog a couple weeks ago, I literally gasped and said, "Lord almighty" in a southern accent, which I've never said before in my life.

2. They would go with pants, skirts, dresses, shorts, overalls, burlap sacks, or a Mary Kate Olsen-esque combination of all of the above.

3. That exposed zipper is really sexy and suggestive, although I'm sure if someone were to erotically unzip it, they'd only find a pale, hairy leg in dire need of some moisturizer, and then I'd be like, "Dude, it's winter! I can't maintain my smooth leg care regimen year-round! Cut me some slack, here!"

4. These boots would be a great way to hide pale, hairy, unmoisturized legs from judging eyes and winter chills.

5. They're 277.95, which is an exorbitant amount of money for me, but if you add all those numbers together and then subtract 5 and divide it by 7, it spells "BUY ME, WINONA," and how am I supposed to argue with that?

Don't Show-cha Your Chocha!

Please accept my sincere apologies for missing last week's Don't Show-cha Your Chocha post! My schedule has been pretty crazy recently with a new job and a few other projects, but I know my priorities should always be as follows:

1. Chocha posts.
2. Everything else.

If you're just joining us and are deeply confused by all this chocha talk, allow me to explain. Don't Show-cha Your Chocha is a recurring feature here at Daddy Likey, wherein vigilant readers submit photos illustrating the super-short dress/no pants epidemic. You can find the definition of "chocha" here, if you're curious, but it's also acceptable and adorable to make like my mom's friends (hi ladies!) and be all, "What is a cha cha? I could take a guess, but I'm not sure I actually want to know." You can also read the very first DSYC post, if you'd like a refresher.

Now let's get this party started (this week's installment includes at least 30% more chocha, to make up for my tardiness).

First up, two tough-to-sit-down-in dresses from lovely reader Tessa:

This girl's like, "Oh, crap, did I put on underwear before I commenced this sweet spin?"

Thomas W. and Cate D. sent in slightly different pictures of this shockingly short, ummm, shirt:

Both are equally terrifying.

Next up, a cute dress, give or take a few vital inches:

Says Brande: Maybe there just wasn't enough cloth left over to add some chocha-hiding trim?

A classic from our old friends at American Apparel:

Casey has a theory: If you look at the description it says "Shrinkage: will shrink an average of one size when put in dryer." Someone should have warned the poor model that before she washed her shirt...

Jaime submitted this prime example:

See, there's a difference between a "shirt dress" and a "shirt." Not sure that difference is understood here.

Jackie reported this offender from Shopbop:

She says: First, I was amazed the model wasn't rocking the crossed-legs-have-to-pee pose, but any other camera angle and she might have. Second, I don't think I've ever seen a sadder looking model. Maybe it's because she misses her pants.

Jessica B. sent in the following chochastic pants and hilarious caption:

I've gotten use to a certain level of chochaness because of your series, one might even say that I am blase about seeing chochas prancing free in the wild. Inured even, if I am allowed to dig out my fancy SAT words. But this made even jaded old me say "whoa" aloud. It not only combines the lady business, but also harem pants. I am thinking of all the different scenarios in which this lovely young model is wearing these pants in public and they always end in tears and chapped chochas. [Editor's note: "tears and chapped chochas" = my favorite phrase of '09]

Natalia thought some posing classes had really paid off for this Topshop model:

I definitely agree. That's a pro pose, right there.

Reader Kara was worried about model Daria Werbowy in this outfit:

So am I. Can you imagine the thigh-clenching necessary to make that dress look decent?

And finally, Emily sent in this atrocity, which I may have posted before, but I don't care, the sentiment bears repeating:

She says: Mom jeans AND a denim chocha?! who knew such a magical combination could even exist without the world imploding!

Send your DSYC sightings to daddylikeyblog@gmail.com

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

Narwhal necklace in the color of your choice, $16

I've always been a huge fan of narwhals, mostly because they are basically a manatee crossed with a unicorn (and who's gonna argue with that?), but I've also spent an embarrassing amount of time pondering which member of the animal kingdom I'd most want to be friends with, and the narwhal consistently comes out on top.

I mean, narwhals are always smiling in photos, plus you could store various snack items on their tusks, they would give really satisfying hugs, and I have a feeling they wouldn't judge me for crying during Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I guess I just feel like if you ever had to be like, "Narwhal, I'm having a tough week," your narwhal friend would say, "I'm here for you." And then tenderly tip down its tusk to offer you a cake donut.

I'm almost positive my dad is going to leave a comment on this post listing all the reasons why a narwhal would actually be a lousy friend, but I don't care. I still really want this necklace.

Five Men's Fashion First Impressions!

It's time once again for the ever-popular Five Men's Fashion First Impressions, in which I ask the five most prominent men in my life (sorry Matthew Gray Gubler, you're number 6) for their honest first impressions of a unique piece of clothing or accessory.

Today's subject comes from the blog of the inimitable Sara Zucker, esquire:

To answer all immediate questions: it's a scarf full of holes, it costs $150, I think it's sort of amazing, and Sara used it as inspiration for a badass DIY project.

Here's what the men had to say:

Brother, age 14: (Lifts eyebrow, backs away from computer) Is it like, umm, a hippie sponge? It's made of hemp, isn't it?
Me: What do you actually think it is?
Brother, age 14: Ummm...a carpet?

Brother, age 21: It looks like something they found on the floor in a leather tannery.

Boyfriend: What is it?
Me: A scarf.
Boyfriend: Are you sure it's not a sea sponge?

Brother, age 19: Burlap wasp nest...a Mesopotamian relic.

Father: (Laughs) Oh, Jesus Christ. Well, what is it?
Me: It's a scarf.
Father: What's it made of?
Me: Cotton jersey.
Father: One time I was helping Washington County Sheriff's Office search for a body, and we took apart a woodpile at a suspect's house, and we found something that looked almost exactly like that.
Me: Was it a body?
Father: No, but it smelled awful and looked like bug-eaten human flesh.
Me: Wow.

High Fashion Haiku

If my ankle broke
with just one look at these boots,
imagine one step.

Stella McCartney patent ankle boots, $558 (sale price!).

Guest Post: Chocha Karma

I couldn't resist sharing this anecdote from my friend Ariel. It seems chocha karma does indeed exist:

So I was at the dollar tree getting notebooks and crayons, standing with my mom in the checkout. Up walks this 12-year old girl, wearing no pants. When I say no pants, I mean no pants. No skirt, just a shirt, and her underwear. She's chilling there, looking at sunglasses, and I cant help but notice, she's not wearing pants.

Let me reminds you, it's not a dress. It's a track t-shirt and underwear.

No pants. No shorts. A shirt. Not a dress.

So I think to myself "Hmmm...If I forgot to wear pants, wouldn't I want someone to tell me? Yes I would." So I say to this 12-year-old pantsless girl, "Hey, you aren't wearing pants." And she shrugs. She shrugs! What the heck? My mom got really embarrassed and dragged me from the store. When we got outside I was laughing and she was lecturing me: "You don't just go up to people and tell them they don't have pants on, it's rude!" I don't think it's rude. She didn't have pants on and she didn't care.

So then, at family home evening, we do the lesson, and I give the closing prayer. I sit down, and people disperse and someone leans forward from behind and says "Ummm, your shorts have a hole..." I look a little concerned and she says "No, I mean, a HOLE." Then someone else comes over and says, "Yeah, your whole butt is pretty much showing." I asked how bad it was and they described my underwear.

I looked later, and I could see underwear and butt. It was a huge tear, but it was still hilarious to me. And at least I had pants on in the first place.

Tuesday Top 5: Hair Accessories Guaranteed to Brighten a Depressing Day

Butterfly hair comb, $35Have you ever had a swarm of butterflies land on your head? Me neither. But I imagine it would be difficult to have a bad day after such an experience.

Purple duct tape flower, $6

Not only is this big flower lovely and quirky and eye-catching, it's made of duct tape. This is the first and only hair accessory I've come across that would earn me some street cred with my 14-year-old brother.

Feather headband, $10

I bought a beautiful brown feather headband in DC that looked a lot like this, but when I packed it in my suitcase for my trip home, the feathers got tweaked, so it now looks less like a chic headband and more like a confused pheasant that rammed into my skull. Basically, having a new one would brighten my day.

Tulle poof headband, $10.80

You know the feeling of unadulterated glee that comes from popping the bow from a present onto your head and being like, "Ha ha! Look everyone! There's a bow on my head! I am SUCH a dork!"? Well, this headband would surely impart a similar feeling, and look decidedly more fabulous.

Set of 8 mini pinwheel bows, $14.50

Just looking at this picture made me go, "Eeeeeeeppp!" and bounce up and down in my chair excitedly. For a happiness boost, you just can't beat teeny tiny polka dot bows in pretty colors. I would be tempted to wear all eight at once, and that would definitely make for a good day.

Sponsor Love!

Please give a warm welcome to new Daddy Likey sponsor, an adorable little Etsy shop called Ink on My Hands. Specializing in vintage supplies and home goods, her selection of pretty antique jars makes me want to snap them all up and fill my house with fresh flowers. Or pickles. Maybe both.

Also be sure to check out the unexpectedly entertaining product descriptions. Anyone who can seamlessly drop a Monk reference into an honest description of two Atlas jars is OK by me.

Oh, did you want an awesome new purse, for free?

On this lovely Monday morning, I'm so excited to kick off a series of giveaways leading up to the release of Closet Confidential.

Today I'd like to share with you a brief excerpt from Chapter 6, The Bags We Carried: The Practical, Philosophical, and Fashionable Implications of a Woman's Purse, and a chance to win a handbag of your choice from handbagheaven.com, which means you get to choose from gorgeous bags like these:

(Sidenote: Did those pictures make you really hungry or is it just me?)

OK, here's your first itty bitty excerpt:

Shopping for purses is a certifiable Fun Fest. You don’t have to try anything on, every item fits perfectly, and you can experiment with crazy styles without risking your self-worth. Deciding how much to spend and where to shop for your new handbag(s) depends on how you would (honestly) answer the following question:

Are you a purse slut?

If you go through multiple purses a week, never satisfied, constantly bored, always craving excitement, adventure, and change, then you are a purse slut (hey, I'm not here to judge!) and should stick to less expensive purses. Shop at discount retailers, sale racks, thrift stores, and department stores for funky bags to feed your cravings, but make sure to add a few fairly basic options to your purse collection, just in case.

If you’re more the “find a nice purse and settle down type,” it makes sense to spend some money—a shocking amount of money, even—on a truly quality purse, because with a little care, you could use it literally every day for the next fifty years.

For a chance to win a fabulous new bag of your own, just leave a comment telling me whether you are a purse slut or a "settle down with a nice purse" type (FYI--I'm a total purse slut) or something in between. I can't wait to read your answers, and will choose TWO lucky winners at random next Monday. International readers are welcome to enter, and if you'd like an extra entry thrown in the pot, just mention this contest in a post on your blog or tweet about it (@daddylikeyblog).

Thank you and good luck!

Don't Show-cha Your Chocha!

It's finally time for this week's installment of the ever-popular feature Don't Show-cha Your Chocha, in which readers send in examples of waaaayyy too high hemlines and the brave models and actresses who try to make them look normal.

Let's begin with a prime example from lovely reader Jen:

The description clearly says "tunic top" but the model is definitely strutting around in no pants and heels...and you can kind of see her butt.

Aaaaaand the back view:

Four words come to mind: Classy. Elegant. Understated. Refined.

From the fabulous Emma:

She says: I was looking at the D&G fall 2009 ready to wear show on style.com and thought the attached picture might be great for Don't Show-cha Your Chocha. The dress is way too small and looks like it's trying to lift off from the model.

Another reader found this gem of a dress at the bargain price of 4 for $30:

I guess if you bought 4 and sewed them together you might have a decent dress.

And on the same website, this teeny tanktop was listed under "short dresses":

I suppose you could list, like, a bra as a short dress too, but that doesn't make it right.

Here's one from a Norwegian online clothing store:

Says Iselin: And as seen so many times before, the crossed legs. It doesn't really make it better.

A few vigilant readers sent in this chocha-licious magazine cover:

Says Andrea: I think Elle had to go real bad… Her heading should maybe have been Life, Lust, Lingerie (or lack of), and Lavatories…

Says Sam: When you have to use all your strength to keep your dress down, maybe you should find another dress.

Says Jo: Elle Macpherson is trying hard to look like it is SO FUN keeping her chocha
from seeing the light of day.

And finally, a beautiful, classy piece from American Apparel, sent in by Oana:

Thank god for Martin, is all I'm gonna say.

As an added bonus, Emily sent in an anecdote about the chocha trend filtering down from runways to magazines to clothing racks to the formerly innocent streets of Denver, Colorado:

As I was waiting for a friend yesterday in downtown Denver, I noticed the unseasonably warm weather we were having. Suddenly, walking down the street toward me was a girl wearing a shirt. I think maybe she thought it was a dress, but I can assure you it was not. Part of me REEEEALY wanted to pull out my cell phone and take a photo of this hot mess, but the adult part of me refrained. All I could think of was the Don't Show-cha Your Chocha series on Daddy Likey. Because I saw hers, or would have if it weren't for the underwear. Girlfriend's buns were hanging out the back and, while walking normally, she was flashing every person walking in the opposite direction. And then she ran to catch a bus, and it took all my willpower not to yell, "Put on some pants!"

Find a chocha? Send it my way! daddylikeyblog@gmail.com

Awesome Affordable Etsy Find of the Week!

Rainbow Cupcake Sprinkles Heart Pendant, $15

The simple sight of this necklace makes me giggle with glee, but more importantly: it could save your life. If you're ever starving to death in the wilderness, crack this baby open and feast on the delicious sprinkles inside! Then watch out for bears.

Interested?

I'm currently looking for some fabulous sponsors for October and beyond (see the sidebar on the right for examples). If you have a small business, etsy shop, blog, Nigerian bank account, or just want to rent ad space to confess your undying love for your Starbucks barista, please feel free to email me for all the details. My rates are super affordable and I'd love to talk to you!

daddylikeyblog@gmail.com

XOXO,
Winona

The Boots That Got Away

The other day I was hanging out with my friends Laila and Lydia (yes, I get their names mixed up too), chatting about the beautiful metropolis of Vancouver. Suddenly Lydia clutched her heart and an inconscient look spread across her face.

Was she having a stroke? No. She was thinking of the boots that got away.

"Have you heard about the boots?" Laila asked.

"They were perfect buttery leather," said Lydia, "knee high, made in Italy, and sold at this random little shop in BC. Why oh why didn't I understand the meaning of 'investment piece'?"

"They've haunted her ever since," Laila explained.

"My god," I said softly. "How long has it been?"

"Six years," said Lydia. "Six years."

In the cliched words of Carrie Bradshaw: I couldn't help but wonder...how many of us have similar stories of missed shopportunities, or lost shoes, or a favorite blouse stained beyond recognition? I know I'm still yearning for the most perfect little black shorts I misplaced in 7th grade, and I have a hunch the red Fendi jacket I passed up at Goodwill last week (stupid! stupid! stupid!) is something that will make me clutch my heart and gaze dreamily into the distance as I reminisce about it six long years from now.

What about you? What is your greatest shopping regret? Your most missed piece of clothing?

p.s. The comment with the most heartfelt story wins a small gift and letter of condolence from me. For serious. So clutch your heart and share some feelings, damnit!

Tuesday Top 5: Bras So Cute I'm Tempted To Wear Them Without a Shirt

Even with all my preaching about the importance of a good foundation, and how if I had to choose between swine flu vaccine and a new bra, I would totally choose a new bra, I have somehow found myself in the midst of a dire bra shortage.

After some unfortunate laundering incidents turned my two favorite bras into mangled twists of wire and lace (yes, I ruined one bra this way, and then did it again), I'm currently down to two backup options--one which digs into my back like an angry gremlin and another which is so stretched out it makes me resemble one of Tyler Perry's elderly woman characters.

Since I'm excited to restock my supply, today's Tuesday Top 5 is focused on beautiful brassieres:

Midnight Grace "Daisy" underwire plunge bra, $36
Things I love: Blue, red, embroidery, flowers, bows, bras. Things I really love: This blue and red embroidered floral bra with a bow.

Elle Macpherson Intimates "Dentelle" contour bra, $65
Elle Macpherson bras don't usually fit me right, but they're so cute that I still try them on everytime I go bra shopping and end up on my knees in the dressing room, screaming, "WHY GOD WHY?!" until a sales clerk knocks on the door and is like, "Umm, ma'am? Everything OK in there?" and I'm like, "No, everything is definitely not OK."

Honeydew microfiber bralette, $38

While writing this post, I came across this supercute site for petite women with small busts, aka women who never have to worry about resembling a shockingly saggy Tyler Perry character. There are a ton of gorgeous options, but I thought this one was especially pretty and simple.

Oola Rocco (best brand name ever!) lace underwire bra, $45
I found this brand and style in a great post about plus sized bras over at Dramatis Personae. She said it looked lumpy under shirts, which is why I would wear it without a shirt. And then get arrested.

Natori "Sheer Scroll 131040" (Umm, Natori, that bra name sounds like a prisoner ID number), $38
Have I mentioned I'm obsessed with this color? Oh wait I mention that, like, everyday. I even mentioned it earlier in this post. Sorry about that.

Internal Shopping Monologue

When I saw this sweater hanging tragically from a Goodwill rack, the following thoughts flashed through my mind, in the following order:

1. Ha! What a silly sweater.
2. What the hell is USA University?
3. I bet this is from Korea. My friends who taught in Korea said a lot of the clothes there were printed with random English words like, "Egregious" or "Pancake" or "Egregious Pancake."
4. Oh look, the tag says it's from Korea.
5. Do I need to buy this to honor my friends who went to Korea?
6. NO IT IS AWFUL.
7. But that blue is my favorite color, and it says USA University, and as far as I know that's a totally random phone number.
8. I think this might be the coolest sweater I've ever seen.
9. OK, say I do get it--am I prepared to have strangers squint at my boobs, then tilt their heads and say, "Where is USA university? Did you go there?"
10. Duh, I'm totally prepared for that. I will always say, "It's south of Canada University and north of Mexico University. In fact I did go there. Please see my lower abdomen for the phone number."
11. Oh my gosh that would be hilarious.
12. Plus I could pair it with my neon yellow jeans.
13. This is, like, a must buy.
14. All this rationalizing is making me hungry. I could go for a stack of egregious pancakes.

Outfit photos (probably) to come!

Don't Show-cha Your Chocha!

It's time for your weekly dose of Don't Show-cha Your Chocha, the recurring feature where Daddy Likey readers strike back against the trend of, like, not wearing pants with shirts. And you're in for a special treat, because today's installment includes a cartoon character and a new theme song!

Our first DSYC offender comes courtesy of Megan:

She says: Aren't tunics supposed to be worn as, y'know, shirts? For the love of all things bacon, where are her jeans?

Here's what I like to call a Fleur de Chocha:

Arlynn explains: I was surfing the web for fab Fleur De Lis stuff and stumbled upon this doozie. They promoted it as a "hoodie," but styled it as a dress, making me want to scream: "Woah girl, don't show-cha your chocha!"

The eagle-eyed Solanah sent me this, which totally cracks me up:

So I was watching Futurama last night and when Zach Brannigan popped on the screen in this short little velour getup. (Yes it's velour, he said so himself.) I'm thinking tight little pants, or leggings came with the uniform, but he liked his legs too much to hide them. Or maybe he likes a little breeze once in a while.

Awesome reader Lizzey sent me a veritable bouquet of chochas (my favorite kind of bouquet!). Check it out:

We all owe a great debt of gratitude to Jesse McCartney for this heroic act. This is comparable to throwing yourself on a grenade to save your platoon.

Umm, what happens when she has to shift to the left?

This picture makes me so nervous.

Nice subtle forward lean, Amanda, very nice.

You might want to try that forward lean again.

Wow. Hopefully the Grammys are standing room only, because can you imagine sitting down in that thing?

In addition the the lovely chocha bouquet, Lizzey also mentioned that after reading Daddy Likey regularly, she is now suffering from "The Eye of the Chocha." She thought that would make an excellent blog theme song, and I totally concur, so I took the liberty of altering the lyrics to the first verse of "Eye of the Tiger" in order to fit our needs. Cue the music please...

Risin' up, your hemline creeps
You don't care, you'll take your chances
Tried to sit down, now you're back on your feet
Didn't mean to attract those kinds of glances

Can't run or jump, have to move less
Shuffle around and garner pity
Don't lose your grip on the hem of your dress
You must fight to keep your dignity

Chorus:
It's the eye of the chocha, it's the thrill of the fight
for pants, leggings, shorts, or whatever
No offense but your crotch is quite the unwelcome sight
And we're watchin' you all with the eye of the chocha

Maybe I'll do the second verse next week!

Thanks for all the fabulous chocha submissions, and keep 'em comin'! Email me at daddylikeyblog@gmail.com