Ellen disses Kevyn and Martin isn't pleased.

You know that new Ellen Degeneres commercial where she's working with a bunch of animals and a raccoon does her makeup (Very talented makeup artist by the way. In our circles he's known as Kevyn Aucoon), and she asks him if her eyeshadow looks heavy? Here's a behind the scenes clip, in case you missed it or forgot:



I am so mad right now I don't even know where to start. I mean, one of the greatest raccoon cosmeticians of our time gives her his signature natural look and all she can do is complain? Most women would kill to get done up by Kevyn. He travels with Avril Lavigne. He's a genius. Let me tell you that I will not be watching Ellen's show through a furniture store window while eating old spaghetti with clam sauce out of an alley dumpster anymore after this. This is just ridiculous.

Obviously, Kevyn is a master of subtlety, and I'm a huge fan (unlike some daytime talk show hosts...), but I also understand that sometimes a girl's gotta go glam. For times like those, this stuff is the way to go:

This stuff is the sparkliest of sparkly. I once saw an okay-looking female wearing this a few garbage cans over, and, long story short, I ended up licking her eye. I couldn't help myself--it was that shiny. She got the wrong impression, I tried to explain, yada yada yada we're trying to settle the suit out of court...Yeah, I don't really want to talk about that right now.

XOXO,
Martin

Urban Decay Heavy Metal Liner, $17, sephora.com