My New Coat. By Mr. Daddy Likey

Hello beloved readers of Daddy Likey. I am the boyfriend of Ms. Daddy Likey, Mr. Daddy Likey if you will. Winona is sick right now and has a ton of papers to grade, so I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about my new coat. I know that summer is coming up and 150 degree weather is just around the corner (damn you global warming!), but I have a really good reason as to why I bought this so close to summer.

Nona and I were in J. Crew the other day, looking at clothes we couldn't afford when a sales clerk walked up to us.

"Did everyone hear about the 50% off sale we're having?!" (Ears perk. Interest piqued).
"50% off? Tell me more sir!"
"All sale items are half off!"

He wasn't really that excited to tell us that everything already on sale was an extra 50% off, but I was so excited to hear this that everything he was telling us, in my mind, was really enthusiastic.

We were exhilarated and slightly panicked. Every minute that passed was a minute closer to the herds of people that were bound to come stampeding through the doorway in search of the 50% off sale at J. Crew. Luckily the crowd never came, and we were able to meticulously search through the sale items. And there, my friends, is where I came upon this gem:


The Robert Downey Jr. jacket from "Zodiac" (or something like it, and yes I have the same crush on Robert Downey Jr. that Nona does, we have an agreement) that I've been searching for. This actually isn't the jacket that I have, but it's close. Mine's a dark khaki with no zipper, just buttons. It kind of channels Neil Young on his most recent tour with CSNY (even though for some reason he always looks like he hasn't showered in 10 days).


So, long story short (or not so much), I ended up getting $300 worth of clothes for $75. Pretty good day if you ask me.

Ripstop Workwear Jacket, $79.99 on sale, jcrew.com

P.S Neil, if you're reading this, I'm really sorry. You're one of my favorite people, you just look a little... beat.

Blogback Mountain

A Cup of Jo found the most gorgeous chandelier chandelier earrings. No, that wasn't a typo. They're, like, chandelier earrings that are chandeliers. Meta chandelier earrings, if you will. Just go look at the picture, damnit.

Catwalk Queen has the scoop on buy-one-get-one-free sale dresses at Topshop. A deal like this might even make their crazy-ass shipping charges (approximately $9000 per item to the US) worth it. But probably not.

Nicole over at Fashion IQ is drooling over a pair of Jessica Simpson wedge sandals. They're definitely cute, but I'm still working out my issues concerning this matter.

The Space Between My Peers reminds us that men need shoes too, and that there are some great ones on sale right now.

These pictures on Fashionista are making me once again yearn for a super-short bob. How quickly I forget my first foray into short hair that began with an ill-advised trip to a Hack 'n Whack in the seventh grade, and ended with a rat tail and lots of crying in the girl's bathroom...

What Goes With A Pale Pink Ballerina Dress. Hint: Not Rootbeer.

Rachelle, one of my favorite readers (alright, alright, you're all my favorite), is in dire need of some fashion advice:

I have just bought a pale pink, ballerina-esque dress for a formal and I'm not sure how to style it. I never know what color accessories go with a colored dress (I'm a big fan of black dresses so almost any shoes match!) I'm a senior in college so I'm trying to get a sophisticated look rather than a matchy prom thing. I would appreciate the help!

First of all, Rachelle, you are a girl after my own heart. I adore ballerina dresses. I actually wore a satin pale pink ballroom skirt to my own prom. But then I sat at one of the tables to rest, not noticing that the pleats of the tablecloth had conspired to form a perfect funnel for every drink that had been placed and then subsequently spilled on the table for the duration of the night to surge forth onto my lap. I stood up and saw that my perfect pale pink skirt could now serve as an impromptu drink menu, with colorful samples of each beverage pooling and dripping down the front. I decided to pretend it had been tie dye the whole time, but let my story serve as a warning to you, my dear Rachelle--DO NOT SIT DOWN.

Now that I've totally ruined the mood, let's get to styling your fabulous, non-stained ensemble. I don't know the specifics of your dress, but let's just use this one for reference:

God I want that dress. I would wear it grocery shopping and have such a nice life. Even if yours is longer or a lighter shade of pink (which I'm guessing it is), I made sure all my advice could still apply.

As gorgeous as it is, pale pink can be a toughie. I have conferred with many stylish advisors and confirmed my hunch that gold is the best, if not the only, way to go here. Yes, I know the model above is workin' the silver accessories, and that can work in some cases (mainly with darker shades of pink like the dress in the photo, and darker skin tones), but let's stick with gold for our purposes here.

If your dress has a lot of detailing like bows or ruching or ornate tulle, then you'll probably want to go with a simple gold strappy sandal, like these:

Nine West "Accolia," $72.95, zappos.com

Chinese Laundry "Wesley," $54.95, zappos.com

rsvp "Sonita," $59.95, zappos.com

Kate Spade "Genevieve," $278.95, zappos.com

rsvp "Jory," $44.95, zappos.com

If your dress is more basic, then you could/should have more fun with the shoe and play up the ballerina vibe:

These would be adorable with a shorter dress.
Martinez Valero "Camila" Sandal, $126.95, nordstrom.com

Carlos by Carlos Santana "Sparkle," $89.00, macys.com

Charles by Charles David "Brink," $118.95.

As for jewelry, gold and clear stones are great options. I think a necklace almost always competes with the neckline of the dress, so unless yours is uber simple, think about skipping it. I'm a card-carrying member of Focus On the Earrings myself (like Focus on the Family, but with more sparkle and less hatred and intolerance). Check out these babies:

14k White Gold Cubic Zirconia Pear Drop Earrings, reg. $200, now $89, macys.com

Stud Earring Set (3 pairs for $12.99, so you know they're quality), overstock.com

Nadri Faceted Crystal Drop Earrings, $58, nordstrom.com

Anna Beck "Armadillo" earrings, $175, nordstrom.com

If executed very carefully (depending on the shade of your dress), adding a shot of blue with your jewelry could be supah fly (whoops, there's that pesky Missy Elliott slang again). These are too pretty:

Nordstrom Crystal Collection Teardrop Earrings, $78.00, nordstrom.com

I love a substantial cuff bracelet paired with a delicate dress:

Nadri Interlink Circle Cuff, $135, nordstrom.com

And bangles are always an option:

Nordstrom Diamond-Cut Bangles, set of 10 for $48, nordstrom.com


Now go dance in style, Rachelle. And if you see anyone spill their drink on the table and not clean it up immediately, give them a good, dramatic slapping and yell "That's for Winona!" They'll totally get it.

Dress at the top is from nordstrom.com

You know, I had been wondering about that.

Have you ever wondered what it would look like...


...if boots molted?

Stuart Weitzman "Gladiator," $250, zappos.com

Red Lips For A Perfect Life

I’ve always really hated those sections in fashion magazines that tell you how to wear a style or interpret a trend based on your age. I hate them for many reasons, but I’ll give you my three big ones:

1. They always break up the age groups into twenties, thirties, forties, and fifty-til-death. That’s gotta sting.

2. They always include some form of the phrase, “In your twenties, you have a flat stomach, toned legs, perfect skin, and great hair, so wear whatever you want!” If you’re a twenty-something like me, words like these make you look down, see an ample belly and thigh cellulite and think, “Well, damn, according to Instyle, it’s all downhill from here.”

2. After they dote on the perfect twenty-year-olds, their sage advice for each increasing age increment is to simply cover up more and more, ultimately telling the fifty-til-death group to just wear a burka (despite the "Bikini at any age!" headline). “And make sure it’s not a sheer burka,” the writer will warn, “God knows the world doesn’t want to see those varicose veins!”

A while ago I was reading one such article (before I realized that constant rage was probably bad for my heart and gave up my fashion magazine addiction), surely titled something incredibly witty like, “Red Lips at any age!” I was ready to gasp and growl and fire off yet another letter to the editor about ageism and inform them that actually most women don’t die or go into hiding at the 5-0 mark, but go on to lead beautiful, stylish, uncovered-up lives for, you know, fifty more years.

The story said something predictable like, "In your twenties, you're skinny, so everything in your life is perfect!" and then described how to create red lips to match this allegedly perfect life. I glanced over at the next page to see the red lips advice they'd given the older set--a painful, lengthy process that included spackle and a plastic surgery consultation (well, not really, but close).

Sure, I was mad, but I was also bored and suffering from a touch of weak will, so I tried their perfect life red lips technique, and it actually came out kind of cool. Of course I recycled the magazine in rage, but I've employed my perfect life red lips multiple times since to great delight.

And today, since I'm bored and seem to be suffering from a touch of weak will, I think I will share it with you. That's right, it's time for another high-budget photo essay!

Daddy Likey presents:

Red Lips For A Perfect Life (Whether you're 16 or 95--No Spackle Needed!)

Here's me, 21, perfect life, pre-red lips:

Jeez, I look a little sad for having a perfect life, huh?

Okay, so the secret to this look is that you use a red lip liner pencil instead of red lipstick. Fill in the entire lip, not just the outline. Like so:

I used Revlon Colorstay. It definitely helps if you do it while being photographed and pretend there's a mirror above the camera that you're intently focusing on.

Now, once you're done with this part, you're going to have a pretty intense, matte red lip. If you want to just stop here, I'm not gonna fight you on it:

See? I seem to be pretty pleased with myself. This lip liner method also makes the color last forever (but still, check yourself every once in a while because when the color does fade, it fades from the inner part of your lips first, so you can end up looking like you meant to trace your lips with a heavy red line, and oh boy is that a subject for another post, another time).

According to the stupid magazine, the next step for perfect twenty-year-olds is to apply a clear gloss over the top:

Again, pretending to look in a mirror somewhere vaguely above you is a must. I actually used a shimmery gold gloss here, because I am so not a gloss girl (the horror! I know!) and it was all I had. But it worked great.

Voila!

Let's just ignore the fact that my bangs look exactly like Devon Sawa's circa Little Giants in this picture. The shine makes the red look a little less costume-y (holla Luck-y!), don't you think? It's actually wearable.

When my boyfriend was taking some detail shots for me, he mentioned how pleasantly plump my lips looked (well, okay, his exact words were, "Jesus Christ! Your lips look freakin' huge!").

This is kind of a creepy picture, but I had to show you that the boy is right:


Damnit, now hundreds of people are going to see up my nose. There goes my perfect life.

Five Men's Fashion First Impressions: It's a shoe. Made out of barkdust. What do you want me to say?

When I first saw this pair of Christian Louboutin slingbacks, I was...intrigued.

"Oh, that clever Christian!" I mused, "look how he has taken the cork heel trend to its delightfully ironic limit and made a whole shoe that looks like it's made of cork! What a brilliant meta commentary!"

But then I continued reading Saks Fifth Avenue's description, and discovered that doesn't just look like cork, it is cork. And some damn expensive cork too: $660 to be exact. I mean, theoretically, with a slab of cork, a pen knife, and a lot of time, I could craft myself a pair of these babies (in fact, maybe the designer should market a Make Your Own Louboutins! kit that contains instructions and the aforementioned items and price it some steal of a deal like $300).

Okay, yeah, so maybe whenever I see, like, a ceramic bowl or a painting, or a houseboat, I scoff, "Psh! Why would I buy that? I could make that!" and then I go home and don't make it because, turns out, I don't have the tools or the skill or the time or the motivation, and then I get kind of sad that I didn't buy it because I secretly really wanted it but I can't abandon my self righteous I-could-make-that kick now so I just resign myself to living a life without joy.

But let's pretend for a moment that my "I could make that!" attitude is not a sad truth but actually a deeper observation--so maybe I couldn't really make these shoes, but if it looks like I could make them, I'm not sure I want to pay triple digits for it. I think this was my problem when assymetrical hemlines were all the rage. As a completely incompetent seamstress, all my attempts at shortening skirts or dresses accidentally came out looking like very purposefully crafted handkerchief hems. Naturally, I was vehemently against the clothing that looked like this on purpose.

After roiling in my own shoe confusion for awhile, I thought, if I'm this painfully baffled, I wonder how the men would feel about these? So I asked them:

Brother, age 12: (Confused) They look like that kind of wood that's like a bunch of bark chips glued together. And they only have a little red on them. All shoes should have a lot of red on them, cuz red is my favorite color. People should acknowledge that I have a favorite color.
(Jesus, someone's got some issues.)

Brother, age 17: It's a shoe. Made out of barkdust. What do you want me to say?

Brother, age 20: Good luck matching an outfit to these! Also, I cannot recall any point in my entire life when I have even noticed that any other person was wearing shoes. Much less actually looked at them. So I really don't understand this female shoe thing.

(Okay, yeah, these seemed to bring up some issues for all of my brothers.)

Boyfriend: Hmm... Hmm... Love cork. Love the shoe style. But the two don't mix.
(I've dated the boy for three years and I had no idea he loved cork. I didn't even know a person could love cork. It seems kind of like loving drywall or something, although if you love cork, that's totally cool. I might even date you.)

The Father: Huh. (Studies them intently, stroking his chin) It looks like chip board...secondary wood waste or something. And while they look marginally functional, they don't look anywhere close to being worth $660. Cork. Pfffttt. Big deal.

I've gotta say amen, Dad, amen.

It's a Microsoft Christmas!

Internet Explorer users have a special Saturday morning treat--my archives! my blogroll! the link to my RSS feed!

Yes, that's right, thanks to my brother's genius at unscrewing up Blogger's code, all you cute lil' IE users (as opposed to IV users, who probably don't spend much time reading fashion blogs) can finally see my sidebar in all its glory. So get a cup of coffee, read some old posts, click on a few Daddy Likey approved links, and have a lovely day. Gasp! And I almost forgot: it's International Dress Up Day, so do all of the aforementioned things wearing a tiara. Or else.

Love,
Winona

p.s. If you're a Firefox user and are feeling left out and confused right now, all the hoopla is because there'd been some kind of coding error that made the Daddy Likey sidebar malfunction in IE. You luckies have always been able to see it. The magic was within you the whole time! I'm so sorry for that line. I'm gonna go write a TV movie now.

High Fashion Haiku: Pope Chic

Match made in heaven:
Pope Benedict guest-designs
for Max Azria.

BCBG Max Azria Lace Trim Silk Dress, $278, nordstrom.com

Blogback Mountain

Letters to Marc Jacobs is taking a blogging break, possibly forever. Go read her last post and cry for two hours. Not that I did that or anything. I totally have a life.

As if I wasn't broken up enough, Girlshop is also shutting its cyberdoors. Definitely working on a support group for that. Definitely just proved that I don't have a life.

StyleBites describes how to save world, remain chic. Gotta love that combo.

There's a touch of royal tension over at Kingdom of Style. Queen Michelle (and I) adore a certain Dew Drop Skirt, while Queen Marie insists it's "beyond repulsive." Which side are you on?

Poetic & Chic is working a mega girlcrush on Gwen Stefani. I lean more toward Shakira in my pseudo-lesbian fantasies, but that's probably more than you wanted to know.

If the Slanket could make friends, I think it would fancy the Hoodie Chair.

And finally, Faking Good Breeding has the most detailed, comprehensive post on deodorant that this world has ever seen. That's great and all, but where were you for that particularly sweaty stretch of junior high when I didn't raise my arms for two years, huh Meg?

Martin on Marni; Woodrow on Wood

The top half of these shoes is just perfect:

That is some A-1 shine right there. I can see my face in those suckers! (Note to self: wash face more often than...never, especially when sardines in tomato sauce are involved.)

But the bottom half? Not so much. Personally, I find them as bland as that damn deer I told you about awhile ago. But I'm not here to judge (well, I am, but, nevermind), so I thought I'd call in some bestial blogger back-up.

Meet Woodrow, the most stylish beaver I've ever met:

This guy is a bona fide expert on fashion. Seriously, he's incredible. Take it away, Woodster!

Those heels look delicious.

XOXO,
Woodrow

Marni Wooden Block Pumps, $591, netaporter.com

p.s. As usual, if you're a confused new reader, click on the Martin label below to read the rich history of our resident raccoon fashion blogger.

Let's Show Some Leg for Jesus

The wonderful Applediva left this comment on my last post:

You are lucky you don't know me, but in the 90s, I use to wear some short skirts to church. I have great legs, and I had to show them off for Jesus.

Ms. Applediva, I have to say I wish I knew you, because that is just about the coolest thing I've ever heard. I'm such a fan of this idea that I thought I'd do a whole post dedicated to it, so ladies, here are some ways to show off your great legs. For Jesus.

Let's start with my latest mini skirt obsession:

I was actually on my way to buy this skirt today (maybe in the purple though? I'm undecided) with my friend Khathy, and we were about halfway to Urban Outfitters when our plan was thwarted by a nasty thunderstorm. It was one of those cliche storms too, the kind with lightning flashes and thunderclaps that would symbolize something really dangerous and obvious if my life were a movie. Divine intervention? Of course not! I'll go back tomorrow.
Lux Pastel Denim Mini, $48, urbn.com

If you've got $1100 to drop on a couple square feet of fabric (and really, who doesn't?), then this is a great, leg-showcasing option:

Chloe metallic skirt, $1105, netaporter.com

So, I've had a picture of this dress saved on my computer for about two months now:

About once a week for the duration of this time, I've pulled the picture up and tried to write a post about it, but it always turns out like, "Isn't this dress cute??" or "What a great dress!" or something equally boring and devoid of cleverness, and I give up. So today I, well, I guess I still didn't write anything clever about it, but it works with the show-some-leg theme so I'll just stick it in here and hope nobody notices this boring paragraph. Isn't this dress cute??
Lana Eyelet Babydoll dress, $34.50, Delias.com

I'm loving these bubble skirts from Le Train Bleu:

On sale for $59 and $134 (top to bottom), www.letrainbleu.com

I've never been much of a shorts girl. Basically, my thighs are total bff and will resort to disturbing and extremely unflattering measures to be together--a couple inches of thin fabric doesn't stand a chance in hell between them. But if I were a shorts girl (and for Jesus, who knows), I would wear these with a ribbed black tanktop, leather sandals, and a huge pair of badass sunglasses:

Perry Stripe Short, $26.50, delias.com

Holy hell:

That wasn't planned religious wordplay there, I swear, it's the involuntary exclamation that accompanied my first sighting of this dress. Perfection!
French Connection 'Dutel' Jacquard Shift Dress, $168, nordstrom.com

Wear a dress like this and you risk showing Jesus some chocha (do you go to hell for using "Jesus" and "chocha" in the same sentence? probably...)

I'd recommend some tights or leggings for Jesus with this one. But I'm not here to judge.
Printed Silk Shift Dress, $128, ardenb.com

Now go forth, my children, and show some leg.

Sarcasm-o-Meter Check: Next Six Sentences

Have you ever seen anything so cute in your whole life?

CROCS Islander Sandal, $49.95, nordstrom.com


Really not diggin' this:

Anthropologie, $98


These jeans would flatter EVERY body! Seriously, doesn't the model look comfortable?

Brown Label, $105, revolveclothing.com


Looking for a modest dress to wear to church? Look no further, my friend:

$82.80, Ardenb.com


God, I wish Vera Wang would design something nice once in a while...

Vera Wang, $620, netaporter.com


This clutch costs exactly twice as much as my boyfriend's car. Yeah, that makes sense.

Bottega Veneta, $2400, Saks.com

I'm Back, but No Post Yet

Hey everyone,

Thanks so much for the supportive and concerned comments. I'm totally fine, just needed the weekend to get insurance stuff sorted out and knead out the kink in my neck.

I don't think I'm going to do a regular post today, because with the tragedy in Virginia, it doesn't feel right to be funny. So sad.

Daddy Likey will be back tomorrow for sure.

Love,
Winona

bleh.

I got in a car accident this evening. I'll definitely give you the scoop (and oh boy is it an ironic one), but first I have to sleep for like thirty hours.

I will tell you that it was nowhere near as bad as the exploding bus pictured below.

Goodnight, and good luck.

A Post about Moisturizer. Also: Dennis Hopper, The Mafia, Dragons.

When I lived in the dorms my freshman year of college, there was this girl who would literally sprint from the shower to her room in order to slather herself with the amount of lotion I use in a year.

The time between shower and moisturizer seemed to be of great importance to her, as if Dennis Hopper was hiding in a warehouse somewhere with a mic and a hidden speaker hooked up to her ear, saying, "Pop quiz hotshot. There's a bomb on a bus. You take more than thirty seconds to get yourself fully moisturized after exiting the shower, and it will explode. What do you do? What do you do?"

My friend Caroline, who had come to our college from Germany, used to watch this girl's panicked moisturizing ritual from across the hall with me, convinced that it was a strange American custom (maybe it is?). "What does she think is going to happen if she doesn't put her lotion on fast enough?" she used to ask in a cute, confused German accent. I just laughed and shrugged. Obviously, Caroline has never seen Speed.


But I digress. I used to judge this girl for her moisturizer obsession. I have dry skin, but I'd never tended to it with that sort of bomb squad urgency. In fact, I'd never given much thought to moisturizer at all, except to grudgingly apply it on those special days that my face resembles the lava beds of Mauna Kea. This is probably because I grew up with three younger brothers (lotion=sprayable silly string alternative!), and because I'm lucky enough to have a grandma who supplies me with an industrial-sized vat of Clinique lotion every Christmas (I'm pretty sure they don't sell it to the general public, but my grandma's never been shy about mentioning our last name and whispering, "as in, the mafia").

And so it was with great trepidation that I finally tried a sample of SkinMD Natural Shielding Lotion. Sure, it had a name that implied a powerful forcefield and it was hypoallergenic, but what if my Clinique saw me using it? What if it was kind of joking about that whole hypoallergenic thing and it made my face bloat up and all my friends ditched me because this whole time they'd really only liked me for my cheek bones? What if putting lotion on is just really boring and I never want to do it? (Okay, that one's not rhetorical. It has an answer--yes.)

I ended up trying it on a patch of skin on my elbow that had become so dry and scaly I was seriously wondering when my parents were going to come into my room and tearfully break the news that I'm half Dragon (that would be the second weird-ass dragon reference on this blog, for the first, click here). I hid my Clinique vat to spare its feelings and decided to put a dollop of SkinMD on my dragon elbow (the medical term) once a night for however many years it took to cure it. In two nights it was visibly better.


So I started putting SkinMD on my face. It feels a little weird at first, because as the website is quick to point out, it's a totally different formula than regular moisturizing lotions, but in about ten seconds your skin gulps it up and you're left to rub your smooth, non-greasy cheeks and ponder if you actually put any lotion on or if it was all just a beautiful dream.

In the couple weeks since I've been using it, people have been complimenting my skin as if it were a fabulous new dress: "Is that new?" "It looks great on you!"

A Simple Request

As a personal favor to me, please don't buy these:

Thank you.

Funny Quote; Funny Pants

When I originally tried out this concept, the comment section ended up housing a couple different variations of "What the hell?" and "I'm confused," which might be because I neglected to introduce/explain it, and might be because this concept only makes sense in my head. Assuming it's the former (everything that comes out of my head makes perfect sense...except for that sentence), I'll explain it.

Funny Quote; Funny (item of clothing) is simply a random blending of my two greatest passions: stand-up comedy and inadvertently hilarious designer clothes. I will present a quote from a comedian that I find humorous, and a piece of clothing I find equally humorous. There is no relation or hidden meaning between the two--one made me laugh in a comedy club, and one elicited a chortle in my computer room at 2 in the morning while scrolling netaporter.com.

Now that I've given that really way-too-serious introduction and completely killed the tone (that was kind of like having Dick Cheney warm up the crowd at the Comedy Store), let's continue with this post and see if "What the hell?" is still the word:


"I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day in my fort."
~Zach Galifianakis

~Marc Jacobs (oh yeah, and they're $1900. That's funny too.)