Why does the oil have to be so cute?

I have a major problem with Jessica Simpson's line of footwear. Specifically, the shoes are really cute. I was just completely taken with a pair of black leather ankle-tie platform pumps in a Dillards ad until I looked up to see the words "from Jessica Simpson." Gah! No! What's worse, this is far from the first time this has happened. It happened in Nordstrom a couple months ago. I kept going back to these gorgeous high heels and picking them up and seeing "Jessica Simpson" in flowery script on the insole, and everytime I'd close my eyes and shake my head vigorously and look at it again and it still said Jessica Simpson. It's happened multiple times with magazine ads like that damn Dillard's one and everytime it does I feel kind of sick with myself, like when you're on the bus and you see a guy from behind and he's dressed really well and has a cute butt and you're thinking "This is it. I'm in love." but then he turns around and he's like 45 and you feel really dirty.

It's just that I can't fathom buying something that would directly fund Ms. Simpson's own purchases of horribly unflattering sunglasses and ponchos and validate her dumb-girl-act-equals-major-moolah scheme and oh god what if some of my money got to her creepy dad so he could buy more pinstriped blazers and hair gel?? You see? Buying these shoes would be like buying oil from a terrorist-harboring country! But why does the oil have to be so cute?

You don't get any pictures for this post, because I don't want to support the terrorists.