On Monday I was in my nonfiction writing class, reading my book review draft to my classmates. I was reviewing Fat Girl, a book which I hated with a burning passion and a book that sparked great emotion in me, considering the fact that I was a fat girl in elementary school. This was a passionate and dramatic and personal piece of writing, so of course as soon as I started reading, a little bug decides that my face is the most interesting locale he's ever seen and starts buzzing around and landing on my nose and dancing in my eyes and so forth. After a couple paragraphs of trying to nonchalantly swat this bug off my face while remaining composed enough to read about my own childhood teasing and the author's graphically described molestation with the poker face that such subjects require, this damn bug was still not letting up. By page two I had given up all hope of giving a nice reading and was swearing and swatting madly (to the alternating horror and humor of my classmates), until finally the bug made a calculated landing on the tip of my nose, and as I looked at him cross-eyed and said words that surely aren't appropriate in an academic setting, I also inhaled, and up the bug went. I ran out of the classroom shrieking, "Gaaahh! There's a fucking bug in my nose!"
But it gets worse. In the bathroom at school, I don't think the bug came out of my nose. When I got home from school, the bug did not come out of my nose. That night, when I was reduced to sneezing fits and the eye on the bug side of my nose started watering, the bug did not come out of my nose. And today, when I woke up feeling like my head was in a vice and therefore did not come to my computer and make a witty fashion post, well, as far as I know, there is still a bug in my nose. And now that I am resigned to the fact that I am going to die in this horribly embarrassing and gross manner, death by nosebug, I mourn the loss of never having gotten to wear these fabulously extravagant Miu Miu purple velvet ankle strap sandals with jewel encrusted heels. Yes, the heels are encrusted with jewels.
Good night, and good luck.
3 comments:
Oh no! Go see a doctor, it sounds serious. I would hate to read your obituiary and know that Daddy Likey is no more.
Agh! I turn my back for 24 hours and you snort a bug!
My husband is an entomologist - he could probably have told you what kind of bug you inhaled, but not necessarily how to avoid inhaling it. Have you tried washing out your sinuses with some of that saline stuff you can get at the drugstore?
I went for three days with toast in my nose due to an ill-timed sneeze when I was eight or so, and it felt pretty rotten. I was never so happy as I was that summer when I blew my nose and the bits finally came back out. Sinuses are pretty tough things, though - occasionally you hear about 70 year old women who go in for surgery for a deviated septum and the ENT fetches out a peanut or something similar that's been up in their sinus for 65 years. Hope you don't have to go that long!
What an ill-natured bug, ruining what could have been an awesome blog post.
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