I apologize to everyone who visited the site today like a child on Christmas morning only to find no update, no presents, nothing. I think that I may have the best excuse in the world, though, so hear me out.
On Monday I was in my nonfiction writing class, reading my book review draft to my classmates. I was reviewing Fat Girl, a book which I hated with a burning passion and a book that sparked great emotion in me, considering the fact that I was a fat girl in elementary school. This was a passionate and dramatic and personal piece of writing, so of course as soon as I started reading, a little bug decides that my face is the most interesting locale he's ever seen and starts buzzing around and landing on my nose and dancing in my eyes and so forth. After a couple paragraphs of trying to nonchalantly swat this bug off my face while remaining composed enough to read about my own childhood teasing and the author's graphically described molestation with the poker face that such subjects require, this damn bug was still not letting up. By page two I had given up all hope of giving a nice reading and was swearing and swatting madly (to the alternating horror and humor of my classmates), until finally the bug made a calculated landing on the tip of my nose, and as I looked at him cross-eyed and said words that surely aren't appropriate in an academic setting, I also inhaled, and up the bug went. I ran out of the classroom shrieking, "Gaaahh! There's a fucking bug in my nose!"
But it gets worse. In the bathroom at school, I don't think the bug came out of my nose. When I got home from school, the bug did not come out of my nose. That night, when I was reduced to sneezing fits and the eye on the bug side of my nose started watering, the bug did not come out of my nose. And today, when I woke up feeling like my head was in a vice and therefore did not come to my computer and make a witty fashion post, well, as far as I know, there is still a bug in my nose. And now that I am resigned to the fact that I am going to die in this horribly embarrassing and gross manner, death by nosebug, I mourn the loss of never having gotten to wear these fabulously extravagant Miu Miu purple velvet ankle strap sandals with jewel encrusted heels. Yes, the heels are encrusted with jewels.
Good night, and good luck.