The Church of Intimidation

I am in love with the hip hoodie designers Mike & Chris. I seriously love everything they make. I'm not quite sure if the clothes deserve full credit for this though, because the Mike & Chris model looks a lot like a more intimidating version of my friend Jen, and not only do I love Jen but I've also yearned my whole life for the capacity to be intimidating. As a petite, round-eyed blonde with a sing-song voice, "intimidating" is a characteristic that ranks only slightly above "manly" or "Jewish" on a list of my unlikely descriptors. Although, I guess I could always convert to Judaism, whereas Intimidation is inconveniently lacking a Torah.

I've always thought intimidation would be such a fun and useful tool. Not in the Kimora Lee Simmons sense of the word (I am confident that woman could kill me and hire someone to bury me and go straight to a party as if nothing had happened), but it would be great to be able to turn it on and off as needed, perhaps to dissuade a pesky witness or to tell the girl in high school who always had ranch dressing on her face and thought flamingos have one leg to stop following you around (a true story from my sadly uninitimidating life). I'm more of an "Oh my gosh I never suspected her!" type, which definitely has its own benefits, but if one of these cool Mike & Chris hoodies could up my intimidation factor, I would consider the insanely high price to be well worth it. Especially in the case of that black leather jacket. God it's badass.